So I left off talking about the 5th precept. I'm not going to say that when I read that one I was thrilled. I did get drunk and still considered herb intoxicating in this manner as well, maybe it was just how much I was using. Neve the less, I decided that moderation was good in this case, after all, it is the Middle Way. I really didn't do much about having drinks and getting alittle looped up until like last year or so, where I've only had one drink when we go out and no more.
As I went further with my meditation I thought how can this be a bad thing and it really got me into my meditations. Over time I think I realized that this was okay, but it had showed me a plac where I could reach, much like alot of my use with Lsd. It took me really far out to a place where I was amazed, but even in my own mind, I wasn't crazy, I always felt really there when it was happening. So after a time I made it a point to not smoke a while before sitting. I didn't think this had the negative change that I thought might. I was still able to return to the spots in my mind. This is when I really started to think that Herb was a way for me to sit back and look at my life objectivly from a selfless angle.
During this part of my life I was meeting alot of new people. And when I say new I mean different from my hometown in PA. I was meeting alot of different cultural groups from around the world as well as experiance a more diverse deff. of American. I had alot of good talks with my customers and really heard their stories of there they came from. Two people that come to mind is a man and his brother who moved fro Kenya, and John, the biggest queen I ever meant. And when I mean big I mean 68in waist. But my perceptions of how could 'God' not love all these people. I was raised in a " make rascist jokes but I like black people, Gay is sinful, ect...." household and didn't have a preception that was solid yet but certainly not trained to my personal feelings yet. It was around this time that I really started to feel like I saw similiarity all around me. People walked around the store like a stream of water. I also had what I believe to be an OBE. This is founded in the fact that I went for a visit in my Mom's house one evening and walked around, checked on the family. The next day my sister called me and said she had the weirdest dream that I was actually in the house that nite. Wow. I didn't know what to say about that. But point in that this consciousness I was seeing opened my heart to more people and places with in myself.
From that point on I took it seriously to not let my mind get away from me with alcohol cannabis or heavy trips and to not meditate in an altered state on a regular practice, meaning like I'd still sit if I was tripping, but not with that intention of tripping to meditate.
It was around 02 when I moved back to my home state. I noticed quickly that I had really changed while I was away. For almost the last 6 months of living there I spent in my house with candles, dim lights, reading, music and silent walks. My work was the only time I talked and it was really apparent that I had forgotten how to be social! I really felt like I got to know my true self there and it was really hard to bring it home to old family and friends. Dare I say people thought I should go back to being the old Sage, as my sister put it, and Sage, you've really changed, my Mom said. This didn't make me feel that great.
However it was around this time I connected with one of my girl friends sisters and it was magical to talk with somebody about the last 6 or so months I spent thinking. It was a release.
As it turns out she was studying the Dharma as well, but had grown up in an Earth Centred spiritual family, and was looking at the Dharma as a means to express the Spirit of the Universe.
We did begin dating easily and quickly and after some time began to attend a Unitarian Church with a Mindfullness Meditation Group,samyak-smṛti, right mindfullness, the 7th Fold), which was linked to a Zen Centre up the road. Over this period I learned alot about seeking and walking the Path of Enlightenment, which had amazing results of me conquering my last socialized hurdle of learning to speak, rather than be the most intimidating person in the room, like was so common in the standoffs with my Dad, heck you had to be in those days, or atleast that how he taught it. With the mindfullness I was experiancing and a 3 theorpy sessions and I had a grip. Freedom....
At the UU church I hear a monk say that a master told a seeker to first understand his birth families faith, which is a whole other story in unto itself of personal study. I read alot and read alot of Hindu texts, which is what got me into the Dawali Festival I talk about later, along with a friend. In turn Christianity through the eyes of Indian philosphy settled and helped me actualize truths in the Jesus story I had previously not thought of as such. However Buddhism has always been my eye for everything after that first time. The centering effects of meditation always a practice. Just integrating perennial truths that all are talked about in the Buddha's words as well. But truely something I felt more sure of putting my foundation on.
I continue to smoke and eat some shroomies now and again, but I am getting to a point some days when studying that I forget that I had wanted to smoke before reading, and then I realize it and go back to reading. It was on a Dawali last year that I stopped smoking for a week and had one of the most powerful transformations I'd had in years durning a week of sobriety. This time the anger that I conquered was the one inside of me that was from hurt. Seeing hurt, unfairness and disregaurd for the sacredness of this Miracle we live in. I was putting my hurt ON other people, rahter than accepting I was the reason I was getting angry/hurt. I was the only one who could change before I could go out and engage. My wife, who is a counseler, said, what would you say to yourself, the hurting you. Praying on my wanting to help other, brought forth about 45 mins of some purist Gestault Theorpy, where I talked to this idea and ended up deciding I needed to live my life and that was freely engaging in love to others. My glass this week truely went to a half full or even a how can we fill it, purely for the first time in my life. I was really living and actualizing my Self and what that meant. Which got me pondering that maybe smoking was starting to just be a thing I did, not part of my identity. Simple yet profound thought at the time.
When I started again a week later I almost couldn't handle what I had smoked before, which isn't much and my wheels really started turning. Ultimately, I started smoking again, but a new light and purpose once again has transpired.
My philosophy is more solid these days and I really think Cannabis was a teacher of patience for me to sit and study such dry text, non-fiction and vocabulary. For this I am grateful.
And for your ears( really eyes) for listening, well you know what I mean.
I'm waiting for the Rev here to jump in......
Who else has a story of herbal catalyst story?
Love
SageTree
When you contemplate the body by being within the body, you should not engage in all sorts of ideas about it; the same when you contemplate feelings by being within feelings, you should enter in without ideas; the same applies to contemplating the mind by being within the mind and contemplating thoughts by being within thoughts.
The thoughts should be just the objects of mind and you should not apply yourself to any train of ideas connected with them. In this way, by putting ideas aside, your mind will become tranquil and fixed on one point. It will then enter into a meditation that is without discursive thought and is rapturous and joyful.
-Majjhima Nikaya