Intersting question. I don't feel you are hopeless based on not reading something. Recognizing that you don't know squat about something and being opposed to something and the unfair problem it presents you and others, is very mature.
First let me say the last church I went to was a
Unitarian Universalist Church and consider myself a practicing buddhist...don't know if they makes me one, that is why I'm practicing
I grew up pretty strictly learning the Bible young and teaching lessons by the time I was around 13 or so. I wouldn't say I was ever a fire and brime stoner...stoner hehe....but rather feel like I could help people find some meaning from the words allagorically or help broaden some more literal things in it.
I have read most something out of it's books, and have read the whole New Testement, thanks to a pocket sized Gideons version I carried with me while living in Vancouver, for the bus.
Knowing some basic history or when and where really helps open up alot of its meaning for me, and also decern the parts I feel were written more for that time.
People have always saught answers to where we came from, where we around going and how we will survive.
To me these are answers writen and based on what people knew. Divinely inspired...I could write long lines about the subjective meaning of divine.
What do you want to know? It's might not be THE answer, but like with meditation, if you enter with intention you have an easier time recognizing things.
The Gospel of John would be my favourite gospel, as it deals mainly with the love aspects and less about history....it has more teachings. Luke was a doctor and his approach is more acedemic, while Matthew was just a tax collector and scribe. And Mark was a devout follower. So they will all read differently. Luke also wrote acts. Take all these authorships with a historical grain of salt.
Alot of Paul Epistles, or letters are to adress particular concerns of new christians around the sea.
In the old testement, that is harder, mostly that is alot of allagorical history. Job, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and some of the prophets are good ones.
My #2 suggestion. Think of a question or intent, like I mentioned. Don't be literal, when reading it. Go to the library and find a 'Life Application' Bible there are alot of historical and theological foot notes and there is also alot of bios and highlights. This way you can see if you relate to some aspects of the characters and will also get a glimpse of how the theologians who made this version are thinking and what they are pulling out of it for Christians, as they see them.
I don't think Christian should be such a finite term, so read openly and think allgories.
Exodus...we are all on a journey blindly inspired at times...things like that.
I feel I can relate to many text of many religions and there are always things that make me scratch my head although I can converse freely about themes.
Also there are 'Teach yourself' series which I find alot more touching on religon than the Dummies book and some thing that might be tons more rewarding for understanding Christianity, and then reading the Bible might make more sense when and if you do.
The Gideons hand out free ones and you can get them at local used stores as well, so you can have one with out $$$ for more encompassing referance.
#1 advice Teach Yourself Christianity, This is how I intend to Save your Life
meaning you'll learn something have a grasp of your original question and won't feel entirely indoctrinated, since these are more open to larger ideas of what Being a christian is. You'll see how it came to be and the liberal to orthodox sides of the faith.
These are the two ways I perceive tackling the question/concern.
Good luck and ask if any of that seemed confusing.
I don't ever want to sound pushy about the Bible. But I am an evangelical concerning my spreading of love and wanting people to feel they have answers to their questions, whatever for the answers come from, as long as they are informed one.
Metta
SageTree