Hug Me Please. - Page 10

turmaline · 08-31-2009, 08:28 PM

I have broad shoulders, so in the mean time....

**SageTree** · 09-08-2009, 09:17 AM

Hi Folks.

Just feeling pretty tired at the moment.

My wife has alot of her plate right now. She is busy in her schedule and I feel is having some existential issues right now concerning death, which means that I have to talk about it as well.

Her Uncle how has outlived his cancer due date by 3 years now and was just told that the experimental trials aren't going to help him, since he rejected them physically. He is only 50

Our cat is 14 years old and has just been put on thyroid meds, for the rest of her life. They are helping her. But dang it. She is 14 and looking and acting older all the time.

And this ofcourse leads to the natural consideration of our deaths, which isn't easy to think about when we are both already sad, and the thought of not having the other around right now is overwhelming.

I only have 8 more days of work left and then I am out of town for a month house sitting. So I will have some time away, in a way. I plan on using this as a retreat/cleansing time for myself and am taking a break from smoking for the better part if not all days from Sept 17-Oct, after Dawali. I won't have acess to it and had a really amazing experience last year when I stopped for two weeks.

I feel the retreat time will give me some focus and recharging, because this has been going on since the early summer when her Grandpa died, got calm and has recently resurfaced. She is always busy which is healthy for her, but has become stressed out lately. I feel like I have infinate patience, but it's hard when she is arguementative and me not far behind in moments lately, because of feeling stretched.

So think about me here over the next few weeks. There is a trip to Nova Scotia for a conference which coincides with our 5th Anniversary, then I'll be away for nearly a month.

Just needed to vent this some what, as yesterday I had to have a more serious talk about it with her and let her know where I'm at as well.

It's hard to feel like you have it together and are holding up another person as well. Thus is a marriage and friendship, I have had times when I'm the held, but now it's me holding. So wish me the strength and patience so that it's easier, but not because I feel like I can't go further.

Thanks.

AnimalLover420 · 09-08-2009, 09:55 AM

I've been having some issues with death lately too. My way of pulling myself out of it was that I reminded myself that I'm NOT dead yet, so there's no need focusing on it. If all I think about is how much I don't want myself or those I love to die, then I won't even fully enjoy the time I spend living. That's exactly the realization I needed to stop concentrating on life's unknowns. I hope your wife finds the realization she needs in order to enjoy her own life more thoroughly. I'll keep you guys in my thoughts. Don't worry, Brotha Sage. You guys will get through this phase, just like you've made it through every other trying time in your lives/relationship. And eventually, you'll look back and laugh. It seems like a stretch right now while you're in the midst of it, but I can almost promise that this time next year, you'll be like "LOL remember that time when we were trippin' over death? Glad that's over."

Bearsy · 09-15-2009, 12:21 AM

Originally Posted by Bearsy

I've been in love with the same girl since my Freshman year in high school.

Would it be wrong/weird/creepy of me to ask her if I when get down to a normal weight I'd have a chance with her?

Mydriasis · 09-15-2009, 01:14 AM

Sage I know your inner strength will see you past that rough time. It's a cosmic wave, just make sure when it starts peaking to ride it back onto shore. Body surfing!

I've been contemplating death a lot lately as well. I've truely come to grips with a lot of things but it's officially a year since one of my pals got murdered

. RIP Jaz. So I feel for you, it's hard to have such a love for things and just watch them go off to exploring the unknown. But one good thing about this kind of feeling is, everyone get's it. So I'm here with ya in a way.

Bearsy - I know your going through some really rough times as well. Bearsy your too good to go looking for this one girl. She doesn't deserve you romanticly if she can't appreciate you romanticly.

Also don't go on losing weight for other people. If you want to. Lose it for yourself. You've got a big heart man, and it will only be a problem for you, if you close it off to be something else.

& much love to my brothers and sisters looking for strength and courage in these rough times.

**SageTree** · 09-15-2009, 08:41 AM

Originally Posted by Bearsy

Would it be wrong/weird/creepy of me to ask her if I when get down to a normal weight I'd have a chance with her?

Bearsy I think an crucial part of love is acceptance. Who you 'are' doesn't have alot to do with what you look like.

It's good to found someone that you really like, and it's worth a shot at saying that. My concern would be the holistic health of the realationship. You deserve someone who loves you for you.

But good on you for working so hard with your weight and I bet you are getting closer to your goal every day.

Sager

Mikey · 09-15-2009, 08:54 AM

hugs for all!
i hope everything works out for you guys Sage, all the best good vibes being sent.

And Bearsy just ask her out now, odds are she'll say yes, don't even bring up the weight thing. I'm rooting for ya!

**SageTree** · 09-15-2009, 08:56 AM

Thanks Mydri.

Today Delilah goes to get a tooth out and her teeth polished, so that maybe she can eat easier. Her thyroid pills didn't set well with her at first, and that will be adjusted as well once she goes back on them.

It's hard to think about this little ball of fur that has been around for my wife and mine's total time together, just not being there. She is such a part of our family and since we can't have children this makes our pets even more important in that aspect.

It's really hard sometimes knowing I'll never look into the eyes of a baby I helped create....

Knowing these are my attachements, that is all part of my thinking when I consider what it will be like to not have her around. I mean she is 14....she is healthy for the 99% part, but I can tell that we are getting to the extending life phase of our existance, and I contemplate that selfish feeling as well, and wonder about the time we'll have to choose. I wish she would just curl up and fall asleep like a dog I had did, but life is rarely that forgiving with death.

