Whatever happened to courtship?

Mercury · 10-30-2009, 12:41 AM

It used to be that when a guy and girl were interested in eachother then they would make plans to see eachother on the weekends. The rest of the week would be spent daydreaming about eachother and psyching yourself up for the weekend. And this would go on for at least a couple months before, perhaps, they started to see eachother during the week and sleeping over occasionally.

But now days it's like couples want to hit the ground running. It all STARTS with sex and then it's like you gotta see eachother every day after that. You sleep together, you eat together, you go out together, you come home together. If it's not together then it's not a relationship.

She stays at your house 5 nights a week. After a month you've met the family, the friends and you share the same bathroom. After 3 months you've practically moved in together and the arguments begin to pop up. After 6 months you know everything about eachother and you've made love every way possible. After a year there is talks of engagement and by the second year you're married.

Does this not sound like it's 2x faster than it should be?

verklingen · 10-30-2009, 07:51 AM

everything's going faster it seems. has it hit you that christmas is around the corner again. . . already? could be we're all trying to catch up and keep pace.

**AlteredStateGrl** · 10-30-2009, 08:22 AM

yay! i can't WAIT TIL CHRISTMAS!!!

№1 · 10-30-2009, 08:30 AM

toastyroach · 11-01-2009, 10:32 AM

hmm... mercury, have you ever actually seen a female vagina before??? besides looking in the mirror of course...

osirus2020 · 11-01-2009, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by toastyroach

hmm... mercury, have you ever actually seen a female vagina before??? besides looking in the mirror of course...

Do you always have to be an asshole to everyone who thinks relationships can actually have love in them?

And to be honest I think this is a great topic to talk about.

toastyroach · 11-01-2009, 12:23 PM

are you kidding me?? just read the title of this thread and mercurys actual post. it sounds like it was written by a 80 year old man. and that whole last paragraph just screams virginity. i mean wtf gets engaged after only a year of dating, or lives with a person after 3 months?? (and when it does happen, how often does it end in actual success?) his whole thread is retarded

**kitch** · 11-02-2009, 11:48 AM

just have fun, don't worry bout love til you wanna have kids.

**SageTree** · 11-02-2009, 12:28 PM

I got engaged after 1.5 years and was married by 22, after two total years of seeing each other. One living apart, one together. We've been together for 7 and married for 5. We don't/can't have kids and we love each other very deeply. I am happy this is the amount of time it took, because I honestly couldn't wait to call her my Wife.

Standing in front of our friends and family really did make it a declaration of our love and commitment to each other, just like any other ceremony in which you commit yourself. This surprisingly felt a lot stronger than I thought it would. And did make me feel different that 'feel like married' verse that actual declaration. Legal stuff has helped us in immigration and is a good thing in case one of us is ever hurt or is in the hospital.

I think that marriage for a lot of people has seemed like 'the next step' and that is something I don't feel is healthy.

Personally though, I knew from the second I saw my wife, some of you may know the story, after 5 years apart, as family friends, I knew I wanted to be with her forever.

Sappy sappy
Sage

**kitch** · 11-02-2009, 01:46 PM

good for you but I ain't getting married til I'm at least 32, too much fun to be had...

**SageTree** · 11-02-2009, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by kitchkinet

good for you but I ain't getting married til I'm at least 32, too much fun to be had...

by fun do you mean multiple partners? Cause if you mean drug freak outs...you just haven't found the right lady

**kitch** · 11-02-2009, 01:58 PM

I mean options more than anything. At this point in my life I'm not a big fan of committed relationships since they only seem to cause problems (possessiveness, jealousy, etc...)

**SageTree** · 11-02-2009, 02:13 PM

I was married two year by your age

We are all different though, and where we go looking can have a large baring on this too, although honestly conquers many stumbling blocks no matter what scene.

I suppose its fair to say my wife was 24 almost 25 when I met here, and I was 20.5, so that does change that jealousy possessive variable.

I think when we met each other it was like, okay, lets just stay brutally honest with loving intentions. So we took a bite out of a lot of things by talking openly and freely with loving intention.

