how to pass a urine test

[thedudeabides]

just signed up to let some of you know what i did to hopefully pass test. Failed a random at work and had to join the EAP program to keep job. Mind you I have been suspended w/o pay until I can pass clean. Got notice 25 of March and continued burning trend. the followoing monday I met with some counselor who thought that since I have been smoking for so long and almost everyday, that it would be impossible to clean up on my own. She recommended to my EAP that I join a group(similar to PTI). OMFG. I made two mistakes early. The first being that I should have used QF 4.0 on the first go round. 2nd, never spill too much info to these people. Act like it was a simple mistake. That is how my employer handled it, but they use another company to directly handle all benefits, PTO, drug free workplace,etc. It was out of their immediate hands. I did get clean au natural in just less than 14 days and passed random test on 3rd week of group/class. Yeah, they test too. I drank a ton of water after they told me, and the test showed 2 very distinct lines, so I knew I was good. My next hope was that EAP would let me go back to work based on that test. No go. Had to go back to Labcorp for protocol. I then got nervous that I may not pass LC test b/c I felt the one I just passed my be too diluted for their standards. I may be wrong, but I do believe their (LC) tests have more integrity. Not sure home tests pick up creatine levels, level of gravity and Ph. and things that make dilution(?sp). That is when I started doing more research on these sites and seems that for unsupervised test, QF4.0 is the way to go. Got it overnighted, studied it, practiced it, became it. Now I only hope results backup my new beliefs. Will let u know.

[Roach]

better yet ,do not apply to businesses (for employment) who drug test.


works for me every time.




And................. I have no idea what most of the abbreviations you used meant ,rendering your post meaningless for the most part.
What I gleened from it.......
You work for someone who does not trust you.You proved them right in their mistrust. Now you believe you've fooled them. What do you want...

congratulations..?

[thedudeabides]

I PASSED! Heading back to work now!

Hey Roach...you are a douche, a complete ass clown. It is obvious that with 4807 posts, you type more than you read. And businesses that don't test, usually don't pay squat. I wanted to keep my kush job. And the business does not distrust just me, but everybody. That is why it is a random. You see businesses do these tests to protect themselves from scum like you who likely make fraudlent workers comp claims and insurance claims. Now, what do you want.....effin loser.

[snakeskin]

Hi again, it's been a while since my last post on this thread. Updating to say I ended up being dilute again (for the 3d time) and I didn't get the job. I was offered to go retake it but I had enough and told them I found something else... So after this dissapointing turn of events after I had stayed clean for a month I collected some of my own pee on 4/19 and have it stored in the freezer. After this was done I celebrated 4/20 in the usual way.
Does frozen really work? How do you thaw it out, do you have to filter it? What do you put it in to go take the test? I am thinking of ordering some synthetic for back up. I know I'll have to get tested again sooner or later every job here seems to do it.
I am just pissed I kept coming up dilute. Are there just differences in how strict these labs are? It seems that much gatorade would make it dilute too.

[phatkat]

Hey everyone, I have a quick question regarding the definition of "heavy pot smoking".

I realize that smoking 2-4 times a day is considered habitual, but my question is..if you smoke 3-5 times a day for 3-4 days of the week and then smoke nothing for 3 days of the week..every week..does this pattern of usage make any difference in how long THC will remain in the body? I can only assume that if you smoke 2-4 times every day of the week, it will remain in the fat cells longer, but when I am searching sites that define "low" "medium" and "high" drug usage, I am not completely sure where to categorize myself.

Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks.

[zeusalmighty]

Don't listen to the gimmicks, vineger is just going to hurt your kidneys. Bleach can kill you, and they test for it in your urine. They'll probably test for anything you put in there, Visine, Bleach, Vineger, Draino. Don't fuck with it, nothing of that nature is going to enter your fat cells and cleanse the metabolites away, and even if the test is fooled, they're going to check for it.

Here's the idea - Dilute and mask the dilution. Notice that it's not masking the drug, you are masking the fact that your urine isn't a true cross-section of your usage. If your urine is dilute enough, there won't be enough metabolites for the test to pick up. I did some research on all those detox drinks, and found a PDF file online with most of this information. E-mail me if you want the pdf file, I'll forward it to you. I passed two home tests this way - still don't have the results back from the official test, but I'm confident.

