Eating Infront of People?

Mydriasis · 09-12-2009, 10:11 PM

I guess I don't mean all people, but rather just some people. Like people who are constantly trying to judge or grade me. I really can't stand observant 'energy'. I feel like it shatters me completely and makes me feel pathetic and limited.

I haven't eaten in two days because my brother's girl-friend has been over and she and my brother never leave the kitchen. I'm not starving or dieing or something, it's just a huge pain in the ass.

I've blown off dates with women who I had strong feelings towards(if a girl is setting up a date for you she's really reaching imo). I can eat infront of my friends and family no problem. Just when things are irky or the people are all wrong, I'd rather starve and die to be honest.

I get locked up with anxiety sometimes, I think it's my response to avoid blacking-out/fainting. I've gotten pretty hurt from blacking out while I'm still walking(or falling out of chairs) and then it's degrading if people are around, so I usually black out again after getting back up. It's kind of a sick cycle.

It's funny I'm not afraid to trip out of my mind, explore any area of consciousness or philosophical belief. I just have no ego, I really can not be graded or judged too much or I physically and mentally crumble.

I don't wanna get too into my anxiety issues I'd scare half you people off, haha.

I'm not gonna go see another psychiatrist. I've been on lots of meds(quit them all they were ruining my life), tried therapy but I couldn't even show up because that's part of the very problem... I made a collage(poster board size) out of used medication bottle labels for art-class in high-school. My teacher asked me what they were for and I left her class and dropped it.

Used to use a bunch of hard-core downers to just do some things(giving speeches/presentations or when I knew there'd be team work days in class). Imagine shooting dope and popping 2mg clonazepam at 6:00am just to give a speech for school(used to be pretty routine for me in high-school and my first year of college which of course I dropped out of). Then I became dependent on all of them and they were killing me, so I quit so props to that, but now I don't give speeches(yes prof I'll take a zero) or eat in-front of people in certain circumstance. But the underlying issue is still present.

It's illogical I'll be the first to admit, and I probably just sound dumb or whatever, but might as well try yahooka for advice.

I guess what I'm asking for really is just some ideas/advice on how to deal with paralyzing fear or fear that prevents you from living a normal and/or healthy life.

Grieves · 09-12-2009, 10:17 PM

no one is judging you but yourself...

my_scatterheart · 09-12-2009, 10:22 PM

^. Know that it's fabricated. Because it is.
To be honest dood, your brother doesn't give enough of a shit to care about you eating, yanno?
Baby steps though. Force yourself to munch on a little something in the room when they're around, even if they're not watching you. Even if you're on your way towards the door. Something. Just gotta push for it. It's when you stop trying to fix this stuff when you've got a problem. And when it gets a little more comfortable, kick it up a notch. Never settle into any of it until you're over it. It'll be long and trying, but don't ever stop.

Mikey · 09-13-2009, 10:06 AM

omfg
i cannot believe you just wrote all that
ive lived that way my whooooooole fucking life
my whole life thats how i felt
and more to it, i remember my mom was like that too afraid and hiding to eat in front of her boss / friends and we both always assumed i just got it from her

i know its like a sign of weakness or something i just hate it, i cant stand it watching people me eat.

**AlteredStateGrl** · 09-13-2009, 10:10 AM

Ok. Here goes.

You're not going to magically one day be able to eat in front of people. The first step has to be from you. EAT SOMETHING WITH THEM IN THE ROOM. You MUST if you want to start this ball rolling. Take a Cheez It, slice of apple, anything...something small and just eat it while they're in the room. No one is going to be looking at you...people have other things on their mind and you're not the center of their attention. Talk yourself through it. What's going to happen when you eat something in front of them? What is the WORST possible scenerio? You'll choke? Doubtful. They'll watch your every move? Also doubtful. Take the first steps man...only you can take charge of this. You don't need a psych...all of what you need to get through this is your courage. Even if it's just a sliver.

Maybe give them food as well? Walk into the room with grapes or something...offer them some, when they grab a few and pop them in their mouths' you do the same. You don't have to sit there and devour an entire cow in front of them...in fact, maybe you only eat a couple and move on.

You have to actively DO something towards progress man. Or nothing is going to happen except maybe this getting way worse.

