[tedkennedy]

its really hard for me to live life without drugs.

i admit i can do decently without drugs, but inevitably i always fall into a depression and decide its better to simply numb out.

i dont like drugs, i dont like the people whom do drugs and i dont think they are cool, i simply just dont know what to do with myself and feel like i cant continue without them. part of me is habituated to getting fucked up.

i think ideally i could be happy without doing drugs. but when i dont do drugs i just sit around and feel miserable. i have been trying to improve myself and my life but here i am just depressed and feeling like i simply need to get fucked up.

i think the core issue is that i am just lonely, and the thing is that my friends do drugs. at school i have a few friends but i dont hang out with them outside of class and studying together becuase i feel like i cant relate to them because they dont do drugs and i basically shoot up dope. for as long as i can remember, i would hang out with people and smoke up. during highschool i had really close-knit group of friends and we wouuld smoke ridiculous amounts of weed all the time we would hang out. then in college i didnt have those friends any more and i started shooting dope and chillin with other people. as long as i can remember i linked hanging out and having fun with doing drugs. and it fucked me over.

i know i am a decent person without drugs, i am reasonably smart and interesting, why can i simply not enjoy my life and/or grab life by the balls?

advice?