Your urine contains creatinin - produced from creatine monohydrate you get from red meat. If that's too low, and they test it, you fail. Your urine also has electrolytes in it (read: salt). If you don't have enough salt, you fail. Also, if your piss is clear, you'll fail (or best case they'll retest you).

So here's what I've done to pass my home tests:

Quit SMOKING as soon as you hear about the test - you don't want to be battling yourself.


If you can't afford it, substitute 1 quart of water + 2 tums for 1 quart of Gatorade. Gatorade tastes better and has electrolytes. The tums will do the same thing, but it's not as tasty.


If you have a lot of notice (like a week), 5-7 days before, exercise and eat like 7 or 8 small meals a day. This will increase your metabolism, which will help your fat cells pump some of the metabolites out, hopefully reducing the amount inside to begin with.

Two days before (48 hours), stop exercising. Eat 2 giant fatty meals a day - DON'T eat breakfast. Wait until lunch and gut load. At dinner, eat JUST before you go to bed. This will SLOW your metabolism down. You want to STOP pumping those metabolites out. Start taking creatine supplements, you can get them at WalMart or Walgreens (like 10 bucks for the bottle). Double the dosage so you're peeing out most of it. Take a B complex vitamin before you go to bed (this will turn your piss yellow).

The day before, HYDRATE. It can take your body up to 24 hours to fully absorb all the liquid you drink, so make sure the day before you have sufficient liquid. It won't hurt to drink more than you need, it'll definitely flush your blood out in prep for tomorrow, but you don't need to be drinking TONS - you don't need to pee clear right now, just make sure you have as much as your body actually needs. Take a B Vitamin in the morning. Continue the creatine supplements. Eat LARGE FATTY meals - the idea is to push stuff INTO your fat cells instead of having them pump stuff out. Make sure you are only eating twice the day before, and eat JUST before you go to bed. The food sitting in your stomach will keep your metabolism low.

The morning of, DON'T EAT. Provide yourself 4 hours before the test. That means, if it's at 9am - wake up at 5. Take 2 B vitamins. Take a double dose of Creatine. Start pounding back gatorade. Drink as much as you can (2 quarts is sufficient) as soon as you get up. Make sure you defecate and urinate as soon as you can. Keep drinking 8-12 ounces every 15 minutes or so until you are urinating clear. Keep drinking 8-12 ounces every 15 minutes now until your urine is turning yellow from the B vitamins. An hour and a half or so before the test, your urine may go clear again, if it does, take one more vitamin. Keep drinking. You want that gatorade to turn into water as fast as you can make it.

When you get to the test, make sure you are still feeling the urgent desire to urinate from pumping yourself full. If you are in a position where the drug test isn't the center of the meeting (like new employment or something), HOLD IT. You'll want to pee bad as hell, but just keep thinking about what happens if you fail - it'll give you strength. The urine in your bladder should be pretty clean.

When you take the test, use the middle stream of your urine, don't give them the beginning or the very end of your stream. Picture the metabolites as sugar at the bottom of a pitcher of cold water. Let's say you poke a hole in bottom of the pitcher - what comes out first? A stream of sugar. But it doesn't all come out, a bunch remains at the bottom. The last bit of water is going to carry the rest of the sugar through the hole. See?


That's it. Don't act scared, those fuckers can smell it on you.


Hopefully this helps.

[mjay4twenty]

I'm going to be completely straightfoward. I have a drug test for my job which has to be done no later than May 30th. I was planning on doing it this friday, but now I've almost completely made up my mind to wait. Maybe you guys can persuade my decision.

First off, it's a very relaxed drug testing clinic. I took a test there last summer, 3 days after smoking for the first time, and another one the summer before that, completely clean and innocent. Whenever I want, between 8am and 5pm on weekdays (they're closed on weekends) I can go up there, give them my form, take a piss (no one watches you), and leave.

Now for my history of smoking. Before last Monday, (the 12th) I had been clean since Saturday (the 10th). However, on the 12th I smoked one hit of a very little amount of schwag I found in my desk (it only took one hit to cash it all), who knows how old. The day after that I had one more hit of low THC schwag, to speed up my shroom trip. Before Saturday I was a regular smoker for about a year, on average smoking at least once a day. Sometime I wouldn't smoke for a couple days and other days I'd smoke frequently that day. I know my tolerance had been maxed out cause It was nearly impossible for me to get 'baked.'

