tedkennedy

edit: sorry this is the length of a short essay and only includes boring social drama

theres this girl i know who i have known for past 4 years whom im not attracted to physically or as a friend but have remained a good friend to for the past 4 years just because i figure im a nice person. to make a long story short she is really emotionally messed up, but really likes me and guilt trips me into being nice to her all the time, i hang out with her sometimes but generally avoid her because she likes me alot more than i like her.

the real problem arose just recently as i see it, when i reactivated my facebook and i saw she had a wall post about her bike being stolen. i made a short comment about how in the future she should use a bike lock and wont have a problem. she responds very immaturely and defensively and tells me that my comments were "prickish", i see it as just another example where this girl is fucking crazy and im sick of pretending like i like anything about her, i block her from facebook and she emails me apologizing (she apologizes all the time about weird stuff that isnt even wrong, part of her creepy behavior, so in this case her apology means nothing because she has been apologizing to me for acting like a psyco for 4 years)

so i happen to be high at 4 am on the computer, i spend 5 hours writing this brutally honest email to her about how i have tolerated her bizarre, immature, selfish behaviors for years and im tired of it. i really tear her apart, not in a malicious way but i know she will interpret in the wrong way and it will REALLY hurt her feelings. i say things like she doesnt know who i really am and suggest we shouldnt talk to each other ever again. instead of deleting my brutally honest email as i usually do, i click send with the aid of the drugs in my system at 11am and make my way to class.

5 hours later i started sobering up and all of a sudden i remembered, holy SHIT that email is going to either crush her or make her hate my guts. the last thing i need right now is more problems i already feel like a pile of shit.

for past 2 days i have been worrying about it nonstop and im afraid to check my email. ideally she chooses to never speak to me again but i just feel horrible knowing there is someone out there that may hate my guts and say mean shit about me and although she was annoying to deal with she wasnt a "bad" person.

now i leave it up to you good people for the guidance and support that i seek.

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matthew munari