OldMan&TheWeed

A List of Porn Clichés


1. Women wear high heels to bed.

2. Men are never impotent.

3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.

4. If a woman is caught masturbating by a strange man, she won't scream with embarrassment. Instead she'll insist he have sex with her.

5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.

6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.

7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.

8. Women always orgasm when men do.

9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.

10. All women are noisy fucks.

11. People in the 70s couldn’t fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.

12. Those tits are real.

13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman’s butt.

14. Men always groan “OH YEAH!” when they cum.

15. If there are two of them they “high five” each other. (and the girl isn’t disgusted!)

16. Double penetration makes women smile.

17. Asian men don’t exist.

18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won’t bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend’s mouth.

19. There’s a plot.

20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.

21. Nurses love to suck patients cocks.

22. Men always pull out and masturbate at the end.

23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she’ll only be momentarily pissed off before joining in and fucking the both of you.

24. Women never have headaches… or periods.

25. When a woman is sucking a man’s cock, it’s important for him to keep reminding her to “suck it”.

26. Assholes are always clean.

27. A man ejaculating on a woman’s butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.

28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man’s trousers and find a cock there.

29. Men don’t have to beg.

30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman’s head and the other proudly on his hip.

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Nintey-three percent of what I say is brilliant, factual information and seven percent is complete bullshit. Have fun deciding which is which.

Kompressor

Pizza Deliverers and Pool Cleaners always get laid by their clients.

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Think like a man of action, act like a man of thought. -H. Bergson

cantSEEme

lulz!


can i add one?


31. pizza delivery boys/plumbers always get laid on the job.

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cantSEEme

damn it, komp. beat me to the punch.


ok, how about: if there is 3 or more ppl, orgies are mandatory.

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Mikey

double whammy

great minds think alike i guess

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RIP Gov

turmaline

Ice cubes on the genitalia is always good....nothing like a freezing cold shock to the you know what.

yo.

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OldMan&TheWeed

Back in my late teens I had a girlfriend for whom it was obligatory to cum on her face.

It was weird. Not very enjoyable for either of us really.

The explanation for this was simple. VHS was new, and she had learned to fuck by watching porno tapes. She was unable to separate reality from the world of porn.

I sometimes wonder how sex was different before the advent of the mass exposure of people to porn.

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Nintey-three percent of what I say is brilliant, factual information and seven percent is complete bullshit. Have fun deciding which is which.

Mikey

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RIP Gov

Debaser

I had a buddy like that when I lived in Toronto. he watched a whole lot of porn, and I think it adversley affected his sex life because it got to the point where he thought the sex he saw in porn is how it actually goes down. Granted, there may be a few instances in one's life where you feel like you're in a porn, but for the most part, "real' sex is a whole lot different than porn sex.

However,
Classic!

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Wouldn't it be great to heal the world with only a song?

Message CM47: Let's go pay some hookers to knock our junk around.

Purd Hupley

You mean when you have sex there isn't bright lights aimed at your stuff, there aren't thirty people running equipment in the room and there's no catering?

The Rev

No catering.



The Rev

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Purd Hupley

You haven't lived until you've had sex knowing that there's an 8 foot table with oodles of take out Thai food and bowls of fruit. So I've heard.

doobie

yah ice cubes makes my girl explode.. she hardly ever has ejaculation orgasms but a few times with ice man she squirted all over me. mouthfull and the all over me.. damn the she was shaking almost uncontroably for 30 min or so.. she either gets off once or twice and ready to quit (starts hurting her) or in occasions like that blows her load 20+ (no shit) girls are really unpredictable sometimes..

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U must remember this one thing my friend. You can swim in a red river but you must not drink from a red river.

farmergiles

I have come to clean ze pool.

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Cultivate a stoic calmness

HTAM

I wonder if she ever got mad a guy who pulled out and came on her tummy.


'YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO CUM ON MY FACE!!!111'

The SARS Volta

for every two girls, there shall be one cup

the women down to fuck are always attractive. there is no such thing as <'C'-cup titties. equally, men who are dtf have at least nine-inch nails

anal is 50% possible in every sexual encounter. however, chances are 100% when it comes to the receiver thoroughly enjoying getting buttchered

you fuck plumbers, awkward delivery boys and all other service industry workers, despite wearing diamonds, living in a mansion and being a dimepiece.

women go to bed wearing a full face of makeup, thigh-highs and push-up bras. men make certain their mystic spray-tans are perfectly even, as well as facial hair and eyebrows meticulously waxed.

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(fiance)

kitch

I wish I had a lady JUST to wax my brows.

glad I caught that.

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Debaser

Clearly you haven't watched any porn starring Ron Jeremy.

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Wouldn't it be great to heal the world with only a song?

Message CM47: Let's go pay some hookers to knock our junk around.

SageTree

Ron Jeremy has many hair 'issues'.....

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