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04-02-2009, 06:21 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2007
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Holy Fucking Drug Test
So I got an email yesterday from a coworker. cc'd on the email are two big bosses of the company.
"We're excited to have you working on this big client in a few weeks. blah blah blah, it's an excellent opportunity and we're glad to have you on our team. blah blah blah, they've got a pretty strict security clearance to work there. They're going to perform a background check with old employers, perform a criminal history check. And you're going to have to take a drug test. We're going to need you to schedule an appointment sometime in the next week. The head of HR will be contacting you shortly with recommended locations, and also a few basic questions.
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks,
Girl"
Holy shit wtf I think I just pooped myself. I guess I could get clean by next Friday sort of maybe??
fuuuckk.
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04-02-2009, 06:26 PM
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#2 (permalink)
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Yahoooooooooooooooooookan
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Canada
Posts: 741
Thanks: 76
Thanked 55 Times in 42 Posts
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shitty, if I were you and were worried about being clean I would let scheduling the drug test "slip my mind" repeatedly. Has your job ever tested you before?
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Wildcard, bitches! - Charlie Kelly
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Originally Posted by R1bal
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my sister is a bartender and i bet you all the money you have i have been to her bar more times than you have been to every bar in your life
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04-02-2009, 06:34 PM
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#3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: between a pair of headphones
Posts: 2,832
Thanks: 166
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April fools joke?
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fuck this city, and fuck this filthy air
let's build a-frames in the woods and just live there.
we'll all eat berries and build fires every night
and forget this mistake we call modern life.
last.fm
blog deal (updated 11/02/09)
Originally Posted by SageTree
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I am too constantly amazing
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04-02-2009, 06:39 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: las cruces, New Mexico
Posts: 422
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stock up on niacin, son.
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^
nigga went to "dont know what the fuck is going on" college - GHM
"well, they say that life is a joke. so try not to wait til the last moment to laugh at it." -verklingen
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04-02-2009, 07:06 PM
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#5 (permalink)
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In my head, somewhere.
Posts: 12,154
Thanks: 149
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I thought they never drug tested in your industry, Krunk. I guess I'm going to have to become an undertaker, then...
The Rev
__________________
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS IN ALL THINGS IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH REALITY
DISRESPECT INCORPORATED
The Order of the Illuminati
"I don't like seeing vaginas stretched out and having dead octopi fall out"
-scottishbastard
R.I.P. Governor  We know you're smokin wherever you are.
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04-02-2009, 07:08 PM
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#6 (permalink)
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Terra Sancta
Posts: 8,529
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GL dude, take all the precautions...
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do you have another opinion
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04-02-2009, 07:12 PM
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#7 (permalink)
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In my head, somewhere.
Posts: 12,154
Thanks: 149
Thanked 495 Times in 289 Posts
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Testclear has fake pee. It worked for me, and I'm willing to admit it even though we ARE arch-nemisises.
Either that, or involved in some mutually-inclusive drama one time.
The Rev
__________________
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS IN ALL THINGS IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH REALITY
DISRESPECT INCORPORATED
The Order of the Illuminati
"I don't like seeing vaginas stretched out and having dead octopi fall out"
-scottishbastard
R.I.P. Governor We know you're smokin wherever you are.
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04-02-2009, 07:20 PM
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#8 (permalink)
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NEast
Posts: 121
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This is something a teenager asks... Krunk you know what you gotta do, dont procrastinate.. if you want the job you will do what is necessary to pass GOOD LUCK
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Originally Posted by Weedwax
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No, I'm pretty sure I called YOU a whore.
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04-02-2009, 07:26 PM
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#9 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,351
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Originally Posted by R1bal
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This is something a teenager asks... Krunk you know what you gotta do, dont procrastinate.. if you want the job you will do what is necessary to pass GOOD LUCK
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ummm. yea what ever that means...
do you think their test could test for the masking drinks?
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I'll keep my Guns, Money, and Freedom. You can keep the "change."
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04-02-2009, 07:27 PM
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#10 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: snowy land
Posts: 72
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sadtimes. GL mister.
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04-02-2009, 07:30 PM
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#11 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: in some pussy
Posts: 3,015
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damn bro.. that sucks ass... i guess you dont even know what kinda test it'll be?
just shave your fucking head and drink 5-9 litres of water a day.
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04-02-2009, 07:39 PM
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#12 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: loungin, between two pillars of ivory
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it's really not a big deal. order the powdered urine kit from testclear.com immediately. you're fine - employee drug tests are just trips to the doctors office with a locked door in the bathroom. no one will be watching - makes substition very easy. do *not* use any type of cleansing drink or any thing like that and use your real piss - this will not work. use the clean fake piss from test clear and you'll be fine
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Choose the sword.. and you will join me..
.. choose the ball, and you will join your mother in death
You don't understand my words... but you must choose..
So.. come boy... choose life or death
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04-02-2009, 11:22 PM
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#13 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: chiburbs
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Originally Posted by Lloydy
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cesar is a legend, the mexican king of the dogs
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04-02-2009, 11:33 PM
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#14 (permalink)
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: NEast
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like i said... if you dont already know about the whizzinator, the drinks you can buy at every heaed shop then why do u smoke
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Originally Posted by Weedwax
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No, I'm pretty sure I called YOU a whore.
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04-02-2009, 11:44 PM
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#15 (permalink)
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: chiburbs
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keep in mind outside of corporate america drug testing isnt as much of an issue to smokers
krunks workin the system, cant let the system work him!
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Originally Posted by Lloydy
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cesar is a legend, the mexican king of the dogs
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04-03-2009, 04:51 AM
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#16 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 490
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Originally Posted by myxomatosis
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April fools joke?
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!!!!!
"Krunk, we were trying to play a joke on you! There is no background check!!!! We just wanted to see you squirm."
There aren't too many companies out there where your bosses will play jokes on you for puffin herb. That was definitely the best April Fools joke that's ever been played on me.
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04-03-2009, 05:10 AM
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#17 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: snowy land
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LOLOLOL awesome. certainly a great company to be working for
also lol @ "see you sqirm" hahaha
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04-03-2009, 05:30 AM
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#18 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where Trouble Melts Like Lemon Drops High Above the Chimney Tops...
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So, how long were you squirming? 
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04-03-2009, 05:38 AM
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#19 (permalink)
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 490
Thanks: 129
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it took me about 30 minutes to carefully word my response email, after which she pretty much immediately emailed me with the lulz. then everyone it turned out that everyone i was working with for the day was in on it, secondhand, and were supposed to watch me freak out, which i didn't outwardly do.
apparently a bunch of people were in on it. fuckin April Fools'rs
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04-03-2009, 10:28 AM
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#20 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: in some pussy
Posts: 3,015
Thanks: 294
Thanked 187 Times in 149 Posts
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oh man...
LOL
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