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Hey pretty decent for a first time write. Remember to show. Don't tell. Write for the audience. You can write for yourself in your diary. But if you plan on showing a piece off you don't want to clutter it up with abstractions only the writer understands.
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The time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted -John Lennon
In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. -John Muir
One man gathers what another man spills...
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