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Jack Straw · 08-25-2009, 10:12 PM

Hey Sars,

___It is always a tricky situation when one's into it and the other is not. You have to handle this matter with precision if you want to continue a friendship with this dude. I assume you do since you created this thread.
___Fortunately in my experience drunken hookups between friends have resulted in only mistaken one night stands. (or lucky nights when the stars were aligned) Which were very easily swept underneath the rug or, known only by the two who gave into temptation that one late night.. with a few exceptions.
___In a few cases it spawned repeated diddlings leading to a relationship, but rarely. My friends are very.. flippant towards sexual relations. We recognize that the body wants what the body wants (as does the heart) so we don't let things progress to that awkward stage where the friendship is just shot to shit.
___Here's a personal account of a friend I fooled around with a couple times yet retained the friendship:
I was having everyone over for some drinking and merriment. Dancing, singing, conversing, the whole shibang. It started gettin later in the night. Things started to wind down and a girl led me upstairs to my room without any notice whatsoever. I've known her for say, around a year and had never felt that buzz from her before but when nature calls some respond. After we were done she put her clothes on and left. I kinda scratched my head, called it a good day and went to sleep.
She comes back over the next day for more. Talkin bout she wants a fuck buddy. Booty calls on the low. So we hooked up a few more times. Finally the next week we did it for the last time. We are still frenz to this day and I will now try to explain how we ended the physical relationship yet retained the friendship.
___This girl and I have known each other for awhile. We are very chill people. We never made a big deal out of sex. Which is hard not to do on a personal level. B/c our culture makes a huge deal out of sexual activity, which socializes the individual to as well. People like to be pleasured. It's a god-given experience to be cherished, enjoyed, and savored. The hard part is breaking the physical relationship w/out hurting the other ones feelings. Which I did successfully. After the last time I didn't bluntly say 'yo, I don't want to do you anymore.' You basically have to go about your thoughts like the sex happening was not a big deal at all. The sex was a normal activity you and him participated in. Like going to the zoo. Do you guys go to the zoo every week? hell naw, you went one time and who knows if you'll ever go again. If you can regard the sex as something of normal proclivity, you can subtly drop hints that you want to end the physical relationship.
___For example say he calls you and wants to come get hot n heavy, don't tell him 'sorry I don't think we can continue this sexual relationship' because that will hurt his feelings and weird him out, especially if he's insecure. Say something like "I've already got some plans for tonight." "Nah, I'm kinda tired." If you're in person remember body language speaks volumes. If you just halt the sex but don't directly address it. it becomes a non-issue. That's the way it worked with me. I ended the sex without ever telling her we are ending the sex. Sometimes I would come home from work and she would already be there wanting the D. I would come in, grab a beer, sit down on the couch, take some healthy swigs, belch a loud one, throw my smelly feet on the table, turn the tv on, and say 'What's up.' No ignoring her, no acting 'weird', I'd just act normal and eventually the sex just slipped out as easy as it slipped in.

08-25-2009, 10:12 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jack Straw wishful thinker Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Utopia Posts: 981 Thanks: 10 Thanked 18 Times in 15 Posts	Hey Sars, ___It is always a tricky situation when one's into it and the other is not. You have to handle this matter with precision if you want to continue a friendship with this dude. I assume you do since you created this thread. ___Fortunately in my experience drunken hookups between friends have resulted in only mistaken one night stands. (or lucky nights when the stars were aligned) Which were very easily swept underneath the rug or, known only by the two who gave into temptation that one late night.. with a few exceptions. ___In a few cases it spawned repeated diddlings leading to a relationship, but rarely. My friends are very.. flippant towards sexual relations. We recognize that the body wants what the body wants (as does the heart) so we don't let things progress to that awkward stage where the friendship is just shot to shit. ___Here's a personal account of a friend I fooled around with a couple times yet retained the friendship: I was having everyone over for some drinking and merriment. Dancing, singing, conversing, the whole shibang. It started gettin later in the night. Things started to wind down and a girl led me upstairs to my room without any notice whatsoever. I've known her for say, around a year and had never felt that buzz from her before but when nature calls some respond. After we were done she put her clothes on and left. I kinda scratched my head, called it a good day and went to sleep. She comes back over the next day for more. Talkin bout she wants a fuck buddy. Booty calls on the low. So we hooked up a few more times. Finally the next week we did it for the last time. We are still frenz to this day and I will now try to explain how we ended the physical relationship yet retained the friendship. ___This girl and I have known each other for awhile. We are very chill people. We never made a big deal out of sex. Which is hard not to do on a personal level. B/c our culture makes a huge deal out of sexual activity, which socializes the individual to as well. People like to be pleasured. It's a god-given experience to be cherished, enjoyed, and savored. The hard part is breaking the physical relationship w/out hurting the other ones feelings. Which I did successfully. After the last time I didn't bluntly say 'yo, I don't want to do you anymore.' You basically have to go about your thoughts like the sex happening was not a big deal at all. The sex was a normal activity you and him participated in. Like going to the zoo. Do you guys go to the zoo every week? hell naw, you went one time and who knows if you'll ever go again. If you can regard the sex as something of normal proclivity, you can subtly drop hints that you want to end the physical relationship. ___For example say he calls you and wants to come get hot n heavy, don't tell him 'sorry I don't think we can continue this sexual relationship' because that will hurt his feelings and weird him out, especially if he's insecure. Say something like "I've already got some plans for tonight." "Nah, I'm kinda tired." If you're in person remember body language speaks volumes. If you just halt the sex but don't directly address it. it becomes a non-issue. That's the way it worked with me. I ended the sex without ever telling her we are ending the sex. Sometimes I would come home from work and she would already be there wanting the D. I would come in, grab a beer, sit down on the couch, take some healthy swigs, belch a loud one, throw my smelly feet on the table, turn the tv on, and say 'What's up.' No ignoring her, no acting 'weird', I'd just act normal and eventually the sex just slipped out as easy as it slipped in. __________________ The time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted -John Lennon In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks. -John Muir One man gathers what another man spills...