Listen to me whine

[Human-yo]

I hate telling people that things in my life and my sons life are extremely hard, because it makes me feel like I'm whining. It also makes it seem like my son is a monster, with values that only his parents can see, which is so not true. People that know my son love him.

He was diagnosed as severely autistic when he was 2 1/2. He'll be four in August. Right now he's on a waiting list to receive therapy. The therapy is too expensive for us, like most families, so we're waiting for a waiver from the state to pay for it. We think it will be next January when he finally gets his therapy. The therapy will be very intensive (35 hrs/week) and in our home. This therapy is really the only chance he will have to recover many of the things he's already fallen behind on. He needs it. The therapy is very successful, but it becomes less successful as he gets older. That's why waiting so long has been so painful.

I just said 'therapy' way too many times in that last paragraph. Get the point? HE NEEDS THERAPY!

He barely talks, he isn't potty trained, he's almost impossible to deal with in public, and he RUNS constantly as though he's tweaking all day and sometimes night. He runs, and runs, and runs. It's absolutely exhausting. Throughout the day, he squeals and squeaks so highly pitched, it's difficult to maintain sanity. He hits, head-butts, pinches, and kicks. He's completely unreasonable, a result of our inability to truly communicate with him. He cries and cries. He giggles and giggles (you'll never understand). He doesn't sleep, like the girl in "The Ring."

But he's so fucking cute and sweet. When I say cute, I'm not saying this as a parent who would adore his child no matter what; he is absolutely beautiful. In between his tantrums and screaming fits, he is so loving. I'm his favorite and it absolutely melts my heart. For me, his autism is transparent. I can see through it and see the real Liam. It's sort of like an annoying high and he just can't get sober. He's completely frustrated with it. He's also very smart. I know this because of how much he has managed to communicate his needs with us, usually without words. His problem solving skills are truly amazing. He has EXCEPTIONAL balance. Sounds weird, but I almost think that this little nigga could walk a tight rope. He climbs everything and there's no stopping him, even for safety's sake. He sort of sets his own agenda. We really have little control with it

Anyway, my whole reason for venting is this, among other things:

My family (Me, Wife, Liam, Sydnie) along with my in-laws went to go watch fireworks earlier tonight. I knew we'd have a better chance winning lottery jackpot than actually staying more than two minutes to watch the fireworks, but we always try with these sorts of things anyway. I knew that he wouldn't be able to stand in one small area or cooperate in any way. Sure enough, 30 minutes before the fireworks were supposed to start and four blocks from our car, we realized that he was unable to stay in one spot, and instead wanted to run around in the busy street. As we restrain him, we can tell he's about to start another endless tantrum. So right away, we just say fuck it and walk back to the car and go home.

I just want some fucking normalcy in my life. I envy those with normal three year olds. I know that normal three year olds might get the urge to play in a busy street, but I also know that their reaction to the parents restraining them is tolerable and NOT such endless tantrum that we deal with.

Is this understandable?

I tell people about my difficulties with Liam and they just don't understand. In their experience they see three year olds tantrum all the time. I can never seem to explain WHY his are so difficult. This drives me crazy.

I feel like this has just been one big ramble of a post, but if I could just reach out and make one person understand why life is so difficult for my family, I will somehow feel satisfaction. I don't need advice or tips necessarily, just someone who is willing to actually read everything I wrote and say, "word." And I really hope it's not going to sound like one giant whine of a post. And I hope it made sense.

That is all.

[Captain Cannabis]

word.

[v3d4]

yeah its understandable. word

[surf*and*smoke]

I want to write out something meaningful, something that says I can definitely see where you are coming from and how you feel about everything, something... longer. But nothing sums it up quite as much as:

Word.


...And good luck in therapy and good luck making it there. I have heard of miraculous things happening in Autism therapy and I wish you only the best!

[SpankyMcLankey]

Dude, I read a really good book that was about this kid that wanted to be a basket ball star. He was a good basket ball player, and his brother was autistic, and in a wheel chair. His Dad had some anger problems, and evaded all bad situations with his son. Then they went to the theme park and the brother had a tantrum and they had to leave. I remember it was a really good book, it really made me feel emotions I had never felt before. He sounds like a fun kid, I wish you guys the best of luck.

