how can i help her

[Яedking]

howdy yahooka ...

ever since i've known my girlfriend, she has always told me about her mothers drug problems. since i've known her, i've known her mother to be addicted to cocaine, meth, and most recently pharmaceuticals. i would occasionally hear crazy stories from my girlfirend (who is completely normal and only smokes once in a blue moon with me) about what her mother is up too ... not being able to carry her end of the family businees (which has caused financial chaos ... the money is there, she just can't sit down for a couple hours a day and pay the bills) starting fights, throwing stuff, threatening violence. she can't carry a conversation for more than 30 seconds, falling asleep (somas, vics, oc, xanax, seroquel)

it had become more and more intense over time, and the in the past month she has been getting pretty violent. last night was the big boom. they sat her down and told her that she needed to seek treatment (this isn't the first time). like every other time, she brushed it off and said she was okay. the family is tired of her actions and insisted that she seek some kind of treatment. she flipped the fuck out and started getting violent again, to which her family responded by flushing her stash of pills (which may or may not have been the best idea).

at this point she's throwing shit at her husband and biting my girlfiend and her sister, and she cuts her hand on some pop can she was tossing at her husband. must have been a good one because when i got there, there was blood all over the place. my girlfriend got her locked in the bathroom until police arrived, and she was shouting things at her like "i wish you were never born, you were a mistake ... what are you going to do for the rest of your life, you're a loser" and the mac daddy of everything she said that night "i'm going to kill all of you" ... there are lots of guns at the house.

the police were called, and the family decided not to press domestic violence charges. they're all fighting out in the street, until her brother's g/f shows up (who i later find out is her main enabler) and starts yelling at the cops. things calm down a bit and she goes to spend the night at her mothers, but ends up leaving there and no one knows where she is.

now, i'm sitting here without a clue of what to do in this situation. all i've done at this point is tried to console her, and just always be there. when she starts to talk about it with me, i'm almost speechless. i cannot relate to the situation or even being to imagine the pain she's going through, so i generally fall silent. is there any thing else I can do to make her feel just a little bit better? as cheesy as it sounds, she's been asking for a puppy for a few months and i'm searching for the right one, but i know that's only a band aid on a chainsaw wound, and i don't want it to seem like the only way i know how to make her feel better is by buying her things.

she asks me what i think is going to happen to her family after this, and all these other questions that i really can't answer.

help?

[SageTree]

AL420 had some vaugely similiar events with her mom and mom's BF, I hope she can chime in here about how to deal with an odd mom event.

I think the best thing you can do right now it just love her alot and be a good support system. The right words will come at the right time. But I doubt you can 'fix' this for her. This will be something she will have to work through, and you can walk beside her and I'm sure she'll like that.

I'm sorry to hear all that and you and the family are in my thoughts redking, I'll ponder this today.

in kind
Sage

[Mydriasis]

Sage-tree is right. You can't fight this for her.

However, if you love her and you believe there is possible danger, do whatever you can realisticly to insure she is safe. I don't know her mother, but I do know drug addicts pretty well.

I doubt she is actually going to kill her family, however your g/f should make sure all the guns are kept somewere secure maybe even get new gun locks for them. Some people just have such a reality shock when their all jacked up and hearing that they have a problem with substances. So they want to scare off anything that could help them change.

Her mother may never get completely sober, but I really do hope that she becomes stable.

As for buying her a puppy, I don't think that's quite an adequate response right now. It might be awe and cutesy for a day but that just adds more responsibility for another life she has to take care of down the road.

If there was one thing you could do with her, IMO it would be give her pleasant distractions, and help her around the house or do other chores. Even if it's just visiting her at work and bringing her lunch or something. She needs to know that your not scared off, and that your there to help in whatever way you can. Make sure she can talk to you whenever she needs but don't loom over her with that information, just next time you see her be like "I know things are hard right now but you can talk to me whenever you want about anything.".

Also don't seek counseling from friends whom she knows. I'm sure the last thing she wants is your guys's friends talking about it when shes not around, that hurts.

Much love to you and your g/f's family. Addictions can ruin a lot of things, trust me.