Colleges are Nursing-homes...

...Except more people die in college.

F it.

If I have to play someone else's game anymore, I think something drastic will have to be done.

My game isn't the best, but at least it's mine. I'm not saying that anyone should play it, I just want what everybody else wants, and because I don't want to be somebody's trained seal i'll be forever branded for it.

I had straight A's in high school until I started to realize how the world works, aka, .

I realized how I had been lied to about everything, about how i've been lying to myself about everything, and how useless life really is except to the singular individual.

Now, it's my second semester in college and i'm looking at three F's and a B. The B is from a class where all you do is watch movies and talk about them.

I'm not lazy. I'm not depressed. I'm not crazy. At least not any more crazy than anybody else.
Ok, i'm crazy.
And ok, I am lazy. And depressed.
But in ways that actually matter.
I'm depressed because I am fully aware of how mediocre I am. Ok, a better way to phrase that could be that i'm depressed because I have a low opinion of myself.
I'm lazy because i'm depressed.
I'm depressed because i'm crazy.
I'm lazy because i'm crazy.
I'm crazy because i'm depressed.
I'm depressed because i'm lazy.
I'm crazy because i'm lazy and depressed.

That's all those three things are; an endless chain of emotional barriers that keep me from enlightenment.
I welcome the chain they create for me, because in reality, i'm scared.

I'm scared of myself, because i've been conditioned (genetically, developmentally, and socially) to feel like my thoughts are worthless. Any thought or piece of work that I might be proud of in the smallest degree has so much crap attached to it. I can't accept my own talents because i'm afraid of them not being as good as what I feel they should be.

And that is why college sucks.

I am a sensitive, intelligent individual... 19 years old...

AND I'M SITTING IN A COMPUTER LAB AT 1 IN THE MORNING BECAUSE I KNOW I ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING TODAY WHATSOEVER!

I want to connect. But I get in my way all the time. It's not the college's fault, it's my fault.

All i'm saying is, is that I think college is really just another form of social control.

Why are we schooled so young?
Because we have to be. Youth has more power than every gun in every country combined.
Or I should say potential power.

We can't harness that power, because everyone is so deluded by everything.

I consider myself an artist. I write, I draw, I sing, I play music, all as a way of illustrating what my understanding of the world is.

I'd like to make a movie that I direct, write, compose, and star in. So does everybody these days.
I see new technology like Youtube as a mockery of youth. Since technology excludes the old and infects the young, it deludes us all, for our coming generations.
Why aren't people looking up and saying that the people on this planet are really fucked up? every single person on the planet is so fucked up that the only pure and good people are people who are either crazy, or are people who just don't give a shit.
Jesus fuck.

And people expect that the election will change everything. Fuck it; Obama, Hillary; who cares?
We'll still be fucking pawns to them. Hell, we're not even pawns; we're the chessboard under the pawns.
And the game is always the same; we get run over by the more societally fortunate, we get fucked by the long arm of the law, we get blood on our hands because we actually fucking support the chess pieces.
But we don't have a choice!
We are just tiles!
We can't move!
All the board can hope for is some larger entity who is moving the pieces with telepathy from a bunker five hundred billion parsecs away, playing chess with himself as nothing more than a form of mental masturbation, to come pick the board up, kill off the pieces, cut out the tiles, draw little faces on them with permanent marker, use scotch tape to put some appendages on us, and then give us life.

Pretty fucking slim hope.