Originally Posted by tedkennedy
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yeah... its hard finding people you connect with and it sucks being in a place with tons of people but still feeling like a total outcast. the thing i find is that when i am around my family and few friends i get alot of respect and feel like a really great person but when i am on my own i lose all my confidence because i am starting from square one and feel like i have to act unnaturally to make a good impression and then i just get anxiety and worry about how i should act to impress people.
i have started channeling most of my energy into physical fitness and going to the gym. it helps me feel like i accomplish something and part of me hopes that i can make friends there. for me the key is just to try to remain in a state of mind where i am focused on what i am doing and i try not worry about other people and how i am perceived, then whatever happens i will feel ok. if nothing else being physically fit helps boost my self esteem and gives me something to feel proud of (sort of)
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I totally agree about the family thing. My family makes me feel like I am the coolest chick in the world (most of them anyway, some of them are batshit crazy but I try not to let them throw me off). Then when I interact with people who don't know a thing about me, they don't know what I have to offer and I sometimes get the impression that they don't care to know either. And I'm with you in that I refuse to act like anything but myself in order to get people interested in what I have to say.
The gym thing is a great idea. The same class that I was bitching about just now is actually something that brings me lots of joy most of the time. I haven't really bonded with anyone in particular, but just being in the presence of other people makes me feel like I'm making progress. Since I've whipped my body into shape, I feel much better about myself inside and out. Let's go pump some iron together, teddy! This is going to sound suuuuuper lame, but I really do wish I could be real-life friends with the people I've met on Yahooka. I've thought about it on more than one occasion. I feel closer to most of you than pretty much anybody else (boyfriend and family aside). Sad, sad, sad but true.