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Since things got worse with your mom, she may very well understand just as clearly, but may be in denial to try and protect herself. The difficult feelings of having a daughter confess the failings (in a sense) of being a mother might be too hard for her to bear. Perhaps some demons of her own prevented her from being the mother she knows she should have been.
If things got better with with your dad after the serious discussion, then he clearly understands where you're coming from, and may be your best bet at getting through to your mom. Keep trying to foster a relationship with both of them but keep in mind that your dad could very well be the key to your mom opening up.
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Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize.
"All memory is really a form of regurgitation of undigested experience."
-Alan Watts
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