Quote:
Originally Posted by Porcelain
I hate to sound like a mom...but why don't you find a nice girl to chill with, ya know? Maybe there's a girl out there who can make you happy enough that you're not bored and thinking about relapsing.
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yea thats what i think too but its easier said that done in my circumstances. i have alot of anxiety and stress and low self esteem, the last thing i think i couuld do would be impress a girl. theres actually a really nice asian girl who apparently is into me but i just feel so crappy and insecure that id rather be alone than face a stressful situation. its depressing because id really love to at least get to know this girl, however i have conflicting feelings because i dont want to face a stressful situation. the only way i would be able to handle such a situation if i was fucked up, and in this case that is basically out of the question so i will just avoid the situation all together.
i mean its completely fine if i already know a person and feel comfortable, its just you know those first awkward encounters are just really hard and in the past i would get ridiculously fucked up on drugs. for example this girl asked me to her prom and i only agreed to go on the condition that i was rolling on exctasy :P it turned out to be really fun as long as i was rolling balls, however if i was sober it would have been stressful as fuck. its sad, and i dont want to have to take drugs to feel ok, but unfortunately thats just the way i have been in the past.
i guess im trying to change but its really difficult.