sigh i did something stupid

[tedkennedy]

edit: sorry this is the length of a short essay and only includes boring social drama

theres this girl i know who i have known for past 4 years whom im not attracted to physically or as a friend but have remained a good friend to for the past 4 years just because i figure im a nice person. to make a long story short she is really emotionally messed up, but really likes me and guilt trips me into being nice to her all the time, i hang out with her sometimes but generally avoid her because she likes me alot more than i like her.

the real problem arose just recently as i see it, when i reactivated my facebook and i saw she had a wall post about her bike being stolen. i made a short comment about how in the future she should use a bike lock and wont have a problem. she responds very immaturely and defensively and tells me that my comments were "prickish", i see it as just another example where this girl is fucking crazy and im sick of pretending like i like anything about her, i block her from facebook and she emails me apologizing (she apologizes all the time about weird stuff that isnt even wrong, part of her creepy behavior, so in this case her apology means nothing because she has been apologizing to me for acting like a psyco for 4 years)

so i happen to be high at 4 am on the computer, i spend 5 hours writing this brutally honest email to her about how i have tolerated her bizarre, immature, selfish behaviors for years and im tired of it. i really tear her apart, not in a malicious way but i know she will interpret in the wrong way and it will REALLY hurt her feelings. i say things like she doesnt know who i really am and suggest we shouldnt talk to each other ever again. instead of deleting my brutally honest email as i usually do, i click send with the aid of the drugs in my system at 11am and make my way to class.

5 hours later i started sobering up and all of a sudden i remembered, holy SHIT that email is going to either crush her or make her hate my guts. the last thing i need right now is more problems i already feel like a pile of shit.

for past 2 days i have been worrying about it nonstop and im afraid to check my email. ideally she chooses to never speak to me again but i just feel horrible knowing there is someone out there that may hate my guts and say mean shit about me and although she was annoying to deal with she wasnt a "bad" person.

now i leave it up to you good people for the guidance and support that i seek.

[farmergiles]

Either send another email apologising or at least explaining.
Or put it down to experience.

From her perspective she`s only got two options- scorn the email and hence you or take it to heart and be upset.

Lol@ the dangers of intoxication and electronic messaging.

[SageTree]

Man that's a rough spot to be in....

I think you should check your email for starters. Don't worry about things you don't know, ya know?

Accept what happened. There isn't an undo button on life. Read this email she sent back if there is one. And go from there.

I understand where you are coming from, and I can't say that I did much better in my situation, when something like this happened to me. I never talked to Jessaca again after that. Mostly on her accord. I felt at the time being blunt was the best thing. While it might have been it still didn't set right with me that I had done this. Not really my style.

You can see how things play out.

OR

Send an email and say, 'did you get my email? or 'want to talk about it?' To atleast let her have some closure about what you said, and leaving you feeling like you followed up responsibly and didn't send a hate email, blankly.

OR

Live with it.

Judging by my sentence legnth I'm think #2 might be fitting, cause we know your a nice guy And its obvious you don't want someone walking around who hates you.

I think explaining yourself atleast on the phone would be the middle way between face to face and never again.

Sorry things went bad for you. You'll be okay and will do the right thing for you.

Good luck man
Sage

[SageTree]

Lol@ the dangers of intoxication and electronic messaging.

Yea good old drunk dial leaves people wondering if it ever really happened

[tedkennedy]

^ amen, yea it has gotten me in trouble before

god damn drugs making people say their honest emotions.

its interesting honesty is such a powerful and intense thing and just being honest makes me feel so bad.

particularly when dealing with the opposite sex becasue this girl has expectations and wants from me that i dont want to reciprocate, so no matter how i said it, it just would have not went well and made me feel bad. and i dont think i would have ever had the courage to say these things to her face and would have been continued to be forced to hang out with her and be nice to her.

[Flamingnun]

send another email apologising or at least explaining.

Negative.

Live with it.

Affirmative.


Shit happens man, it's no doubt weighing heavier than anything else on your mind, but that email didn't type itself, it's obviously a manifestation of her shit versus your tolerance to aforementioned psychological manipulation.

Summary: obviously you've got issues with this chick, issues can't be bottled forever, probably better this happening now than down the line in X scenario.

Check your mail though, she'll either take it as bitter constructive criticism, or never speak to you again, which both seem like a win imo.















As long as she doesn't throw herself under a bus you should be coo'.

[burnt_hiphophead]

man, a five hour long e-mail? she probably didn't even read the whole thing.

