Mercury

I'm having a debate with my friend, we disagree on the subject of how to treat a woman.

My friend who has been reading some modern dating books insists that to gain attraction from a woman you must be what the experts call "cocky and funny". The reason being, says he, is that women enjoy the challenge of a relationship. Or, to put it another way, a woman gets turned on by the man she cannot have. The forbidden fruit syndrome. And by being cocky and funny you portray yourself as a man who has the world going for him and the girl is only so lucky to get a piece of your glory. That's his school of thought.

I disagree with that. I have been reading more tradtional dating advice and I am a firm believer in chivalry. Not only do I believe it but in my own experience it has worked out quite well. This perspective holds that treating a women thoughtfully is a much more sincere path to her affection. For example: buying her a drink, greeting her warmly, telling her the truth and complimenting her.

Any non-idealist will say that the answer is a mixture of both methodologys and that you have to be both independant and confident as well as respectful and polite. To those people I say no shit. We're talking about which is more important.

Being nice or playing games?

Angelo

i think it is more important to be a nice guy,
treating a woman thoughtfully as u say
its all the small things together that counts

msicidron

you suck merc

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Mafoo

it depends what type of girl you want. i think if you act like a dick and try to be a player youre going to attract like personalities in women.

i try to be nice but still maintain a bit of cockyness because no girl wants a guy who doesnt have any confidence, likewise a guy doesnt want a girl with no confidence. the times when i tried to play games and walk with my chest puffed out or w/e they say to do, i ended up getting alot of attention from girls that i was only physically attracted to, which worked for a while i gues, but didnt really fill the copanionship role i was looking for.

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Mercury

great point man. i would like to think that my chivelrous approach would be refreshing to even the most hardened chick, but deep down i don't believe that's entirely true. gotta be a dick to attract a bitch.

The Rev

Younger women are more responsive to guys who act like assholes than older women are. I think it's all the attention they get. A smoking hot body is way too much power for an 18-21 year old girl to handle, and it warps their priorities. When they come back to earth after 30, then what they want makes more sense to a sane person, and being a cool guy will get you noticed and wanted.



The Rev

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Center

Depends what you think being nice vs being cocky and funny means. If you mean being 'nice' as being a pushover with no backbone who doesn't lead but follows, then I think you won't be getting much play. If you are 'nice by being respectful of your chick as another person not just your pussy for the night but because you know shes a person you DON'T become a pushover or whatever in the process then your golden.

The whole cocky and funny thing is an end not a means. It's the result of a guy who's confident around women not the other way. Guys who don't understand that misuse it and look like complete douche bags.

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"As an organizer I start where the world is, as it is, not as I would like it to be. That we accept the world as it is does not in any sense weaken our desire to change it into what we believe it should be — it is necessary to begin where the world is if we are going to change it to what we think it should be." - Saul Alinsky

Mafoo

the trick is learning to recognize the ones who will be responsive to chivalrous behavior. the other girls are just for fun or w/e you want from them

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PLUR
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return

Mydriasis

Yeah a lot of young broads enjoy being treated like shit. It gives them things to talk about and helps them feel bad for themselves. It also makes them feel like they don't deserve you, which makes them then want to prove themselves to you(Playing Games).

As Maffoo said though, the trick is to find girls that are above the bull-shit. Usually this starts to happen at 20 I'd say. Cuz they've had 2 years of realizing in the adult world that being treated like shit sucks.

Then again there's always the girls that just want to fight with you for make up sex. Which is fucking retarded. I found myself in one of those relationships and just up and disappeared on her. No more attention for her.

Though some chicks are just retarded, not to say some men aren't as well. I was told from a mutual friend of mine some girl turned me down on a date because I was too nice.

If you want a girl who likes it when you treat her nicely, find one. If a girl isn't into your vibe she isn't for you. All you can do is hope she dates some ass-hole who doesn't care about her, they break up and find something better.

I've been told I'll end up single or just friends with women for all of my life, but I'd rather be alone and have flings then put up with bull-shit. I'm not an entertainer, I'm here to love and be loved, anything beyond that can go drown in an ocean.

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Dr. Drew

im a nice guy by default.
so i'm nice to teh ladeiz

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Mercury

props homie!

Not only do I understand the fact that women are people too, but also I know that it's good for a mans soul to know that he treated a person the best that he knows how to.

yo.

good points but being seventeen, i'm not looking for a relationship, so i guess i'm the cocky guy but i make sure not to go too far. i'm still a pretty nice guy i just know girls dig confidence.

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Canuck Wisdom

Yea.. being comfortable and confident with interacting and signaling what you want (like any social interaction) makes two people whoa re attracted to one another able to connect. Some people just dont work, no matter how confident (and therefore 'cocky/funny') you are.

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-Knowitall A&P type-

Roach

the cocks, the jocks ,the obcessive compulsives, the geeky introverts, the obnoxious extroverts, the sex addicts.

future success stories .

SageTree

Be honest, be yourself.

Respect.

Golden Rules and Honest Intentions.

I dated for partners. And these values have illuminated my life and hers.

My wife and I except each for who we were, are and are becoming.

We each have helped the other find qualities of goodness in theirself.f This is a healthy intention and helps us grow indidually and together in confidence, love, compassion and talents.

We agree, it's having a loved and trusted Friend, introduce you to the deeper, more whole person they see existing , over and over again. Showing you a more profound actualization of yourself and your potentials.

Us, being constantly amazed at the person we respectively see and bring forth hasn't stopped for the last 7 years. And has helped us help each other, by providing a strong base of safety and support, a place to gestate altruistic Self and practice sharing it with each other and those we meet in our global families.

This is why I call our house hold a Sangha, a spiritual community. All those who enter our lives hopefully feel the honesty, love and acceptance we fill it with.

I feel I had a lot of kindness and love to share with the world and my Wife helped me turn the key on my heart and mind to let it shine.

So these suggestions are what I used to find such a partner who wouldn't take advantage and be my Lover, partner, teacher, student, buddy and Friend.

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Cerpin Taxt

*Sigh*

I envy you, Sage-San

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Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize.

"The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you."
-Eckhart Tolle

-If you try to destroy him to save them, they'll destroy you to save him-

SageTree

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SageTree

Ah dude, don't have envy, have hope or something that leaves you knowing you have the same chances to set up boundries, frameworks and have the open honesty to cultivate a good partnership.

If not we're always looking for more company and you can help us with immigration

That's allowed here right ?

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Cerpin Taxt

I agree with you. That is most certainly the right mindset to have, and one I believe I have most of my days.

It's just that there are times when I realize I'm younger than I feel, and just feel out of place with my current situation... So, I confuse myself, and feel like I have to act like I'm young and crazy, even though I've always been generally a more quiet and reserved fellow. That being said, there are still certainly times to let loose!

Time and patience will surely allow the stars to align for me, but like any man, I have my moments of weakness.

If all else fails, I will most certainly keep your offer in mind! Haha

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Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize.

"The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly—you usually don't use it at all. It uses you."
-Eckhart Tolle

-If you try to destroy him to save them, they'll destroy you to save him-

Mercury

I'm young too, but I'm an old soul. I always look at my contempraries as blind and ignorant to what is really imporant to life. I see past the superficial and I feel what is real.