[SpankyMcLankey]

I grew up with one of my good friends from elementary school. His Mom died form skin cancer when we were in 5th grade. It was a sad day, his little bro was autistic, his Dad was a really nice guy and his Mom was super nice too. They were honestly the nicest people you could ever meet. He was a really sincire kid, really polite and his brother behaved himself really well too. Of course there was the ocasional break out, but his parents knew how to handle him pretty well. He's a nice kid though, he knew me and he would talk to us some times. It's a really mixed emotion topic though, it kinda makes me uncomfortable but I also know that it's something that we all have to think about. It's only normal.

[generic_hippie]

hard work bro, props to you for only needing a vent here and not irl

[WildWill]

Very heart wrenching story, I feel for you man. My daughter is 21 months and an angel most of the time, so I can only imagine what you must be going through.

Best wishes and good luck.

[Xil]

What you must put up with i cant even imagine. Yet or still their for your kid and trying to get him the therapy he needs; that speaks immensely to your character.

I hope the therapy really helps and you can see much more of the beautiful person you know your liam really is.

And i almost forgot, word.

[Captain Cannabis]

i read an article in the paper that made me think of you. some woman is trying to get an apology from a restaurant because they were in town getting some therapy for their autistic daughter, and were trying to order food at a the restaurant. when the autistic daughter discovered that what she wanted was not on the menu she started to make a scene, and then manager came out and asked the family to leave. they tried to explain to him that she was autistic and couldn't help it, and they would console her and it would be over soon, but the manager said that they shouldn't be allowed in public with her if she can't behave and refused to serve them.

thats straight up disgusting and makes me sick that it happened in canada. people are so stupid.

[Bud Head]

I have a couple of friends who have autistic children.. I can say that i admire you and your wifes dealing with this day in and day out...

I can also say there is no comparison to a tantrum for a none autistic child and a autistic child..

I can understand exactly what you are saying.. The ex and I used to take the children for a few hours at times just to let the friends sleep a while with out being disturbed.. it's amazing how smart these kids are and how evil they can behave.

I again i admire you and your wife.. I hope that the theropy can be started very soon..

[shai_hulud]

word.

[Zooey]

Word, yo.

I do not envy the intensity of your situation, day in and day out. I guess thats where it really hits home, is you can't escape it - its your reality always.

I have to say though, and not to minimize autism or its impact - but 3 year olds of all spectrums are tough. We didn't go to the fireworks either, we left 5 fireworks in - after our son decided they were No Fun and it needed to end Now.

Lump kids are boring. Keep telling yourself that.

Sorry not more insightful of more rockin, I need to go help a meltdown that resulted because I said such kid can not go play in the garden at 9pm. When its about to rain. The horror.

[WildWill]

A good friend of mine has an autistic son who has just turned 18 - now they have to fight with the state to be named his legal guardian so that they can continue to care for him, because get this - the state is so desperate for funds that they will take legal guardianship of him so they can get his disability benefit.

That's fucked...

Again, my heart goes out to you and yours. Keep fighting the good fight. It may help to also try to get a charity involved, maybe a church if you go...I dunno.

[delta9THC]

You're not whining at all. Just sharing your experience for those of us who don't have autistic children. The fact that you would vent in a forum and not take it out on your family just goes to show how together you are. You are dealing with something that most of us will never have to face and you have the good sense to let it out and not keep it bottled up inside. That's awesome in my book. Plus in a couple of years you will look back and realize how much you have grown and what you've learned from this experience and you can laugh at all of us who are stressing the small stuff. Children are a gift and you one day look at your child and thank him for all that he has taught you!

[Suliman]

word

[v3d4]

i saw a guy at the grocery store today and i though about what you said about the real person underneath. this guy was standing in the middle of the produce department bowing at the waist like you see jewish men with their prayerbooks do. he held his hands at about chest level turninf his wrists rapidly, in his own world, then he would suddenly yell "Arrgrumph!

then somebody, his mom or relative came and got him, grabbed his arm and said c'mon let's go

and i thought about how hard it would be to have someone in your family suffer that kind of thing, whatever it was. word
much love and im prayen for all the moms and dads and relarions and caretakers

[Dezzy]

human i dont know what to even say here stay strong and if you ever need somebody to talk to or somebody to help you hit me up bro shit aint long distance and all.

I dont know if this is anything to relate to your situation but I deal with when of my best childhood friends better then his parents. He is bi-polar/schizo and i am the only person who is still there for him. I am the only one that still listens to his ramblings/delusions. He needs somebody like me for there and his parents/brother arent there all they due is send him to the instution.


Human hit me up PM.

[Jakeisuseless]

Yeah. My exes normal three year old was hard to handle sometimes. Loved him though. I feel, man. Wish I could help.