Holy Fucking Drug Test

Krunk · 04-02-2009, 05:21 PM

So I got an email yesterday from a coworker. cc'd on the email are two big bosses of the company.

"We're excited to have you working on this big client in a few weeks. blah blah blah, it's an excellent opportunity and we're glad to have you on our team. blah blah blah, they've got a pretty strict security clearance to work there. They're going to perform a background check with old employers, perform a criminal history check. And you're going to have to take a drug test. We're going to need you to schedule an appointment sometime in the next week. The head of HR will be contacting you shortly with recommended locations, and also a few basic questions.

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

Thanks,
Girl"

Holy shit wtf I think I just pooped myself. I guess I could get clean by next Friday sort of maybe??

fuuuckk.

burnt_hiphophead · 04-02-2009, 05:26 PM

shitty, if I were you and were worried about being clean I would let scheduling the drug test "slip my mind" repeatedly. Has your job ever tested you before?

myxomatosis · 04-02-2009, 05:34 PM

April fools joke?

slapstick · 04-02-2009, 05:39 PM

stock up on niacin, son.

The Rev · 04-02-2009, 06:06 PM

I thought they never drug tested in your industry, Krunk. I guess I'm going to have to become an undertaker, then...

The Rev

Grieves · 04-02-2009, 06:08 PM

GL dude, take all the precautions...

The Rev · 04-02-2009, 06:12 PM

Testclear has fake pee. It worked for me, and I'm willing to admit it even though we ARE arch-nemisises.

Either that, or involved in some mutually-inclusive drama one time.

The Rev

R1bal · 04-02-2009, 06:20 PM

This is something a teenager asks... Krunk you know what you gotta do, dont procrastinate.. if you want the job you will do what is necessary to pass GOOD LUCK

José · 04-02-2009, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by R1bal

This is something a teenager asks... Krunk you know what you gotta do, dont procrastinate.. if you want the job you will do what is necessary to pass GOOD LUCK

ummm. yea what ever that means...

do you think their test could test for the masking drinks?

shai_hulud · 04-02-2009, 06:27 PM

sadtimes. GL mister.

al-Mu'akhkhir · 04-02-2009, 06:30 PM

damn bro.. that sucks ass... i guess you dont even know what kinda test it'll be?

just shave your fucking head and drink 5-9 litres of water a day.

toastyroach · 04-02-2009, 06:39 PM

it's really not a big deal. order the powdered urine kit from testclear.com immediately. you're fine - employee drug tests are just trips to the doctors office with a locked door in the bathroom. no one will be watching - makes substition very easy. do *not* use any type of cleansing drink or any thing like that and use your real piss - this will not work. use the clean fake piss from test clear and you'll be fine

Waves · 04-02-2009, 10:22 PM

the whizzanator iz your friend Whizzinator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

R1bal · 04-02-2009, 10:33 PM

like i said... if you dont already know about the whizzinator, the drinks you can buy at every heaed shop then why do u smoke

Waves · 04-02-2009, 10:44 PM

keep in mind outside of corporate america drug testing isnt as much of an issue to smokers

krunks workin the system, cant let the system work him!

Krunk · 04-03-2009, 03:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by myxomatosis

April fools joke?

!!!!!

"Krunk, we were trying to play a joke on you! There is no background check!!!! We just wanted to see you squirm."

There aren't too many companies out there where your bosses will play jokes on you for puffin herb.

That was definitely the best April Fools joke that's ever been played on me.

shai_hulud · 04-03-2009, 04:10 AM

LOLOLOL awesome. certainly a great company to be working for

also lol @ "see you sqirm" hahaha

**AlteredStateGrl** · 04-03-2009, 04:30 AM

So, how long were you squirming?

Krunk · 04-03-2009, 04:38 AM

it took me about 30 minutes to carefully word my response email, after which she pretty much immediately emailed me with the lulz. then everyone it turned out that everyone i was working with for the day was in on it, secondhand, and were supposed to watch me freak out, which i didn't outwardly do.

apparently a bunch of people were in on it. fuckin April Fools'rs

al-Mu'akhkhir · 04-03-2009, 09:28 AM

oh man...

