haha i like to speak generally that's all. i'm trying to describe the condition we seem to operate from, projected of course from the condition i myself seem to operate from, and i perceive that it's the result of our social interaction as well as being what our social interaction is based on (kinda like the chicken and egg ain't it). that condition is ego, and while i can only speak for mine i speak of all ours collectively because they share certain self-limiting traits that can only be rehabilitated once they're identified. when i say we i mean that i have thus identified some or other trait that is shared among us by default, being born into society. but i'll oblige and talk solely about myself if it facilitates your understanding and ability to continue this nice chat
the good is that none of it kills me. a bruised ego is not life-threatening. supporting its mode of operation may be painful for me (a la the suffering of the material cycle in buddhism and other eastern traditions), but it is what i know and it does a good enough job to keep me alive. in this relationship i find a comfort to which i may return again and again. it is stable, calm. and as for loyalty, it has no problem sticking with me until i die. in a way, it's the total package! but i've spent some time apart from it, and realized that it closes me off from much. before i ever really get the chance to experience a thing, it's already labeling and categorizing it, ordering up just the "right" emotion and predetermined reaction to suit the piece of infinite potentiality that emerges each moment. that's absurd, of course. there are infinite ways to interact with infinity; why settle on just one?
so eventually it gets me asking questions, and that's great!