In love with a girl that has a daughter...

[ZimZum]

So, after dropping out of Berklee College of Music and fucking around/working for about 4 years I decided to go back to school. Everything went good for the first semester back in college, the best part being this girl I met. We got along great, she was flirty with me I was flirty with her. She even has a past history of abusing Oxycontin, which actually made her even more perfect for me because it means she understands my problems with heroin/opioid abuse much more than most women I meet.
This girl is also a single mother with an absolutely adorable 2 1/2 year old daughter. Just to set the record straight, the fact the she has a kid doesn't bother me. If anything it actually makes me more attracted to her, I was raised by a single mother myself. Anyway, over the past few months we've hung out a lot, either at school or I'd go over to her place to have dinner with her and her daughter and so me and her could work on homework.
If anyone is wondering, the father of her kid is in jail for about another year, drug trafficking or some such thing as that. Right now me and her are just friends, she knows I like her a lot and want something more but she doesn't wanna move to quickly into a relationship with any guy. Her daughter absolutely loves me and coming over to my house, of course I also live across the street from a preschool/kindergarten/1st grade school.
I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this but if anyone on these boards has kids of their own maybe they could offer me some advise on my situation. I just don't know if there is anything I can do to show her that I'm not looking to just get in her pants.

[Štulic]

What happens when the kid's dad comes out of jail?

[Mercury]

You should be a positive role model to the little girl and a gentleman to this girl with whom you have mutual feelings for. Stay sharp though because they could drain you of your prescious resources.

[Center]

If it was me I would NEVER EVER EVER start ANYTHING with this women. So many red flags and negatives that this relationship is sure to either end badly or drag you down emotionally and financially.

First off she's a past drug abuser. You DON'T want to abuse drugs anymore right? So surround yourself with people who DON'T and HAVN'T abused drugs. Her kid's father is in jail; she makes poor decisions with the people she surrounds herself with. Do you want to be one of those?

Now past her obvious flaws, you havn't even dated this women or fucked her and you are saying you LOVE her? Are you joking dude? Her problem of making rash and poor decisions is obviously one you share as well. If your emotions are moved as easily as the wind blows you will never be able to choose your destination. She's pulling you in but the funny thing is it's not even of her doing, your becoming complely romanticised with a women your not even involved with yet...

It's your life, choose it wisely.

[ZimZum]

Center, you're an idiot. I love her because she makes me want to be a better person, and stay clean and I just enjoy hanging out with her more than most other people. You don't understand what love really is if you think you have to fuck a girl to say you love her.

As for the father of her child, they dated for about a month and then he disappeared. She found out later that she was pregnant and she didn't even find out he had gone to jail until she was 7 months pregnant. When he does get out of jail she has no intentions of getting back together with him. She'd like him to help support her daughter but that's about it. She's told him this too. She's not stupid enough to get back with a man that knocked her up and then got his ass thrown in jail.

I'll add this in too, she got kicked out of her house cause she got pregnant and had to live in a homeless shelter for 2 years. Despite all the set backs in her life she has managed to get herself into college, get an apartment and a car all while raising her daughter by herself.

And all the talk about her draining my financial resources is not that big a concern because she won't let me spend a lot of money on her.

The other thing is that she is the only girl that I've been interested in that my mother actually likes. My mother never particularly liked any of my ex-girlfriends, and go figure, they all fucked me over big time.

[Mafoo]

heres what i have to say:

be so careful! dont get blinded by 'love'

in life theres only one path. if you find yourself on a path that you feel has heart, then the road should be easy, but if you are not enjoying where the path is leading life gets tough. that path that has no heart could kill a man so never take the path you feel has no heart.

its a weak transcription of a quote from a carlos castaneda book called teachings of don juan: the yaki way of knowledge

[Night Life]

be careful man, i just got out of a relationship with a girl that had 2yr son, and its not ez. tho mine was a lil different cuz the father was in the picture, and that guy aint gona be n jail forever. i had to put up with him buyin her shit and tryin to when her back, untill he finally got the hint. We dated for 3yrs and the last 1 was hell. the nexted kid im takin care of is gona be my own..just becareful.

