YaHooka Forums - View Single Post

Brutrod · 11-07-2009, 08:50 PM

‘Harold & Kumar II,’ Kumar to Vanessa, “I promise you I will never try to make you something you are not.” I usually do not post on message boards because I do not write well enough to fully explain my thought process. Your post and my own recent self reflection have sparked an exception. True friendship can only be achieved with absolute trust between two people. Absolute trust can be difficult to achieve. Friendships are rare. It is human nature to use our own insecurities as an excuse to distrust people, including our ‘so called’ friends. The mechanism by which begin the cycle of distrust is to assume everyone is or should be exactly like us. We all have tendencies to categorize and generalize people as with us or against us. Here comes the hard part - communicating a possible solution to your problem. I am going to make a series of action based statements and questions. Let them sink in and look for reasons to agree before internally processing any flaws in my delivery.

Reflect on how you treat people. Do you really listen to people when they speak? Are you processing their verbal cues and body language? Are you looking for common ground rather than planning how to dispute what is being said. Probably not! Learn to ask sincere and reassuring questions that assist you in really understanding the issue at hand. Easier said than done? Practice on the obvious and then advance your techniques as you gain confidence. Remain positive and forgiving the next time you have a disagreement or feel slighted by someone. Let it go. Accept their mistakes with a smile. This doesn’t mean you compromise your value system. (Only you know your real value system.) Some things are not meant to happen. You cannot change values, but you can develop trust with like minded people by teaching them to play by your rules. Do not reciprocate negativity. In the case of being slighted, accept the outcome, and voice your concern with calm assertive energy, and then move on.

Building trust is much easier when your motives are sincere and transparent. We have to learn to let go of resentment, regardless of its origination. Resentment by its very nature, reinforces negative behavior. The presence of resentment makes us feel uncomfortable, even if we actually realize the error of our ways. We begin to isolate ourselves and quickly form self-fulfilling scenarios of distrust.

Call your step sister. Apologize for the lack of communication, even if you think you are not the one to blame. You do not need to explain your change in attitude. Keep the end objective in mind. Play nice, be responsive and teach her how to be friends by example.

11-07-2009, 08:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
Brutrod YaHookan Status: Offline Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	A possible solution ‘Harold & Kumar II,’ Kumar to Vanessa, “I promise you I will never try to make you something you are not.” I usually do not post on message boards because I do not write well enough to fully explain my thought process. Your post and my own recent self reflection have sparked an exception. True friendship can only be achieved with absolute trust between two people. Absolute trust can be difficult to achieve. Friendships are rare. It is human nature to use our own insecurities as an excuse to distrust people, including our ‘so called’ friends. The mechanism by which begin the cycle of distrust is to assume everyone is or should be exactly like us. We all have tendencies to categorize and generalize people as with us or against us. Here comes the hard part - communicating a possible solution to your problem. I am going to make a series of action based statements and questions. Let them sink in and look for reasons to agree before internally processing any flaws in my delivery. Reflect on how you treat people. Do you really listen to people when they speak? Are you processing their verbal cues and body language? Are you looking for common ground rather than planning how to dispute what is being said. Probably not! Learn to ask sincere and reassuring questions that assist you in really understanding the issue at hand. Easier said than done? Practice on the obvious and then advance your techniques as you gain confidence. Remain positive and forgiving the next time you have a disagreement or feel slighted by someone. Let it go. Accept their mistakes with a smile. This doesn’t mean you compromise your value system. (Only you know your real value system.) Some things are not meant to happen. You cannot change values, but you can develop trust with like minded people by teaching them to play by your rules. Do not reciprocate negativity. In the case of being slighted, accept the outcome, and voice your concern with calm assertive energy, and then move on. Building trust is much easier when your motives are sincere and transparent. We have to learn to let go of resentment, regardless of its origination. Resentment by its very nature, reinforces negative behavior. The presence of resentment makes us feel uncomfortable, even if we actually realize the error of our ways. We begin to isolate ourselves and quickly form self-fulfilling scenarios of distrust. Call your step sister. Apologize for the lack of communication, even if you think you are not the one to blame. You do not need to explain your change in attitude. Keep the end objective in mind. Play nice, be responsive and teach her how to be friends by example.