oldirtybastard

okay gents, I'm new here but Ive been on probation for 4 years and have gotten out of some hairy piss test situations. I didnt read all 7 pages, but I read a few and I figured Id offer what I know.
First off:
-Vinegar doesnt work.
-You dont DRINK the bleach, you're supposed to drop a half a teaspoon into your piss.
-Trying to burn the dirty fat off if you are a heavy smoker is a bad idea.

I'll elaborate on the fat thing. When you smoke regularly, you get layers of tainted dirty THC soaked fat, which your body expels in your piss, which makes you come up dirty. If you want to spend a couple weeks completely detoxing your body, then yes, sweating lots and eating less and working out helps. But if you smoke a lot and need to pass in a pinch, dont stop eating or start working out, as it only keeps your body turning over dirty piss. Instead, stop smoking and start eating fatty food, when you pack the new clean fat on, that's what your body will turn over more of instead of the dirty shit.

Dropping bleach in your piss will fuck up a drug test, but it is dangerous and hard to get away with seeing as how it stinks and makes your pee foam up. If you have absolutely no other choice, do it.

Also, there is no need to buy four giant bottle of gatorade. Gatorade is gross. I've smoked the day of my urine tests and passed. It can be done, but I recommend stopping 2 days before your piss test.


Now, what works 90% of the time for me is the following routine.
METHOD ONE - Lets say i have a urine test at 12 in the afternoon on friday. I stop smoking wednesday. I dont change my eating habits. I wake up at 7 or 8am on friday. I pee right when i wake up. NEVER GIVE THEM YOUR FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, FOURTH, FIFTH or SIXTH PISS OF THE DAY. Ever. So basically drink water until you pee every 5 minutes. Keep it up. Fuck what anybody says take vitamin b6 and b12, just dont overdo it. Those vitamins are legal, they wont say shit if you tell them you take a multivitamin every day. That is if they even ask. SO, drink mad water, pee A LOT, eat some vitamins. And about 45 minutes before your test, drink a monster energy drink and a sobe no fear. Pee once, twice, or even three more times between drinking those and your test. Energy drinks have a lot of the same concentrated vitamins that the 25 dollar detox drinks do, and help mask your urine almost as much. Pee a little bit into the toilet first, then into the cup, then finish into the toilet. The first and last parts of your cock juice are the dirtiest. And ta-da. The same thing can be done using an omni detox drink instead of the energy drinks if you want to be absolutely safe.

A few friends of mine told me about something else they do that they say works, but I cant testify to is effectiveness personally. Theyre super-hippie vegan motherfuckers and dont believe in energy drinks or unnatural chemicals, so they go natural. According to them, you should stop smoking at least 30 hours before your test. Boil two large pitchers of water with plenty of chopped up lemons and ginger root. Drink one pitcher of it the day before, with plenty of water as well, and drink the other the day of, with a few bottles of Jamba juice.

Theres the quickest, easiest ways I know of. Trust me, if youre on probation, either buy a wizzinator or lay off pot for a while, because you never know if they're gonna make an unnanounced visit or ask you to come in all of a sudden. I had my PO wake me up at 9am for a urine sample, and pop tests and have police search me randomly all the time. I've been locked up for a total of about a year and a half, and I'm currently just not smoking until my legal troubles are over.

Basically just be safe and be carefull and dont give your PO a reason to think you're lying. And if youre getting tested by your parents, tell them to suck cock. Youre supposed to be a rebellious little fucker anyway. And if its work, go with bleach, since work tests are not supervised and the lab technicians usually dont do too much investigation into the purity of the sample after analyzing the 300th little cup of piss of the day.

Sorry this post was so long, and sorry if any or all of it has already been said. I'm just trying to help.

Good luck.