Anyways, since tuesday I've been clean, drinking roughly five 20oz glasses of water everyday, but not exercising a single bit. I should probably start doing that.

As for my body, I have an incredibly high metabolism. I'm almost 18, weigh 125 (actually 122 now, Ill explain later) and shit at least twice everyday.

Now, as for what I'm working with. I have a protox orange drink for light weights, and jumpstart pills, both I got from planet k. I've been debating whether or not to get an at home drug test. All that would really do is tell me if I diluded my pee enough, I already know I can do that.

Like I already said, I ate shrooms last tuesday and sweated a bit, but I didnt eat nearly enough to 'trip'. Friday (the 16th) I ate much more at 6pm and tripped balls, sweating nuts all day until about 2 in the morning when I finally came down.

On Saturday (the 17th) I was up all night. There were four of us that went through a little more than an 8 ball, starting at 11pm and spending all night doing lines. My heart would not stop going crazy, my hands were sweaty, my metabolism was wrecking balls, and when I got home around 9:30am I had lost 3 lbs. The last thing I ate that night was dinner around 7 so the entire night I was running off nothing. Although I did drink a beer and lot's of water.

So here's my plan. Take my jumpstart pills the day before my test (29th). The day of test, I'll wake up early, start drinking water and not stop. My pee will be completely diluded. Ill take that detox a couple hrs before 4:30pm, (when I'm planning on going up there.) My pee should be plenty yellow from all the shit in the detox, if not, I'll down some gatorade.

I guess what I'm really wanting to know is do you think I'd pass if I take it this friday? Or should I wait till next friday (the 30th)? It will be almost 3 weeks clean if I wait that long.

Maybe Im just sweating nuts over this thing. I mean I spent 40 bucks on those pills and drink, I should be fine. Then again, without this job my summer is beyond fucked.

Any suggestions help. Especially from anyone whos passed with protox.

[needaweed]

I do have an additional question. I have 5 days to test for those fuckers at probation. I think you know your stuff. I am wondering if veggies such as Asparagus and other natural detox foods and drinks help your method. I have 5 days and I am going to follow your method. However, would it hurt to start using natural foods now, and if so, what do you recomend?
A big thanks.....you are da man!
A~

[chilam6886]

for the vta,in B-12 thing///you get the same effect by drinking a lot of those energy drinks like Rock Star so you could always claim that....

[SourDeez]

U sed when ur completely clean, if u smoke a fat blunt, it takes 24-48 hours for u to be clean. Is this without doing any of ur methods, or is this with trying to use ur method. Wood this mean that in 48 hours I can smoke another fat blunt and Ide be safe in 2 days? Also, with this method, shood I be drinking alot of water and gatorade for several days be4 I begin ur strategy on the day be4. Also, if ur smoking every day, 1 L a day, how many days in advance wood I need to start drinking to pass, and wood ur method work just as soon even with heavy users. 1 more question, im 135 Lbs and 6 foot and am very active, being that Im lighter will I be clean sooner than heavy people. I know its alot, but can u plz answer all of my questions becuz I dnt wnt to take any risks for my prohbation so I really need to no the answers.

[give]

capt.murphy has some good advise,but i just had to take a drug test for a new job,i went in tio give some paper work and the lady said ok,lets take a drug test,i almost shit,said i had to pick up my little one,can i do it tomorrow?
they said yes
so i could not do most of the things people do,so i went to the health food store and bought some shit called the extra stuff,i also drank 2 glasses of water every 2 hours that night,probley about 6 al to gether,in the am i drank that shit i bought,was tuff keeping it down to,but i did,i mean 30 bucks,lol,so i went to the place,pissed in toilet first,then in cup then toilet,dident want any res in it,lol,anyway it worked,and let me tell you they do look for color,seen it listed on the sheet,but it worked for me,and i like to smoke

[give]

now remember pot heads,they take piss temp into consideration,if you are bringing someone else's piss with you try hiding it in your crotch and have a hot coffee sitting in there up till you piss,

[give]

viniger?bleach?drain o?who drinks fucking draino?wow i am guessing this place if filled with pre teens and fucking retards if you have considered drinking bleach and draino,maybe you shouldent smoke,lol,sonds like you might be fucked up enought already