[snapshot]

In my own life, studying the depths of what I think is good has completely ruined it (my life)--but in a good way.

I would say the main thing that it has done is it has brought me in touch with my emotions more. This is also been extremely tough on me. Imagine going through life knowing that you've committed evil. To me, it seems like the reason people are moral relativists is not because they don't believe in an objective reality, but because they can't come to terms with their own views on what is good or bad--because then they would have to come to terms with everything they have done wrong that they know, deep down, they shouldn't have.

Ever since delving into morality, I've come to find out that I'm a lot more screwed up than I thought I was, which, again, I think is good. If I hadn't have gone soul searching (with logic) I never would have realized how screwed up I actually was--and therefore never would've tried to fix it.

What I'm doing now is basically coming to terms with what I think is good and right and trying to apply that to my life. It's incredibly hard since I've been conditioned (and I've been conditioning myself) to believe mostly the opposite of what I believe now, so my brain and body feel like they are hardwired against this small part of me that is the real me.

But when I do something wrong, I know it's wrong, I feel bad about it. I don't try to explain it away as a an action whose morality is subjective, and can therefore be dismissed. In order to be logically consistent, I have to force myself to look at my actions and be responsible for them.