By the sounds of it you don't even really care if you're friends with her or not so... who cares? it's not like you knocked her up (which was what I expected from the title and first line or two)

I know what you mean about not wanting someone out there hating your guts, there's this dude who used to date a girl that I was sort of seeing (not anymore) but long story short, I met him twice when I was pretty much blacked out drunk and apparently he was a super douchebag to me. Then the third time when I saw him, I remembered partying with him and tried to be decent to him but he was still a dick. Whatever though you can't worry too much about what other people think right? just chalk it up to a life lesson (in this case, instead of writing an e-mail you never intend to send as an e-mail, type it up in Word or something)

[tedkennedy]

As long as she doesn't throw herself under a bus you should be coo'.

that was actually one of my fears initially

you guys are right tho, it feels good just being able to talk about it because i have been guilting the hell out of myself thinking about the worst case scenarios.

[SageTree]

If she has read it a simple, Any questions, might be enough follow up to get you some info on how she took it. She read it no doubt.

I was worried about the bus thing too, but it's unlikely she'd do that, that's just normal......

You're a special guy, but I don't know if you'll make it into the "Got a girl to jump" Club. Which is good....

[my_scatterheart]

Sometimes you have to hurt people's feelings. That's not to say that what you did was the best course of action, but it definitely sounds like (despite the way it went down) a moderately positive step for you. Forgive yourself. Gotta do what's best for you, and being guilted into tolerating her isn't good for you.

edit: don't email her a second time. Only email her if she emails you back, and even then... apologize for your lack of tact that night but say in the nicest possible way that it stands. Don't get reeled back into dealings with her, it makes things worse in the end, especially for her.

[SageTree]

Gotta trust the VaJJ on this one. Too much sausage. The balance is good.

[burnt_hiphophead]

I agree with the 'don't email her back until/unless she writes you' idea. You've said your peace, I think writing again to ask her how it made her feel wouldn't help your cause in any way.

[osirus2020]

Be strong. Stand up for what you said and don't back down. Backing down now will only open your emotional doors to her and she could walk right back in.

One very important thing that I don't think a lot of people really take into consideration is that you can't take back what you say. You made the decision to send that email, and to brake off the relationship. Stick with your decision.

I have made social/relationship decisions in the past, that after the fact, make me feel terrible inside and want to re-neg. Unfortunately, I am always better off following my initial decision. Even if that decision feels wrong, I still ride it through. You may feel differently, but being fortified and having a strong personality/sense of self has always been a trait I admire, and try to attain.

Anyways, I hope I helped some. I can only imagine how tough this must be for you, but you're a great guy and I know your judgment is clear.

[verklingen]

forget about it man. maybe you could have handled it in a more amicable manner but given your description of you guys' relationship it's been a thing of distress for you that you're only prolonging and worsening by worrying about it.

life, it goes on ya know?

[liquidgraph]

Follow up with apology explaining the situation. People are more forgiving than you'd initially believe. And, worst-comes-to-worst, you're still in the same position you are now, so why not try. All relationships are salvageable even the desire to do so.

[tedkennedy]

ok i looked at her emails... and it wasnt that bad! i had so much anxiety but now its all gone.

the first email is pretty depressing, she sorta shifts the blame on me and implies i have a drug problem and that im the problem because im queit and oversensitive. but she sounds pretty sad

then the second email is her basically saying how she likes me alot and is sorry she cant change my mind which also makes me feel bad.

its a huge weight off my chest that i dont have to hold up the charade and hang out with her if i dont want to. i guess my main mistake was getting too specific instead of just saying "its not working out sorry" because i just set myself up for arguing back and forth when really i just dont want to talk to her anymore.

and i reread my email and it was immaculate and perfectly written and didnt include any regretful stuff. i swear i could have submitted it as a college essay it was so perfectly worded, i think and focus really well when i am high

[my_scatterheart]

Glad it worked out mlove!

[stonerkid]

sounds like you gotatta post the email ted!
and some tit pics!

[msicidron]

its interesting honesty is such a powerful and intense thing and just being honest makes me feel so bad.

well yeah, when you've been dishonest for so long.

if you had just been real with this girl from the start you wouldnt be in this situation.

BE
REAL

edit: just read your most recent post . glad it wasnt so bad

[toastyroach]

original post

geeze dude, the best way to get rid of stalkers in your life is to be mean and cut them of then ignore all phone calls & such from them. eventually they will dissapear from your life forever

whatever you do, don't apologize or anything - unless you want her back to stalking you that is...

ps, u dont exactly sound that much more emotionally stable then she is, maybe you guys should just give it a shot lololol