LOL

04-02-2009, 05:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
myxomatosis life is music Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: between a pair of headphones Posts: 3,917 Thanks: 1,026 Thanked 933 Times in 597 Posts	April fools joke? __________________ oh sometimes the blues is just a passing bird and why can't that always be tossing aside from your birches crown just enough dark to see how you're the light over me last.fm blog deal (updated 12/22/11)

04-02-2009, 05:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
slapstick serial time killer Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: las cruces, New Mexico Posts: 332 Thanks: 75 Thanked 105 Times in 86 Posts	stock up on niacin, son. __________________ ^ nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM "well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen

04-02-2009, 06:06 PM	#5 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,860 Thanks: 5,012 Thanked 5,413 Times in 2,861 Posts	I thought they never drug tested in your industry, Krunk. I guess I'm going to have to become an undertaker, then... The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

04-02-2009, 06:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
Grieves The Worst Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Interstate 8 Posts: 12,072 Blog Entries: 1 Thanks: 2,533 Thanked 3,100 Times in 1,703 Posts	GL dude, take all the precautions... __________________ "And no matter what they said dollar is not your friend and it's the feelings that are hard to know are the feelings that all come slow No matter what they said dollar is not your friend and these feelings that so hard to know are the feelings that wont let go No don't let go, till you find a home World Unite and I'll love you forever"

04-02-2009, 06:12 PM	#7 (permalink)
The Rev Clear Light Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 17,860 Thanks: 5,012 Thanked 5,413 Times in 2,861 Posts	Testclear has fake pee. It worked for me, and I'm willing to admit it even though we ARE arch-nemisises. Either that, or involved in some mutually-inclusive drama one time. The Rev __________________ Budforce - My Friend August 29, 1973- May 25, 2012

04-02-2009, 06:27 PM	#10 (permalink)
shai_hulud Om nom Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ab, ca Posts: 2,161 Thanks: 440 Thanked 600 Times in 335 Posts	sadtimes. GL mister. __________________ "There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

04-02-2009, 06:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
al-Mu'akhkhir Vem Para Ficar Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in some pussy Posts: 3,203 Thanks: 500 Thanked 351 Times in 270 Posts	damn bro.. that sucks ass... i guess you dont even know what kinda test it'll be? just shave your fucking head and drink 5-9 litres of water a day. __________________

04-02-2009, 06:39 PM	#12 (permalink)
toastyroach clan stark Join Date: Sep 2000 Location: the unmanifested Posts: 3,789 Thanks: 288 Thanked 405 Times in 238 Posts	it's really not a big deal. order the powdered urine kit from testclear.com immediately. you're fine - employee drug tests are just trips to the doctors office with a locked door in the bathroom. no one will be watching - makes substition very easy. do not use any type of cleansing drink or any thing like that and use your real piss - this will not work. use the clean fake piss from test clear and you'll be fine __________________ "I'm gonna pray for deadhead as well even though I'm not religious, just super committed to trolling." Terry

04-02-2009, 10:22 PM	#13 (permalink)
Waves Duderino Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: chiburbs Posts: 15,405 Thanks: 991 Thanked 4,036 Times in 2,224 Posts	the whizzanator iz your friend Whizzinator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia __________________ On this life that we call home The years go fast and the days go so slow

04-02-2009, 10:44 PM	#15 (permalink)
Waves Duderino Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: chiburbs Posts: 15,405 Thanks: 991 Thanked 4,036 Times in 2,224 Posts	keep in mind outside of corporate america drug testing isnt as much of an issue to smokers krunks workin the system, cant let the system work him! __________________ On this life that we call home The years go fast and the days go so slow

04-03-2009, 04:10 AM	#17 (permalink)
shai_hulud Om nom Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: ab, ca Posts: 2,161 Thanks: 440 Thanked 600 Times in 335 Posts	LOLOLOL awesome. certainly a great company to be working for also lol @ "see you sqirm" hahaha __________________ "There are only three useless things in this world. Nuns' nipples, bishops' balls and an employer's praise without a raise."

04-03-2009, 04:30 AM	#18 (permalink)
AlteredStateGrl (òÓ,)_\,,/ Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 10,426 Thanks: 2,181 Thanked 1,823 Times in 1,115 Posts	So, how long were you squirming? __________________ The sweetest kittens have the sharpest claws.

04-03-2009, 09:28 AM	#20 (permalink)
al-Mu'akhkhir Vem Para Ficar Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: in some pussy Posts: 3,203 Thanks: 500 Thanked 351 Times in 270 Posts	oh man... LOL __________________

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