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Originally Posted by tedkennedy
yea thats what i think too but its easier said that done in my circumstances. i have alot of anxiety and stress and low self esteem, the last thing i think i couuld do would be impress a girl. theres actually a really nice asian girl who apparently is into me but i just feel so crappy and insecure that id rather be alone than face a stressful situation. its depressing because id really love to at least get to know this girl, however i have conflicting feelings because i dont want to face a stressful situation. the only way i would be able to handle such a situation if i was fucked up, and in this case that is basically out of the question so i will just avoid the situation all together.
i mean its completely fine if i already know a person and feel comfortable, its just you know those first awkward encounters are just really hard and in the past i would get ridiculously fucked up on drugs. for example this girl asked me to her prom and i only agreed to go on the condition that i was rolling on exctasy :P it turned out to be really fun as long as i was rolling balls, however if i was sober it would have been stressful as fuck. its sad, and i dont want to have to take drugs to feel ok, but unfortunately thats just the way i have been in the past.
i guess im trying to change but its really difficult.
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Ok, I'm totally not trying to be a cheeseball and I only know you as far as the internet so I can't speak for how you are in real life but I don't think you should have any reason to feel insecure. You have a good personality. You know...like, you're funny and smart and from what I've seen of your pics, you're a good looking guy. We all get anxiety. I feel like the older I get the more I experience it but sometimes the only thing to do about it is to say, "Fuck it, I'm doing it anyway." You shouldn't have to feel like you should impress anyone. I know most people feel like there should be some kind of grand gestures involved during the "courting" period but I personally think it's horse shit. I like people much better when they're just like, "Hey, what's up?" instead of trying to be all cool or suave or say everything perfectly.
From what you've said, I almost wanna assume you don't really know yourself or you're afraid to go to that place inside you where you take a good look at yourself as a person. I think I was about your age a couple years ago when I was going through some similar things. Not drugs, but that pivotal time in everyone's life where they decide to either "find themselves" (God, that sounds gay) or run from themselves, ya know? I'm not sure if I'm making any sense...can't really find the words to explain what my point is lol.