[suburbanlights]

I"d take it very very slow...

[jag8]

your fucking around with a dudes baby mama who is in jail for drug trafficing.




think about it.

[Mercury]

He's looking for love though you guys. He can get the girl he just can't lose himself in the process. Be who you are but if there is a flame don't let it die man. If you be the best you can be to her then there is a VERY good chance she will return it. I say take it to the next level man. Ask her to be your girlfriend.

[Terry]

Sounds to me like you have already made up your mind ZimZum, just don't invest too much into this too fast is what I would advise.

[Porcelain]

Here's the thing...you shouldn't feel bad for caring about a girl who has a kid. The reality is that everyone has their flaws. You may find a woman who is baggage-free but ask yourself if she, as an individual, will be as special to you. Everyone has a past. If you like a person, you have to like them for who they are because regardless of what decisions they've made before, they can't change the past now so try not to get too involved with it.

Regardless of how much you like her child and how unattached she may be to her baby-daddy...you have to be clear headed on the fact that she has both. You really don't know what kind of person that guy is so be careful because she's gonna have to deal with him, one way or another, until the end of their lives. That's just what a kid does...it binds you to another person forever, regardless of how you feel about them.

Her drug past shouldn't be a factor as long as she has been and will be clean from now on. Aside from you, I think she wants to do right by her child and that means she has to put her baby's needs above her desire to get high. As much as she needs to stay away from drug use, make sure you don't tempt her with your own habits. This is a girl who's done everything for herself and the last thing someone like that needs is for a druggie to come into her life and get her hooked again, ya dig? Not to rag on you, I'm just saying that you should watch out that you're not dragging her life down any more than she may be dragging yours.

Center is absolutly right in saying that she's not someone who's made very wise decisions. That can be a good or bad thing. It's a bad thing if she's learned nothing from her experiences and now she'll expect you to spoon feed her through life. However, if she's a smart and strong person, she'll have walked away with knowledge some of us may never learn. It's very rare in life that you meet a person (especially a woman) who is cool if they haven't been through some hard knocks. Having bad shit happen to you teaches you things...that's a fact...unless you're a moron which she doesn't seem to be from what you've said.

As for her child...don't push. Even if her baby likes you, take your time. Don't rush a relationship with either the girl or her daughter. My suggestion is that you walk into this expectation-free. You're just there to enjoy her company and take things by the daily. Expect nothing. Don't be cold but also don't get too attached. A (good) woman will always choose her child above any man so be careful and take as much time as all 3 of you need.

[matthewmunari]

when dude gets outta prison, theres gonna be drama....be careful

[Porcelain]

^assuming the dude gives a shit.

[Center]

You can think I'm an idiot if you want but I'm giving you sound advice.

Don't let love fool you. People become blinded by love usually because of romanticism. Now I don't think romanticism is bad but it definately has the habit of blinding people and showing them years down the road that they would have been a better and happier person if they wouldn't have become deeply involved with certain people. All I want you to do is this: Look at this person with open eyes. You can't judge people by their words but their actions. Look at her past and what she has done. Of course people can change but the likelyhood is in the corner of habit. You must guard the temple of your soul with all the knowledge you have at your fingertips, thats all I'm trying to get you to do.

Goodluck-

[superstoned1]

You seem like a decent smart guy and I believe you can do better than a chick with a 2 year old who has past drug addictions and lived in a homeless shelter and was inpregnated by a guy in prison for drug trafficking who she met only for a couple months.

This doesnt seem like its gonna end well. She has a history of bad decision making and just because you have feelings for her doesnt mean shes right for you, look for better woman would be my final advice.

[WildWill]

Go for it, life's too short.

Listen to the lyrics, they make sense.

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