how to pass a urine test

[Capt. Murphy]

since i'm sick of seeing people asking this question about urine testing, i'm copying this from a previous post i made awhile ago... if a mod would make this sticky it would probably save a lot of repeated posts...

when testing UAs they detect a metabolite which is basically what your body produces while a substance is travelling around your bloodstream. the minimum amount to be considered a positive test is when it is 50+ parts per million. diluting your piss means that in the sample there will be more water and less metabolites. if a test however is too diluted ( i.e. all water no other natural waste material that your kidneys filtered out from your bloodstream ) most will count it as a positive, or at the very least make you retake the test.

in order to get around this, instead of just drinking all water, drink about 33% water and 66% gatoraide. don't take any b vitamins... they don't do shit for your urine gravity except make your piss turn a bright neon yellow... when they see that they will know you were trying to get around it. the day before your test eat a light breakfast and an early lunch, and drink a large glass of water. the next day, try not to eat anything, but if you are really hungry just eat a little something at least 3 hours before your test. about four hours before your test drink like three-four gatoraides (16 oz bottles) and one-two glasses (16 oz = one glass) of water.

when you are taking the test, first piss in the toilet for a couple of seconds, fill the cup, then finish pissing in the toilet. most of the waste material is in the very first stream of piss, and the last little bit. if by chance you actually did dilute the piss too much, just tell them that you run/play sports a lot and easily get dehydrated... drinking that much fluid is normal for you.

again, let me reiterate; THERE IS NO PILL/DRINK/CHANT/ADDITIVE THAT WILL MAGICALLY MAKE YOU PASS A DRUG TEST. ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES LIQUIDS LIKE WATER AND GATORAIDE ARE A WASTE OF YOUR MONEY.

hope this helps.

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something else i have posted numerous times that belongs here is how long it takes for the traces of pot to be filtered out of your system...

now, everytime you smoke you flood your system with THC... which is then transferred to your brain via the blood stream, then back down to the kidneys where the traces are filtered out... now, your kidneys can only filter out a certain amount at a time, so the more you smoke, the longer it is going to take to get it out of your system.

now, only you know how many times you've smoked in the past couple of weeks, so only you can estimate how much shit is still floating around your system...

the general rule of thumb, is if you are totally clean, and smoke a bowl, then it will take about 24-48 hours for your system to be totally clean again.

now, if you're smoking all day everyday, then it is going to take about 30 days (720 hours) for your system to be totally clean.

now for how clean you need to be in order to pass a drug test, i can only attest to what worked for me...

since i was being tested about once a month, i would smoke for two weeks right after i went in... now this is probably about 3-4 bowls a day...

then for about a week and a half - two weeks before my next test, i would not smoke... then when i go in for my test, i dilute my piss using my method above...

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10-08-07
UPDATE BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE CAN'T FUCKING READ APPARENTLY

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you people are so fucking stupid

no, the suregel doesn't do a goddamn thing except make you spend money and look like a jackass on the internet. THE KEY IS THE WATER RETARDS.

also, if you start popping vitamin B and your piss is neon yellow, they will obviously know that you are up to something. YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE ANY PILLS, INCLUDING VITAMINS.

if you're stupid enough to drink bleach, i sincerely hope you die, or at the very least become sterile so your genes won't further pollute the pool.

and please, don't drink "gallons upon gallons upon gallons" because you can die. if you chose to do so, please see above.

IF YOU DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN JUST DRINKING ENOUGH LIQUID TO DILUTE YOUR PISS, THEY WILL SUSPECT SOMETHING AND MAKE YOU DO ANOTHER ONE AND SPECIFICALLY TELL YOU NOT TO DRINK SO MUCH FUCKING WATER.

on the other hand, if you just drink a lot of liquids and they say boo, just tell them that you're on the cross country team and have to drink a lot of water, or if you don't drink enough water you get crippling headaches. i dunno, make something up that is at least plausible.

goddamn

[Capt. Murphy]

go ahead and try those...

then see what happens

ewroid has a lot of good information, but not all of it is %100 up to date...

[snapshot]

i passed a govt test using a cleanser, but i like this post a whole fucking lot.

[Buzz]

What about the tea that comes with pills that you have to drink a gallon of an hour befor you take a pisstest? Would a gallon of tap watter and your own pills do the same thing?

*works* and a bump.


I also, for marijuana at a minimum, like to add a 48 hour rule on top of this, as I know when my tests are scheduled, and my use is relatively infrequent.


Surprisingly, today I even passed for amphetamines, to which I am prescribed. However, my piss was water clear, the testers will know something is up, expect them to comment.

Good post jesuit.

[legal_pothead]

why bother with all that shit?! just use old urine. a freezer full like on american beauty. Hey it worked for ricky fitz and his paper bag!

because they watch my penis to make sure pee-pee comes out into the cup.

[nuneral]

Originally Posted by Ellis D.

because they watch my penis to make sure pee-pee comes out into the cup.

lol.........

[tangledupinweed]

Perverts!!

Heres how to get around it..get someone else to urinate into something that can be attacted beneath the scrotum..i suppose it depends on how closely they watch your penis but with practice you should be able to squeeze ya balls (including the said attacted) and get some sort of flow going.
It does help if the person donating the urine is not pregnant other wise youre on a winner

meh, I just dilute. Easier, and less chance of getting caught, in my situation.

bump-bump-bump

[noimtheluckyone]

Why not take a piss before you smoke, preserve it, put it in a bag that's in your boxers, and poke the bag when in the stall?

[..gzagenius]

ok......first off......bump






and second off, imma do all this shit, but how long does it require me quitting weed for...i have till jan 3rd, is this method just not quitting weed, and just diluting??

[K10]

Originally Posted by noimtheluckyone

Why not take a piss before you smoke, preserve it, put it in a bag that's in your boxers, and poke the bag when in the stall?

Didn't you read what ellis said man. There are people that watch other people piss for a living, they know if your doing something, and if your really fucked, they really watch the pee come out your penis.

[..gzagenius]

bump....

[..gzagenius]

w00t, sticky status, hopefully this doesnt fail me come feb 7th....

[SmokeSomeDoja]

plus if the piss isnt heated its a dead giveaway

[JSBJ]

I plan on looking for a job around late May or early June

If I want to naturally let my body cleanse itself, how long would that take?

[x263]

Originally Posted by JSBJ

I plan on looking for a job around late May or early June

If I want to naturally let my body cleanse itself, how long would that take?

if you quit for a month, you will have nothing to worry about.

[GEARBANGER]

What about niacin?