No pressure, just talking here

**kitch** · 11-02-2009, 02:16 PM

word, I hear ya. I like being in love, I think everyone does but I feel like it's ok to be in love with more than one person at the same time. Open relationships just seem to work better for the people I know who practice them, since you never feel trapped.

Mercury · 11-02-2009, 04:08 PM

I wrote this post out of reflection of my last girl. She was super sweet and loved me a lot but in her mind a relationship was all about sticking to one another. She wanted to see me literally EVERY DAY and we'd only been together for like 2 months. My friends say "Uh yeah no shit she wanted to see you every day, she's your gf". That's when it hit me that things have changed. No longer does a man live his own life until he's ready to marry. Chicks want to be inseparable right off the bat.

Cerpin Taxt · 11-03-2009, 09:52 PM

Originally Posted by Mercury

No longer does a man live his own life until he's ready to marry.

Wrong. I'm doing this as we speak. I have too much to learn about myself and what I want in my life, let alone what I am going to do with it. I don't want to bring a woman into my life when I still don't have mine figured out; I only risk leading myself astray and hurting her in the end... which is what happened in my last relationship.

I believe I need to be fully confident in myself as a human being and as a man in mind, body, and spirit. Only when I've reached that plateau of growth as an individual, will I seek the further development that only a realistic, sensible, loving, and consummate relationship can offer.

It can obviously be hard sometimes... but as a guy who generally enjoys being alone, it can surely be worse. Furthermore, the types of girls I run into on a semi-regular basis only re-affirm my covictions that I'm not at a point in my life where I am ready for a very serious relationship.

I figure that the closer I am to that point, the more often I should encounter women who are more my type... I'll have surrounded myself in a living environment more in tune with who I am/who I am becoming, and hopefully with people (i.e., women) who are the same!

...I realize I may have taken your quote out of context, but I felt like sharing my take on things

osirus2020 · 11-13-2009, 06:58 PM

Originally Posted by Mercury

No longer does a man live his own life until he's ready to marry.

A good friend's dad said that if there's anything you want to do in your life, do it before you get married.

Quote:

Chicks want to be inseparable right off the bat.

That's definitely subjective. Some women are clingy, some are distant. It sounds like you're the kind of guy that puts a lot of work into a relationship which clingy girls seem to really dig.

Don't let one lady screw up your future relationships by giving you a bad impression of what a relationship is or isn't.

The SARS Volta · 11-17-2009, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by Mercury

It used to be that when a guy and girl were interested in eachother then they would make plans to see eachother on the weekends. The rest of the week would be spent daydreaming about eachother and psyching yourself up for the weekend. And this would go on for at least a couple months before, perhaps, they started to see eachother during the week and sleeping over occasionally.

But now days it's like couples want to hit the ground running. It all STARTS with sex and then it's like you gotta see eachother every day after that. You sleep together, you eat together, you go out together, you come home together. If it's not together then it's not a relationship.

She stays at your house 5 nights a week. After a month you've met the family, the friends and you share the same bathroom. After 3 months you've practically moved in together and the arguments begin to pop up. After 6 months you know everything about eachother and you've made love every way possible. After a year there is talks of engagement and by the second year you're married.

Does this not sound like it's 2x faster than it should be?

This seems to exceed 2 times too quickly. However it is you who is in control over progression rates--how quickly or gradually you want it to go. Your view of the courtship process seems insular and inexperienced, quite frankly.

This stage does not unravel so smoothly or predictably as you mapped it out. Life (and the pivotal stages within) cannot be simplified with some formula you see that 'everybody else' has used. If you don't want it to be like that, it doesn't have to be.

The Rev · 11-17-2009, 04:26 PM

Thanks to modern birth control methods, there's no social stigma against having premarital sex anymore, and that is why "courtship" is dead. Young people have ALWAYS been in too much of a hurry. Nothing's changed there. There's just no countering force to that enthusiasm in our society anymore, so it's dicks out and fuck, fuck, fuck.

Just don't forget to wear a condom.

The Rev