Is it worth it?

wnfakind · 05-04-2009, 12:32 PM

So, im wondering is it worth the torture to spend time with my ex that I truely will never stop fighting for.. to show to her to prove to her that together we can acutally be happy and that my shit poor attitude I have had can change and has changed, I know why we fell inlove in the first place but I lost myself.. I knew exactly what I wanted and had but I acted on it incorrectly.. only to push her away..

It was a controlling relationship between the both of us.. I was afraid of the love that was there and constantly expressed myself incorrectly to this girl.. It was a 4 year relationship and right now she is just wanting friend's and her own life.. which we both kinda of lost and were living for each other.. we cared alot about decision's we were making.. but also I just don't want to lose what we had and what I know we could have... 4 year's together we only spent at least 10 to 20 day's apart... Yeah it was a intence relationship.. she ended up breaking up because I always talked about awhole world out there and so many more people... I thought we were just comfortabled with each other but.. it was really love... I know I can give her what she is looking for and what she wants but.. at the same time she dosnt believe I can change.. and is looking for that perfect relationship

Grieves · 05-04-2009, 12:41 PM

Is the pain worth the slim possibility of the reward..?

I say move on, because you will never recapture those moments and feelings you once had...Memories are all we have and those should provide enough satisfaction that we don't have to chase the same feeling over and over...She has moved on, i suggest you do the same...

Stoney · 05-04-2009, 01:01 PM

You are the only one who can decide if its worth it.

**SageTree** · 05-04-2009, 02:00 PM

How long have you been apart?

wnfakind · 05-04-2009, 02:20 PM

3 or 4 month's now.. We have something that can be great.. but we both kinda forgot about ourselves... but we were truely and deeply in love.. ya.. All we ever did to was talk about what we wanted to do but never acted on it.. and then close to the end we ended up like an old couple.. I showed her a world she never knew of.. plus we got into alot of crap with our habit's and choices...

I just feel if I was to show her exactly how I feel without the whole intimate part maybe she will realize that I was acutally worth the time and effort.. I also talked to much about crap.. stories dream's the makings of reality.. all of that crap kinda stuck in time trying to explain time... when the whole time I was just explaing how amazing life is and indirectly letting her know just how amazing she was.. I never said thing's the simplist ways... talked in riddle's all the time...

turmaline · 05-04-2009, 02:24 PM

I only read the first paragraph.... because of the energy drained from my own soul just in reading it....I say move on. there are many beautiful, wonderful , people out there, ones that don't suck so much energy from you....whether it be from you, or her.

I mean there has to be a person out there for everyone who just makes you feel good, and you make them feel good as well, without all the work.

Grieves · 05-04-2009, 02:26 PM

Is it worth it to change yourself that much for someone else who may or may not accept you?

**SageTree** · 05-04-2009, 02:30 PM

It's really up to you. I'd say you can't regret things if you give it a try. Hurt from accepting reality is harder to get over than regret. Either act or let it go in other words. Worrying never solved many problems. Sorry you are confused here. You are obviously very passionate about her still. Maybe just try to establish a phone contact and dip the toes in the water first. You don't go from Zero to until Death do you Part in a day.....

turmaline · 05-04-2009, 02:33 PM

haha well.....some of us do.

**SageTree** · 05-04-2009, 02:37 PM

I feel that I pretty much had an idea that I was totally in love with my wife, when I think back, pretty much the instant she opened the door to her house. I knew her as a family friend for 5 years prior to this though. I don't know if I was married in my head yet, but after a month or two I knew she was one who could always work it out with me.

turmaline · 05-04-2009, 02:41 PM

ahh that's sweet. I have a friend who has the same story. As soon as she met her 1 and only...she was eating his left over pizza at her mom's house...he was a border...he came down in a towel after a shower....she smiled with a mouth full of his pzza and said..."I'm eating your pizza" and laughed and they are a total match been happy for years....see it happens....and you know when it happpens.

kaytizzle · 05-04-2009, 04:29 PM

some people just grow apart. you can't expect someone to be the same after 4 years, especially if youre young. if it hurts then dont do it.

wnfakind · 05-04-2009, 04:55 PM

You know I always told her I would be there for her no matter what, this is how much I care for her, so I feel that if I show her I will be there through think and thin no matter what happen's maybe she will realize why and what reason we both fell in love together... and personally I know I will regret the fact if I don't act on it... she's in the whole "Dosnt really know" she knew when we were together then it started fading away because of.. well it became an addictive relationship.. she got into drug's which I was big on along time ago and gave up.. so I stuck around to guide her, she was gonna do it no matter what.... rather it be with me then someone eles you know.. which then in turn ended up bring me right back to where I was.. I wanted to quit, I was getting upset with myself and her but she chose to continue...

osirus2020 · 05-04-2009, 06:33 PM

Quote:

I always told her I would be there for her no matter what

You can still be there for her, even if you're not in a romantic relationship.

Dude, it sounds like you're being a clinger. You keep talking about the love you have for each other, but it sounds like you are only looking at one side of the table. If she had the same feelings for you as you do for her, then she probably would not have left you in the first place. Take into consideration how she feels about you, and not just how you feel about her.

Instead of blindly trying to get her back, talk to her without getting emotional and find out what she thinks of you and the relationship between you two. It sounds like you had some real communication issues, so make it clear and to the point, and don't use metaphors. Metaphors are good in poems and books, not so good for expressing complex emotions to other people on a daily basis.

Grieves · 05-05-2009, 01:42 AM

This dude doesn't want advice, he wants validation for his feelings, which he isn't going to get here...

Buds Bundy · 05-05-2009, 03:45 AM

i like the pizza story
lol

oh yeah
its a shame when we have aperson you have strong feelings for but yeah feelings and people do change
i broke up with my girl almost 4 years ago
time flys
but u get over the hurt i cant remember who said it but atleast you can have memories
it is hard but time heals all wounds

osirus2020 · 05-06-2009, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by Grieves

This dude doesn't want advice, he wants validation for his feelings, which he isn't going to get here...

Bingo.

Black · 05-06-2009, 11:08 PM

let me work it, i put my thing down flip and reverse it.