[tedkennedy]

I'm feeling rather ronerry today too. Sometimes, it becomes very obvious to me that I am a weird girl who has a hard time relating to others. I went to a workout class this morning, and I love going to it. It's all women, and I get a little bit of social interaction from it. But today, I just felt very excluded. They are mostly soccer moms and before class, they were chatting about ball games, children, and vacations. I became painfully aware that I had nothing to contribute to such conversations. So I silently listened to everyone else talking and laughing with each other. I finished the class just fine, but my eyes started to fill up before I even got to my car. I am so sick of feeling like I'm not normal enough to fit in with the rest of the world, it's something I've encountered all my life. There was nothing worth being upset over, but I couldn't keep myself together. I've been a real pussy lately, and it's not something I'm proud of.

yeah... its hard finding people you connect with and it sucks being in a place with tons of people but still feeling like a total outcast. the thing i find is that when i am around my family and few friends i get alot of respect and feel like a really great person but when i am on my own i lose all my confidence because i am starting from square one and feel like i have to act unnaturally to make a good impression and then i just get anxiety and worry about how i should act to impress people.

i have started channeling most of my energy into physical fitness and going to the gym. it helps me feel like i accomplish something and part of me hopes that i can make friends there. for me the key is just to try to remain in a state of mind where i am focused on what i am doing and i try not worry about other people and how i am perceived, then whatever happens i will feel ok. if nothing else being physically fit helps boost my self esteem and gives me something to feel proud of (sort of)