Gotta vent

Geeno · 04-16-2009, 06:15 PM

Okay so back on thanksgiving I caught a felony posession charge for blow, charged with 3.3 grams, a bag with residue and some weed (misdameanor).

My lawyer advised I go to outpatient, whether humanitarian or to get started on a potential sentencing, I followed his advise. I've been going twice a week since January and had one mishap about a month ago when I came up positive for cocaine because I slipped and had a binge. I came clean and admitted it since I felt terrible about it, and there werent any consequences. They told me I hadn't really gone back to square one since I hadn't left it, being that my method of abstinence was simply staying home in solitude.

I have been good about staying away from it since then, but today in group the counselor said that someone had come up positive and then waited for whoever to admit it. I'm looking around the room as is everyone else, then I notice everyone staring at me since the counselor was. Apparently my urine screen last week came up positive for cocaine. I was pretty irate about this because I know I didn't use and I know it's useless to try to make excuses or whatever. I'm still a bit mystified about it, I can't produce any reasonable explanation short of kidney/liver infection (which I don't believe I have).

What sucks about this is that I was told that they'd probably recommend inpatient for me. This would mean a month off of work and about 5,000 in bills for the facility alone - let alone other bills I have that would accumulate.

I'm worried that they'll recommend it, I'll refuse and be booted from the program, and that will look bad when my trial finally comes about (supposedly apr 30). So I'm contemplating resignation from outpatient before I'm faced with the ultimatum.

I was contemplating it last week when I found out my health insurance wouldn't cover it and I'd have to pay 50 bucks out of my pocket every week. That's 200 a month and 1800 overall just to talk to people and have my urine screened weekly.

So I'm also worried that this situation could result in either probation or court mandated rehab, which will lock me into this area for an undefined amount of time, possibly up to two or three years.

The only way I foresee leaving the life of crime that I have established is moving to North Carolina to live with my best friend who is a police officer down there. I know what people say about running from problems and this and that, but I really think it's called for. I feel like I've gotten in too deep in my area, it's a small town with little in the way of economic opportunity. I don't really have much support in the way of drug abstinence since distro and use were my main ways of socialization for the last 6 or so years. I want to put it all behind me and rebuild, but I just don't see it happening here.

Just had to vent, apologies for the likely lack of coherence.

Mafoo · 04-16-2009, 06:33 PM

that sucks about the ua coming up positive... and it sucks more that you have no way of explaining it because of your patient status.

i think getting out of your town would probably help. it sounds like you are actually ready to get away from coke so maybe moving to your friends would help you.
good luck man, i hope you can get everything taken care of and move on to much better things

tedkennedy · 04-16-2009, 07:03 PM

ugh that sucks man.

once your in the system your fucked pretty hard.

but if you didnt use coke and you still got positive you should have fought it?

drugs are pains in ass though, while i truly sympathize and can relate dont fuck up your life for cocaine and when you do use try to use less and not get caught. i dont think its fair for anyone to tell a person you can never do drugs again and expect that person to never use drugs, out of morality and just common sense.

but yea... cocaine bro... do you want to be sober? are you addicted? etc etc... examine your life

my_scatterheart · 04-16-2009, 07:11 PM

That doesn't sound like running away from problems as much as it sounds like reevaluating what you want from your life and making things work.
I say go for it. Coke never pans out, imo. Like ted said, examine shit.

Kishar · 04-16-2009, 07:20 PM

people places and things, stay away from them.
get a sponser and call them whenever you get the urge to use. that can be a very effective tool in recovery.
imo inpatient will benefit you more than outpatient if your serious about it.
depending on where you live the state will pay for it.
think about it. what are your other alternatives with hard drugs? jails institutions or death. oh my

i still wouldnt go live with a cop because you know he'd be watchin your every move.

my_scatterheart · 04-16-2009, 07:21 PM

Oh, and g-no

Grieves · 04-16-2009, 07:37 PM

substances are everywhere, it's always better to work on willpower rather than outside variables you can't control...

**SageTree** · 04-17-2009, 08:11 AM

You always know where to find me on AIM if you need some more personal real time venting.

Take care man.

Mull D · 04-17-2009, 08:52 AM

damn thats fucked. Do what you gotta do and be good man, things will work out for you.

Black · 04-17-2009, 09:57 AM

Originally Posted by Geeno

Okay so back on thanksgiving I caught a felony posession charge for blow, charged with 3.3 grams, a bag with residue and some weed (misdameanor).

My lawyer advised I go to outpatient, whether humanitarian or to get started on a potential sentencing, I followed his advise. I've been going twice a week since January and had one mishap about a month ago when I came up positive for cocaine because I slipped and had a binge. I came clean and admitted it since I felt terrible about it, and there werent any consequences. They told me I hadn't really gone back to square one since I hadn't left it, being that my method of abstinence was simply staying home in solitude.

I have been good about staying away from it since then, but today in group the counselor said that someone had come up positive and then waited for whoever to admit it. I'm looking around the room as is everyone else, then I notice everyone staring at me since the counselor was. Apparently my urine screen last week came up positive for cocaine. I was pretty irate about this because I know I didn't use and I know it's useless to try to make excuses or whatever. I'm still a bit mystified about it, I can't produce any reasonable explanation short of kidney/liver infection (which I don't believe I have).

