The SARS Volta

I am 21 years old. I know this is my time for doing my own thing on my own time. However, I don't spend enough time with my family. I haven't done my fair share on this for a while now, and I don't know how to turn back and reintroduce family outings and activities as part of my regular life.

This is partially because I am different from them in beliefs, lifestyle, ethics, etc. although I am always civil toward them. I do the basics such as birthdays and holidays with my family, but I am MIA at a lot of extended-family gatherings.

Of course I feel guilty for being distant and them wanting to know where I am all the time. They care a lot more than a lot of friends I have who aren't front-row in my life, shown to be permanent and reliable through thick-and-thin although not the most outwardly loving and welcoming of families. That's why I initially built a wall around myself from them and it's become far too tall at this point. I feel like a deadbeat family member although I treat them with respect and appreciation the little I do spend time with them.

Is this normal? I've never been particularly close with my family, but now that I have my own shit going on I'm further away than ever. Especially with my mom--my dad had custody of my sister and I when they divorced years ago. She and myself will clash if we spend time together frequently, due to personality differences. This is no valid excuse for me to spend minimal time with her, although we speak on the phone regularly.

I feel as if this is going to be a challenge for me emotionally and mentally and might take some balls and getting used to after some time, and I am too discontent with how closed-off I've gradually grown from them. Everybody has their issues, and we've had beef and issues of betrayal and neglect on both sides--mine and theirs. I need to change, or else one day they will be gone and I will have irreversible regrets as well as missing out on good times with them. It isn't a matter of if I will make different decisions, it's how I'll cope with getting used to it.

Can anyone relate?

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(fiance)