It's ok man. Not trying to push, cause I certainly don't have my mind made up. Over the coarse of my life, what god, spirit of life, high level of consciousness has change evolved and be not/considered. Learning about what makes meaning when the time suits is best. I only mentioned it because of what Bibleguy said and I thought, yea, maybe it would be good to read for himself and see what he thinks, cause what you described sounded pretty similiar in some ways. Most of all I favour happy people with informed decisions. And what make the decision and what informed are differ from person to person. I am a person who likes to read and analyze my experiences and intermingle the two as I keep on walking down the Path. Sometimes one furthers the other, or the other clears things up or puts it in a perspective. I'll read a thing, and years later when I read it again, I'll have had an experience that makes meaning alittle more clear, or something to that effect.
Happy hunting
No matter the idea. I always enjoy hearing what people believe and what makes them tick, or find meaning in said tick.