What sucks about this is that I was told that they'd probably recommend inpatient for me. This would mean a month off of work and about 5,000 in bills for the facility alone - let alone other bills I have that would accumulate.

I'm worried that they'll recommend it, I'll refuse and be booted from the program, and that will look bad when my trial finally comes about (supposedly apr 30). So I'm contemplating resignation from outpatient before I'm faced with the ultimatum.

I was contemplating it last week when I found out my health insurance wouldn't cover it and I'd have to pay 50 bucks out of my pocket every week. That's 200 a month and 1800 overall just to talk to people and have my urine screened weekly.

So I'm also worried that this situation could result in either probation or court mandated rehab, which will lock me into this area for an undefined amount of time, possibly up to two or three years.

The only way I foresee leaving the life of crime that I have established is moving to North Carolina to live with my best friend who is a police officer down there. I know what people say about running from problems and this and that, but I really think it's called for. I feel like I've gotten in too deep in my area, it's a small town with little in the way of economic opportunity. I don't really have much support in the way of drug abstinence since distro and use were my main ways of socialization for the last 6 or so years. I want to put it all behind me and rebuild, but I just don't see it happening here.

Just had to vent, apologies for the likely lack of coherence.

dude really sorry to hear this. cocaine is some fucked up shit if you get deep. i think you know that going to north carolina would be a good move, i think it would be a good move.

its all decisions man, ive had my share of court cases (none for drugs) but basically my lawyer kills it. hopefully you have a good lawyer. but as i was saying, its all decisions. take a day, go for a walk grab a drink at the store sit by a lake and just THINK. sit there and think and the answer will come to you man. the most logical choice will present itself.

all the best geeno.

turmaline · 04-17-2009, 09:58 AM

wow, that sucks. stuck between a "rock" bad pun...and a hard place eh.

I would say just do what needs to be done and in the future, hopefully things will get back to normal.

moving sounds like an interesting idea.....maybe to old canada, you guys certainly go through hell when it comes to all the testing bullshit etc. i don't know anyone here who has had to deal with it....even the biggest junkies i know. not friends with, just i know who they are.

shitty....i'll be hoping things get better for you G.

osirus2020 · 04-17-2009, 07:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear that man. Ted is right about the system.

Quote:

I don't really have much support in the way of drug abstinence since distro and use were my main ways of socialization for the last 6 or so years.

I don't know a whole lot about life, considering I'm still young, but I do know that living with something you're trying to get away from makes things really tough. I'm certainly a man of "take care of business", but it sounds like making a major change in your setting could really help yo out. Living with someone who is clean may really help you, and be an inspiration to you.

Good luck with everything man.

jag8 · 04-18-2009, 10:57 AM

Originally Posted by Geeno

The only way I foresee leaving the life of crime that I have established is moving to North Carolina to live with my best friend who is a police officer down there. I know what people say about running from problems and this and that, but I really think it's called for. I feel like I've gotten in too deep in my area, it's a small town with little in the way of economic opportunity. I don't really have much support in the way of drug abstinence since distro and use were my main ways of socialization for the last 6 or so years. I want to put it all behind me and rebuild, but I just don't see it happening here.
.

i think you know what you gotta do.

.

Geeno · 04-19-2009, 11:09 PM

Yeah it's a matter of the ability though.

Tomorrow I'm going to pay a visit to the alternative outpatient facility in town. It was recommended as the better option of the two, but they didn't take my health insurance... Not that my health insurance would pay for the other place.

With that in mind I'm going to check what their weekly fee would be and possibly switch. I've had problems with the methodology of the current facility and if the price is equal, I'll just switch.

fenderbender · 04-20-2009, 03:29 AM

man i got no info or advice or anything but i really wish u luck man, sucks to here shit like this.

good luck and sendin positve vibes

Dr. Drew · 04-20-2009, 01:41 PM

see if you can go to n/a meetings, and get a sheet signed everytime you go..
that's what I ended up doing becuase going to those chemical dependancy centers are mad expensive..

north carolina is dope, that's where I'm from, but there are drugs everywhere.
I moved away from NC to get away from the horse and change my situation... has worked out p well.

Geeno · 04-20-2009, 02:09 PM

^that's a pretty good idea actually.

al-Mu'akhkhir · 04-20-2009, 06:06 PM

good luck with whatever you dedcide gno.

Dezzy · 04-27-2009, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by Kishar

people places and things, stay away from them.
get a sponser and call them whenever you get the urge to use. that can be a very effective tool in recovery.
imo inpatient will benefit you more than outpatient if your serious about it.
depending on where you live the state will pay for it.
think about it. what are your other alternatives with hard drugs? jails institutions or death. oh my

i still wouldnt go live with a cop because you know he'd be watchin your every move.

dude that sponsor shit is bullshit because when i want to get high im not gonna think of some old fuck up to call to try to talk me out of it. Simple fact is ill be high before i even think of it. Might be different for others.

Geeno do your best to stay clean the lest time/probabtion the better for you

Mercury · 04-28-2009, 08:11 AM

why don't you just start over at another outpatient treatment facility? I once failed out of one and they reccomended in-patient but instead I just enlisted at another facility, didn't give them permission to scan my medical history and didn't tell them about the previous place I failed out of. Of course, I had to coax permission from a judge to do this without tell him the whole story either.