On tour

hello all

its been quite sometime sense i have made one of these things so i figured...perhaps now would be a good time.

Well first let me start by saying i for some unknown reason cant few my profile so anybody who has been wondering what the hell happened their honestly i dont know. Its being worked on and hopefully one day is fixed.

I am not sure how long it has been sense i finally gave up the full time drug lifestyle but it does get easier everyday. Not to say that i dont often think to myself hmmmm....perhaps it would be nice to snort a few lines of OC or smoke a lump of that tar goodness. I just know that i seldom do things half ways...its usually all or nothing so i know casual use will certainly lead to problems that i no longer want to deal with. All i can say for sure is that its been over 4 months and it has brought a lot of aspects of myself and life back into focus for the first time in a very very long time.

Its amazing to think about how the years fall alway like leaves in the fall. I struggle to really put together the fact that 14 years or so have passed sense that fateful night i first smoked a amazing lil gift from the earth called marijuana. Ever sense then i have pretty much dedicated my life to knowing all the drugs i could. I wanted to learn everything i could about them and there was so much to learn. I wanted to know ware they came from, how they are used, why they are used, who used them, who still uses them and hundreds of other questions. More importantly not only did i want to know, i wanted to experience fully.

After all the ups and downs because of this way of thinking i can take solace is the fact that it always was a quest for knowledge and there for worthy of a high price.

I took today off from work and i am skipping classes as well in order to stay home today and just slug the fuck out. The real reason i am writing this is because it just dawned on me that in all reality i have things pretty nice right now and i know more heartache lies in the future so i just wanted to write this all down and kinda bask in the glory of knowing that despite my faults, stupid mistakes and just bad luck things still turned out fine in the end.

I am sitting here in a nice chair in our way to large new home with my beautiful fiance Lain and my lil angel of a daughter Lillith smoking a J and just enjoying all that i have while pondering how i could be so lucky. Out of all the things i am thankful for having Lain is def the one i am most thankful for. She has been through a lot of heartache because of me but has always managed to stay true to herself and because of that make me the most lucky man on earth for being able to share our lives together. Basically i finally feel like i want to know about my family and experience the love and joy they provide instead of what drugs can.

Its time to spend the next 14 years being thankful for my family and never forgetting they are all i need. It certainly wont be easy to forget that thankfully

love u all.... ( well almost all ) take care kids