help with an old friend.

slapstick · 08-05-2009, 02:18 PM

I know I'm usually not one to be taken seriously, but this is legitimately close to my heart and has been causing a lot of grief lately.
A few years ago, I dated this girl who was troubled to begin with. things went really bad when we broke up, and now I can't even be seen in her neighborhood without the cops getting involved. she's young, and her parents caused most of the trouble, but thats a story for another day.
we haven't spoken in at least a year, but we share a lot of mutual friends. friends who seem to be dwindling. I'd say she's growing away from them, but she's not making any new friends, and she's getting more and more depressed looking. a close friend of mine recently got to know her, and he said she seems like she's going to kill herself soon. unfortunately, I can't talk to her without all hell breaking loose, but I really care about her, and I don't know what I'd do if she did kill herself.
What should I do? she won't open up to my friend about it, and she doesn't have any other friends, and I can't talk to her. I'm really worried about her though.

fenderbender · 08-05-2009, 02:25 PM

dont really have any advice for ya, but out of curiosity ... how young?

Mydriasis · 08-05-2009, 02:25 PM

Life is rough growing up. Lemme give it a guesss, she'sss 17?

Well if you could get away with it try and write a letter through your friend or to her window/mail-box. Let her know how you feel, but don't be like "Yo I heard you wanna die, don't do it dude". Just try something along the lines of "Hey I know you prolly wanna rip this up but please read it. I know things have gotten sour between us but I still care about you. I know your going through some rough times but I'd like to be there for you.", etc etc. Make your intentions clear but don't be to pushy. Most depressed people I know can't instantly transition into the "I want" or "I need" help phase.

Now if you have serious evidence she is suicidal and you want her to stick around, than I'd suggest reaching out to professional help. Yahooka can't save this girls life, and there's a big chance you and your friend wont be able to either. Being suicidal feels incurable no matter how much love or great things are around. It's like a rain cloud permanetly in front of the eye of the mind.

But someone suggesting they might want to die or something isn't probable reason to put your friend through that kind of action. usually when you tell a help-line someone is suicidal it isn't a day in day out kind of experience for the person involved. Trust me.

I really feel for you, and this girl and the whole group. I hope all the best comes all your ways. Just remember what I said though. Get ahold of her as best you can, if you can't and it get's serious seek help.

**AlteredStateGrl** · 08-05-2009, 02:46 PM

You said she's depressed looking...how do you know this if you haven't talked to her or been able to "get close"? I see people everyday in passing who look depressed...doesn't mean they are. Or maybe they are, doesn't mean they're suicidal.

Your friend who is a new friend to her said it "seems like she's going to commit suicide soon"...how does he know this? What makes him suspect this? Sounds like he doesn't know her very well to begin with since he's just recently gotten to know her.

This doesn't sound very solid or legit...lots of guessing and speculation. You're just going off what one person has "observed".

You can't do anything. Sounds like her parents have a pretty good wrap on her if they're keeping you away from her. They seem like they're aware and concerned enough with her wellbeing that they would maybe notice depression/suicide. Either way, sounds like it's out of your hands and apparently, not your place to be interfering, her family has made that obvious.

What is it you think you'll be able to do about it all anyway?

I don't think I'd go with the letter and wording of, "i want to be here for you", because legally, you can't be.

slapstick · 08-05-2009, 03:12 PM

I don't think I can do anything, and thats the problem. and I know she's depressed because her life has gotten shittier over the last few years and she was already really depressed to begin with.
and yeah, she's 17. and Yes, her parents have her completely under control, but don't give a shit about her. they're never home, but she's too afraid of them to leave the nest or have a life.
and I've sorta, y'know, like kept tabs on her. its a small town. its hard to avoid people, let alone hearing about them.

Mafoo · 08-05-2009, 03:16 PM

you cant do anything, and i wouldnt do anything. no sense getting some legal shit down your throat just because someone said she seems like shes gonna kill herself.

there are suicide hotlines and stuff, but that would require you to talk to her i think. trying searching around the web for suicide help stuff
good luck, it sucks to care and not be able to help out

**AlteredStateGrl** · 08-05-2009, 03:30 PM

Have your friend give her the number to a suicide prevention hotline. Other than that...there's nothing you can do.

slapstick · 08-05-2009, 03:37 PM

theres got to be something more than that. I'll figure it out though. I'm not sure what I was looking for when I posted this. I just needed to put it into words, I guess.

my_scatterheart · 08-06-2009, 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by slapstick

and I've sorta, y'know, like kept tabs on her.

Sounds a smidge creepy, no?
Let it go.

al-Mu'akhkhir · 08-06-2009, 10:11 PM

I believe you have spoken of the situation which you are referring to now in the past here...

If you really care, I would tell her parents (I assume she is not an adult yet? or at least living at home..) about it. I suspect that you probably have beef with them but if you come to them with respect and with the intention to help their daughter I don't see how any reasonable, hell, any unreasonable parent could possibly turn a blind eye or deaf ear to your concerns. If the situation with her really is how you see it, they ought to see it too..

Go with your gut man.. You could be saving a life...

I know I give you a lot of shit slappy, but G&S will always be a place you can go to and be treated like a normal person and with respect and love. You don't ever have to be hesitant to post here... We got your back!

slapstick · 08-07-2009, 09:04 AM

damn. excuse my while I wipe a tear from my eye. thanks for that.
I would go to her parents, but the last time I saw her stepdad, he punched me in the face. and her mom calls the cops on me if I'm even near their neighborhood. I think I'm going to talk to her school about it and see what they can do. I know she hates my guts, and I dont' even want the recognition for helping or saving her. I just want her to be alright.

FineazPR · 08-07-2009, 09:13 AM

Y don't you write her a letter with no return addres on it so she doesn't know from whom it came..? .

**AlteredStateGrl** · 08-07-2009, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by slapstick

I would go to her parents, but the last time I saw her stepdad, he punched me in the face. and her mom calls the cops on me if I'm even near their neighborhood. I think I'm going to talk to her school about it and see what they can do. I know she hates my guts

Stay out of it. They all hate you. The girl included. SHE. HATES. YOU. She's going to hate you even more (if possible) if you keep trying to interfere in her life.

Mikey · 08-07-2009, 10:19 AM

ASG and my scattered_heart are both right.

Let it go, leave her alone.