Originally Posted by Silverleaf

i could use a hug.

i fucked up at work today. well, several months ago i did anyways, i used the wrong math because at that time i didn't understand a caveat. but i only found out that i fucked up today, and then i proceeded to look like a fool as i called folders and went through six rolls of fucked-up microfiche to try to find anything to cover my ass, as i hastily threw together reports that had no page numbers, not highlighted or marked in any way, so everyone in the meeting is lost as to what i'm saying, as i admitted my error and took responsibility for costing the company, yeah. wasn't a shining moment. and even though both my oversight and the guy who really screwed the pooch were both indicted in the situation, i was the one feeling left high and dry. based on what i've seen, the client is going to walk away none the wiser, but it's just going to be one big thing at the office. It'll subside and i'll live to fight another day, but now is really a terrible time for this all to happen, especially this case (for the most absurd reasons), especially how long it's been floating in the air (for the most absurd reasons).

also, i'm feeling very unsteady about recent personal decisions i've made. i'm trying to answer to myself, but it seems much harder now than it did the first time this all happened. i don't know to what facet of the problem that speaks to, but i have ideas. i do know, however, that yet again, i've fucked up. it's become clearer by the day. and it's not really something i can up and fix without hurting people, which is how i kind of got myself feeling this way in the first place.

my brother's in a real fucked up situation, too. through no fault of his own, i think most would agree, and we can leave it at that. we aren't really very close, we're a little apart in age, and i always harbored all these feelings that he's too young, too immature to "get it" for so long, but given what he's going through now (and how it sort of indirectly affects me) we're a little closer.

i want it to be the end of march, and i want to know if i'm going back to school, or if that's just another fuck up of mine waiting in the wings.

i thought of starting a thread, but i don't really want to talk about it. i just kind of want to be someone i can be proud of. and i want a hug from someone i feel means it. yahooka always makes me feel good, i's hoping it might do the same right now.