My wife is the one I feel for the most out of the two of us. I don't want her or the cat to suffer and I don't know if there is alot I can do to help.

So for the last week or so I have just been overcome ,while working in strangers gardens, with tears, for our cat, for my wife, for our short time together, and maybe for myself as I want to be part of a solution. I'm just taking it in stride and being forgiving to myself, because it is hard to let those you love go. And I've been taking the time to spend extra time with the good thoughts I have, like all of us sitting in our upstairs rooms on Sunday's, when we lived in a different house, reading, listening to the radio and smoking, and the times now when she is out and seeking us.

We are incrediably lucky to have such a good cat and I hope that we all will find the power and stregnth to work through this together. It's not an 'if' ofcourse, it's just when. And I must try not to think too much about what that will look like.

I don't particularly need to be whining about this on and on, but it feels good to get my thoughts out on 'paper'.

Poor Rishi doesn't know what to do when his buddy is at the vet. So I hope that she does okay today with going under for a while and that she returns to us saftly once more.

Thanks for listening friends.

BibleGuy · 09-28-2009, 11:42 AM

I love hugs! Givin 'em, gettin 'em... We all need 'em.

Makros_01 · 09-28-2009, 07:13 PM

Bearsy:
im in love with a rather large woman myself. Bree. we've known each other since she was thin and 20. and now shes really fat and 30 and you know what
i dont care. she's in New Mexico now doing art studies on a six month uni exchange. we're still just friends, but this time round, her absence is something of a pang, and our phone calls and her messages leave me in little doubt she feels the same. we're nervous together about ruining such a long friendship. but the point is

truly loving someone, or even wondering weather you love someone. is not dependant on weight. i hope you reach your goal and lose weight for yourself. living longer and the like. but to be fat is not a bad thing, and you should never let anyone make you feel bad about it.
that is a tainted love.
good luck!

hijabihippie · 09-29-2009, 07:54 AM

Right on, Makros 01, you got it exactly right. Go, Bearsy, Go!

"Faint heart never won fair lady."-William Shakespeare

turmaline · 09-29-2009, 01:46 PM

hugs for all of everyone on this page.

**SageTree** · 09-29-2009, 02:11 PM

I feel that I should say that we are all doing much better.

Me thinks the news of my Wife's Uncle has had time to settle a bit.

Our oldest cat seems to be more stable and is eating for lost time. She has a few teeth out that weren't healthy and is 99% better all around. We believe she has even put some weight on, which is great. She isn't so distant, my Wife says, since I'm not there to see it. And She was almost so happy telling me about it that almost began to cry with relief, which makes me feel exceedingly happy as well.

Our time together is always something we both battle and are using these lessons as a time to reflect and be more kind to each other. It's easy to call it constant adjustment and fine tuning, when you are married or committed to a person this is a necessary fact, no doubt, however it's good to verbally acknowledge the good days and say thank you, as we often practice. Bringing back the mandatory 20second kiss a day has really helped to and to remind each other that when we argue, to reach out and touch the other.

We are deeply in love and on our vacation we shared love atleast once a day, which was grand. And really were able to relish the time and space we share in this Universe, if that is even the biggest thing there is.

We spent a night in Sydney looking at the milk way and talking about things. I wrote about it in my blog about our trip. And it almost brought me to tears of joy to share with her my feelings about how the stars make me realize how significant our insignificance is, in that we have each other as best friends, lovers, teachers, encouragement and amazement.

thanks for your kind thoughts and words each of you as you witness the rise and fall of this amazing phenomena that is our life.

:Love:

Love the hug emocons.

I wish you all the best and courage to keep plowing through to good times and a place where one can learn from all experience.

Mikey · 10-06-2009, 08:45 AM

i dont want a hug from anyone i just want to vent
the past 4 days ive been so fucking cranky and irritable and i started taking it out on the ones i love, which really sucks, i feel bad and ive apologized
but here again i wake up and again im just in a bad fucking mood
the smallest fucking things set me off

pffft
i think im better now

hijabihippie · 10-06-2009, 08:49 AM

Now that you've vented, may I offer a hug, please?

**SageTree** · 10-06-2009, 10:34 AM

Thinking of you Mikey.....remember to breath, it helps us think before we act. Mindfully take one before you speak if you can.

Today my Sister in Law is having a procedure that is serious. I'd rather not talk of what it is, as it is highly personal to her. But there are alot of messed up reasons there is stigma. She will be safe and well afterward, but a piece of her will change today for sure. Pray and sends Goodness to her in mental and bodily recovery. This is a hard one. And I am really saddened by the necessity, but accept it's for her life to prolong.

hijabihippie · 10-06-2009, 02:26 PM

You got it, Sage.
Peace and blessings to you, your wife and your sister-in-law.
BTW-consider yourself well and thoroughly hugged.

Makros_01 · 10-06-2009, 04:46 PM

more hugs for sage and players for sages family.

and special hgs for mikey. i know the feeling of involute anger. Be free inside the head friend. Be concious of your thoughts and think of good things. Reject bad thoughts as you would an intruder. Just till you calm your joints.

**SageTree** · 10-06-2009, 05:09 PM

Thanks Friends.

I am checking in with Autumn, my wife, Later tonight for news.

BibleGuy · 10-06-2009, 05:59 PM

Sorry she has to go through that Sage. Peace, light and health to her...

Hang in there Mikey. Glad you have some folks to share with here.