Subtley Selfish

Earlier this year, day before I went to sign on a place with my girlfriend, things came to a head. I had noticed this air of either disinterest or mischeviousness, her complete surreptitiousness, particularly, while texting people, and I was set to get to the bottom of things. I did that which is most unholy. I looked through her phone. Found a conversation with some dude she mentioned in passing but never really talked about (and if you know the girl, she talks about exes always) via text, all kinds of dirty shit, about her being a slave to his desires, about him fucking her and violating her, etc., etc. I was not expecting any of this.

Basically I melted down. Thinking I was going to pass out from whatever, I knocked on the door to the bathroom where she was showering and confronted her about it. She didn't answer right away, so I started getting my shit together to go. She stopped me and explained that she had "set me up" because she had the impression this was going to happen (this being my going through her stuff), she said it was stupid of her, that she'd done something like this for him in the past when he thought his ex gf was a snoop, and that her relationship with this guy wasn't really like that. He lives in another state now, they had hooked up while in school (before we knew each other), and they were simply good friends. I proceeded to get hammered.

The next day we went and put down for the place we were looking at, I very wary and basically outraged, though blaming myself that I had gotten to the point where I went through her personal business. This was several months ago. We committed to work on things and see where they went. She promised that she would tell me if he contacted her again, not because I asked her to. I made it clear to her that I thought her story was bullshit but that I was committed and that I understood nobody's perfect and people get hurt in relationships, but I'd appreciate if she at least told me if she was done with me so I could spare the time and absolute devastation of finding out some other way. She said she was intent to cut him out of her life, that she was about this relationship and that she wanted to "work on us". I was back and forth between either getting on a bus and finding this kid to bust his fingers or simply writing him to thank him for his time, but I did neither out of respect for the lady's wish to "work on us". She said that everything she told me was the truth.

Through other means which are completely legit (i.e., no invasion of privacy, simply being in the right place at the right time for the wrong conversation with a mutual friend of hers, his, and mine) several weeks ago I found out that her story she fed me, that is, that I was "set up" to find that garbage, was a lie. She had been, to that point, carrying out some kinda S&M internet relationship with the dude. She also had slept with him more recently than she let on after we started being "honest" with each other. She does not know that I now know this.

I don't know what to do. We basically live together at this point. We have been dating for almost a year and a half, and she's the first person I've ever thought to see myself with, though not by any means my first relationship. We're locked in, on numerous levels that I won't bother to explain. I don't think I'm leaving, but I do think I'm inches from the edge of being driven crazy by this all-consuming thought that the person I trust most fucks and/or has fucked with me.

I've heard the song and dance that I brought this on myself by going through her shit. Not as an excuse, but I like to think I would have never felt that it was necessary to do so if I hadn't found myself so scared and confused as I was. I look at myself to figure out where, why -- and, for the most part, without meaning to sound like an asshole, but I'm a pretty good person. She's been ill all day, and I took care of her. I cook diinner. Rub feet. Send flowers. Try to have my own life outside of her. Give her her space to be her own person. Encourage her to look after herself and do the things she wants to do for herself. I'm honest with her, even when I fuck things up, and I try my best to be someone her friends and family want to be around. I don't push shit on her that she doesn't want to do. I try and be open in the sack with her so she doesn't get bored. I'm a fucking great guy, bottom line.

So how did I end up here?

End emofest.

Cerpin Taxt

Do not worry about how you ended up here, focus on what you need to do to get out... because that should be your entire focus.

Get out.

She doesn't love you. She doesn't care about you. She readily takes advantage of your caring and yielding nature, and knows she can get away with lying directly to your face.

I'm not saying it will be easy, but any and every thing which comes up in the process of getting out of this toxic relationship will be far less painful than the suffering you will put yourself through if you continue to be with her.

Don't look for rationalization, don't look for a "Well, but.." No.

Get out. Please.

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Step Back. Evaluate. Recognize.

"All memory is really a form of regurgitation of undigested experience."
-Alan Watts

AnimalLover420

Well yeah! Of course it's a lie, and not even a good one. This chick is clouding your judgment. Quit wasting your time with her! I know it sucks to call it quits when you've invested a decent amount of time with someone, but it's better than continuing something that will eventually fall apart anyway. Drop her, dude. You'll get over it, and you'll eventually meet a chick who's got more dignity than to whore around behind your back and not even be woman enough to be honest about it. You'll be MUCH better off in the end.

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Jester4yall

So can you be in a relationship with zero trust on either side? I couldn't. That really sucks to hear man! You'll never know the whole truth. Even if you do find out, you'll never really know for sure. I would bounce inho. Good luck man and be careful you don't wanna catch a charge for beating his tail. Hang in there and Welcome to Yahooka!

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In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson

You will encounter many distractions and many temptations to put your goal aside: The security of a job, a wife who wants kids, whatever. But if you hang in there, always following your vision, I have no doubt you will succeed. - Larry Flynt

Parallax

if you own the place, tell the bitch to pack her shit and gtfo, dont explain yourself to her.

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FUCK THE ROBOTS!!!
NUKE THE WHALES!!!

osirus2020

This.


Just get out of there man. Don't invest any more of your emotion with her because it's only going to lead to more hurt. Trying to "make things work" won't and beating up the guy she's cheating on you with will only get you in trouble. Fuck it.

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ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ

turmaline

Wow, I would try to do it with as little drama as possible, but I would cut your losses and just end it. There is no way this person has your interest in mind. You have every right to look out your self and investigate..don't feel guilty invading "her" privacy...she could be putting you at risk for diseases and God knows what...while you are rubbing her feet and looking after her while she's ill making her dinner etc..i would kick her sick ass out the door..sick or not...You can bet this guy is still around too...trust me.

You have more patience then I could ever..

Hope you take the advice in this thread.

I would seriously consider getting some legal advice as well seeing you are living together...or dude will be sleeping on your couch, eating your food in your kitchen, off of your chairs when you do.

Just a thought.

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"I'd rather a frontallabotomy...th an a bottleinfrontofme".

SageTree

Getting out of a tragic 2 year relationship is how I meant my Wife whom I've been with now for 9 nearly this Sept.

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Dr. Nick Nasty

^ 5 years of pain. married to my soul mate 4 years later.

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Jester4yall

Divorced lol lifes great ha ha



Btw I'm not nocking all you with your soul mates. I'm happy for ya

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In matters of style, swim with the current; In matters of principle, stand like a rock. -Thomas Jefferson

You will encounter many distractions and many temptations to put your goal aside: The security of a job, a wife who wants kids, whatever. But if you hang in there, always following your vision, I have no doubt you will succeed. - Larry Flynt

fenderbender

LOL wow... i cant even imagine being fed that lie...


not only does your girl not care about you, but she she doesnt even care enough to make up a good excuse...

get the fuck out now.

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Imagine there's no heaven,It's easy if you try

<3

SageTree

I'd clarify my 2 yr ride was just a lease ... I didn't buy the ride.
Which means I didn't have to fork out money when I found out I didn't like the car.


I'm saying I wasn't married and am glad I didn't find out the hard way, blood, sweat and tears I can handle.... it's that $$$$ thing that gets crappy when you want to end it.

Although, I can't knock divorce.... I am who I am because of my parents break up... sucked at the time... but now I believe I can say we're ALL happier for it.

/rant

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