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Old 08-20-2017, 04:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
Just bein' me
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Remember Schleprock from the Flintstones?

Well, there is a new one in town...yep me...The last two weeks, glum, and danger, and comic relief all rolled into one.

I don't have these episodes often, thank goodness, but when I do, I do it right. Go ahead and laugh Me and my brother call them Chevy Chase "fishing" trips, or vacations or whatever, when we go with our dad.

Last Tuesday, I think it was, I got a Corona and a piece of lime, mine are ripe on the tree, and sit on the porch. I was in my newly painted rocking chair, and set my beer in coozie on the little metal table between our rocking chairs. I take one sip, sit it on the I take my hand away, I hit the long neck of the bottle, and knocked my beer onto the porch. It went on the porch, on the table, on my rocking chair... about half of it. I was pissed, and went to go in the house and get some paper towels to clean it up, and then rinse the porch off with the hose. As I went inside, I let the storm door close behind me right on my finger, it hurt like hell. I finally get the paper towels and hose and clean everything up.

When I finished, I went to the back yard to see about making a raised bed with some wood I have. I took 3 pieces of wood, 8ft long planks, starting from about 4 inches wide and going to about an inch wide. They were from a water tank on the old windmill at my house. I started to where I had laid two 4 x 4's, and all of a sudden the boards shifted in my hand, one swung toward my wife's car, and I heard a skkeeettchh! Looked and one of the boards had a nail in the end of it, and now my wife's car has a bout a 3 inch long scratch in the paint. I was like, "Damnit!!" and turned and threw the boards on the ground, and they bounced and broke the top of a 10 yr old rose I have, that is barely hanging on, took the top right off.

I had been talking to my wife, saying, I sure could use a break, and wouldn't mind spending the day on my gold prospecting club property. She said, go ahead, I got your gas. (Ain't she sweet?) So it's a two hour drive from my house, on a small river, with woods all around. But there are many shallow places and gravel bars, deep pools etc., it's on a guy's farm, he has honey bees, grapes, blueberries and blackberries.

First of all, I usually have to hit the bathroom twice in the morning, and that's it for the day. Of course this day, my stomach was giving me a grumble every now and then, but I was sure hoping it would behave, because I didn't want to have to go to the porta-potty. I saw them when I was there before, been there a few years, spider webs around, maybe a few inside, and possible other critters.

I hit the road, and about half way, I get a little cramp... "Damn it! behave!" A little later again. Finally it's been two hours, I put the truck in 4 wheel drive, get out, open the gate, and take a pee. I sign in, and close the gate back, get in my truck and continue for another half mile through the woods, right beside the river. As soon as I get out of the truck, and get my shorts and old shoes out to change, it hit me...So I had to go find the nearest porta-potty first thing! I go back to the truck and change my shoes and clothes there. I get two classifiers, my gold pan in one hand, and a shovel in the other. I walk down the bank, walk across this big stone exposed by the water, it's bedrock, and I can see it under water going across the river. This is where I have to cross, the water is kinda swift, and in the shade I can't see the bottom good. I step onto the edge of the rock, and my foot hit's moss covered mud. My feet shoot out from under me and I land on my left hip/back, the place I have the worst back problems. On top of this, my hand slammed down, and the two classifiers came out of my hand. They were at the edge of the big submerged bedrock, it makes a fall on the other side of it, and it's deep. They start to float away, and then they will sink, and I'm out of two classifiers... I reach out and barely snatched them out of the water...then I start noticing, my left arm and elbow is burning, my backside is wet and caked with mud, and my right wrist is burning.

Oh yes, the fun has begun.. I carefully stand up, and examine myself. I feel pain in my hip and lower back, mostly like shock, the skin is scraped on my arm and elbow, and something pierced and broke off in the skin of my right wrist, a stick or something. I decide to carry on, I'm not driving two hours back, after being here 15 minutes...

I pick up my stuff and carefully make my way across the river, find a place to lay it down, where the bank makes a mini beach sort of. As I start back, and am walking through shin deep water, my right foot feels funny. I raise up my foot, and the sole is coming off my old tennis shoes. It's only attached by the part that curls over my toes, so I tear it off. I look at my shoe, and it's holding together it seems, and feels like I am walking in moccasins. I take a few more steps, and now I get the funny feeling in my left foot, the sole is coming off this shoe too, so I pull it off. I start walking back to the other side, get more stuff and start taking it across, the shoes seem to be holding together. As I start back across again, my shoe feels like it's blown a gasket, I raise my foot, and it's completely come apart, and is just swinging around my ankle, where it's tied. I check the other, same thing..I couldn't help but almost laughing, what next? my ass gonna catch on fire? So I walk back to the truck in my socks, and get my good dry tennis shoes.

I went back and started digging, and sifting the dirt through the classifiers, the more I worked the more my back started hurting, and getting stiff. Finally I made up my mind, I couldn't stay as long as I had planned, but if I stopped for lunch, I prolly wouldn't be able to continue. So I kept on until it started hurting when I tried to lift a shovel, half full into the bucket. I gathered up my stuff and headed back to the truck, it was 1:42pm. I sat down and ate my beanie weanies, crackers, and water. I had to put a towel on the truck seat, because I had discovered I had mud on my left side. I left and got home about 4:30, sore, tired, the Schleprock curse had beaten me again.

Today, I am sore as hell, get big pain, in a certain spot bending, or trying to stoop, in my back... just taking some meds, taking it easy... Hope that damn Schleprock curse is gone for now.
"Nobody thinks the way that I do, I guess nobody dares. My head's so full of things, I set my mind free of them. I'm breaking the rules, breaking all the rules. " -Ozzy Osbourne

Last edited by BudSniffer; 08-21-2017 at 07:42 AM.
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