[tedkennedy]

^ while i cant argue with what your saying and i do find wisdom in it, my friend nor i are addicted to opiates. we both do have mild anxiety and depression, and a part of having fun for us is "self medicating" and allowing to be more "normal". so minus the fact that drugs were involved in this example the issue goes past drugs. the core issue is that i am a very perceptive, neurotic person and i am very critical about other people but more so critical of myself.

this same thing has happened with my ex girlfriend whom i was extremely compassionate and understanding towards in spite of her numerous flaws and insecurities. she is completely devoid of any understanding of my feelings, and i can sense manipulation and stupidity in basically everything she says to me. but unlike my friend i never really trusted her or thought very highly of her to begin with so it never really bothered me. the sad part is i put up with her shit and continue to put up with her shit despite the fact i loathe her personality. all the people whom i have ever been friends with i basically found reasons to dislike them and form distrust of them to the point that i avoid them. i set high standards for my friend, and i feel he let me down, and now i seem to be making too big a deal out of it maybe?

/hence anxiety disorder.

i agree with your last statement about detachment though. i think once you hit the 20 year old mark you realize that you are basically on your own. it is a sad notion, but i always thought that the few friends i had i could always count on. this is apparently not the case. you cant really depend on friends the way you could in highschool, adult friends do their own thing and then have a superficial obligatory chat once every few months reminiscing about fun things you did the past and will never do again