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Thanks for the response, the length was of no concern, look at what I usually type out. I don't give it without expecting to receive it. Well detailed is good for me. Thanks for sharing I didn't mean for it to make you ruminate about bad things, just wanted to get some back ground.
The heavy chest sounds like classic anxiety for sure. About what I'm not sure, but this is what it sounds like to me. If it prosists get it checked out.
My other thought is that you really care for this girl because she was someone that was easy to give you trust to and be honest with, this certainly give way to blossoming love, passionate or otherwise. It doesn't sound like you have had alot of chances to learn trusting realationships early in life and I'm sure that still effects you, thusly why this girl means so much.
You said you felt lonely and that you didn't feel love for alot of realationships you have. I believe that is what could be at the core over all. Would you agree? Because it's hard when you don't feel like you are sharing life, friends or anyone.
What does lonely mean to you? And What was the feeling when you didn't want to go outside and fear reconnection, what was running through the mind? Think feelings here.
I also see you mentioned that you 'see the error of your ways' what do you mean by that?
I'll be back on here tomorrow morning at 5-6am BC time, so I'll look for your response.
In the mean time, try to get out and do something for yourself, take a nice walk, draw how you are feeling or write a letter to the hurt/depressed person within and tell them how you wish they would feel better. Sounds crazy, but trust me.
Also, can you call this girl? If you think it will help to call her and if you really feel like you trust her, tell her what weighs on your mind man. Unless it is more confusing, she really sounds like THE person you have connected with emotionally.
Take care man and just think about deep breaths. Don't be hard on yourself, life is an ever changing form, and sometimes when it my hardest moments, my greatest triumphs have come. I surely wouldn't be who I was today without loss, 'failure', and more trial and error than I can say.
I love you man. I really wish for you to be happy. And thanks for trusting me and the rest of us to help. We wouldn't reply if we didn't care.
Patience and Compassion to you,
Sageji
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