I guess I DO need to clarify myself a bit.
I'm not trying to make any moral judgement about lying itself, nor is one implied in what I'm trying to say. Lying doesn't make a person bad, per se. I mean, no one could fault the moral compass of the Gies' family who lied to the Nazi's about the Frank Family hiding in the annex above their offices, right?
The problem with lying that I see is that it divides people. For example, if I lie to my wife about cheating on her, then every time she tells me she loves me, from then on, she's not really talking to me anymore. She loves a guy who never cheated on her, and probably wouldn't if she knew the truth. All lies have this same effect to some degree. False compliments are handed out so freely in our culture that they often have little or no effect. "Oh, you're just saying that to be nice." Can you see how these "white lies" lead to a diminished ability for one person to make another feel good about himself?
And this lying that we do so regularly isn't a character flaw that I would try to pin on anyone in particular. It's a cultural flaw, because it's expected, and it's a normal part of day to day interaction between people. And it's not like everyone being lied to is some hapless victim, either. Often they're complicit: "Does this make me look fat?" Most people who ask questions like these don't want you to tell them the truth.
So how do you approach the world honestly?
I think I've given Sage the impression that it means saying whatever you think, and being a dick alot of the time as a result. Routinely saying hurtful things, however, isn't going to do much for inter-human relations, either. I wouldn't want to live in a world full of insensitive assholes, any more than a world that regularly bullshits itself. I do think it's possible to be both kind and honest, however. But it requires that both parties want kindness and want honesty, and that is why the problem is so vexing. We seem to want the lies.
Thoreau said "the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." I can't help but think that part of that is the sense of disconnect that we have with others. It's not uncommon for people living in the most populous areas to feel utterly alone, for example. And that this disconnect is, in great measure, a result of the superficial way in which we interract. I'm with Sage in that I like to treat people with kindness out of an honest desire to be kind, but how can THEY tell the difference, in a world where we're shown kindness all day by people who are actually indifferent, but are required to by their employer? "Have a nice day!" Does it mean anything to either the person saying it, or the person hearing it, anymore?
I think all this white lying, and hiding of our feelings, and projecting an image, and other such dishonesty is serving to drive us apart, and turn the world an emotional sort of gray, where everyone is smiling, but no one is happy.
The Rev