[Canuck Wisdom]

Whats that, end it?

I'm gonna keep thinking about it, but I think for now I will just hold my tongue and maybe try and distance myself from her without saying anything. If she comes to visit one more time I will bring it up, let her know exactly how I feel no matter what it means for her, and make sure she understands it instead of as Mafoo says just gets frustrated with the conversation and ignores what I am getting at.

The thing is, she wants to abstain, but says she expects me to date other people while she is away. So in a way it is ideal, but I find it difficult to deal with her telling me about the things she does while also saying she loves me and no way would 'cheat'. Even though the things she says to me, if I was saying to her, would be in attempt to make her a little bit jealous, and it makes me jealous, but then she thinks I should be able to curb my jealousy. Her plan is to take a year off birth control for a variety of reasons, so I mean there is empirical reasons why she would want to be that way.

I think if I do date other people it would make me feel more confident about my situation, but I am hesitant to do that until she either comes to visit or I know for sure she is not coming. She has more experience creating new relationships and I feel like it gives her an upper hand of sort, that I don't care for, i.e. if she is not willing to satisfy my jealous concerns and maybe temper her behaviour a bit out of respect for me I find it difficult to continue having an emotional connection to her. The last thing I want to do is tell her how to live her life, but I don't find her willingness to trust new friends very comforting. In fact, somewhat inapropriate, could lead to being taken advantage of. Personally I am pretty reserved, so I try to be understanding, but that only goes so far when I don't feel respected.

/sigh, its confusing, this morning I got some very respectful (in the sense I am talking about above) texts from her on my phone.