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you've od'd a time or two right ted? so every day closer to your death is also a day further from a time you cheated death and lived on. why didn't you get things over with then if that's really how you feel? you don't really feel that way obviously, it's just a natural reaction that the meaning you seek in life defying you at every pass. all i can say is you gotta see it to live it and it's there if you really look.
i didn't mean to go on this long but shit, life's a game man. you might be limited in your number of inputs, but since they all begin with perception your capacity for teasing immediate, favorable change from it is p darn high. if you're tired of the same old gameplay and wanna spice it up a bit, alls ya need to do is get creative with your perceptions.
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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
rip matt 
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