AnimalLover420 · 09-13-2009, 12:20 PM

^This woman offers great advice. I'd also like to add that it will be much easier for you if you eat something that's not very messy. Finger foods, like grapes and cheez-its as ASG mentioned, will give you less reason to be embarrassed because you won't have to worry about sitting there looking like a fool with spaghetti sauce smeared all over your face.

This is something I have to remind myself frequently, and it might help you too in this situation: WE ARE OUR OWN BIGGEST CRITICS. Nobody else really cares what we do, it's our own awareness that freaks us out so much. You'll be alright.

Mydriasis · 09-13-2009, 12:53 PM

Thanks everyone.

Mikey it's cool to know I'm not the only person that get's like this.

ASG that's some good advice as soon as I'm having a good day I'll give it a shot.

Phobia's blow, because I can tell myself why it's so fucking stupid but that's like telling someone who is afraid of heights while their on an airplane, "we're not going to crash".

I guess you guys are right baby steps indeed are the best way to go about it. If I still drank to get drunk then this'd be no problem at all haha.

I think it helps a lot to just have posted this, because it's one of those things that you just can't really explain to people.

I'll keep this thread updated if anything happens. At the very least I'm feeling more comfortable about the situation.

**SageTree** · 09-14-2009, 08:01 AM

I usually don't like to eat in front of the people because of my beard

I usually keep it to things that aren't crumby or soupy, if I'm 'making an impression' for the first time. After that, I call them my beard buddies.....are you going to just sit there and feel uncomfortable because I have NO idea I have anything in it

Snowmayne · 09-14-2009, 12:54 PM

get really high and get the munchies

slapstick · 09-14-2009, 01:58 PM

I can't relate exactly, but I always eat on the run. I can't eat in public places like diners or whatever. I just make a sammich and eat it on my way to the bus stop. I know how it feels to think everyone is staring at you or whatever.

verklingen · 09-14-2009, 02:04 PM

first i'd like to say that house-guests sure can suck

but personally, i like the feeling of everyone staring at me bc i'm always on top of my shit and peeps can admire all they want. it's all in one's perception of self, as others have pointed out. good luck my friend.

Mydriasis · 09-14-2009, 02:17 PM

^ I guess I have no real perception of self, and I can't stand when people create perceptions of what I am is the problem. I can't stand being defined, sometimes physically I shut down(black-outs/fainting spells).

Some of the old-heads I used to hang around with used to call me "Child of the Void". I'm kind of beginning to understand why... I used to just think it was because of what I believed spiritually, but maybe it has to do with my mannerisms more-so.

I can eat out at places it's usually not a problem, even with people, but it has to be fluid or something. Like when things are designed/set-up I naturally seek to destroy or avoid them or something unless it's irrefutable and sensible.

I dunno, I'll figure things out.

hashforbeginner · 09-30-2009, 01:47 PM

i feel you bro.
i used to be the exact same way. I just couldnt do it. I couldnt eat my food in front of people. Sure the family was okay, but even my friends at lunch, I used to get so insecure about eating, like they would watch me and be judging everything from how big the bites i took were to what kind of food i was eating. I just couldnt stand it. I remember when one of my brothers friends came over to pick him up and i was eating lunch watching tv and i just had to stop. I couldnt eat with her there i felt so embarassed eating with her watching me. I also used to have this thing where i couldnt look into peoples eyes. I felt as if i was ugly and everytime i looked at them theyd be able to see it. My self confidence was just not there. I dont exactly know how i overcame it. Gradually, with lots of teaching and realizing that it doesnt matter. anybody who is stupid enough to judge you on what you eat or how you eat it doesnt deserve your attention. all thats stopping you from giving it your all is the walls that you've put up and attatched a diffrent picture to. Maybe its a picture of your brothers gf or maybe its a picture of your art teacher. One things forsure though man, all things will pass and you will have the strength to get past them when the time comes. trust me

lots of love and good vibes in your direction man

Mydriasis · 09-30-2009, 02:09 PM

I had that eye thing too, I finally got over it, but sometimes it's still awkward. I think we're brothers from another mother. Thanks for the good wishes!

Krunk · 10-01-2009, 04:00 PM

i think you just have to man up and eat eat eat eat eat all day.

you're never going to feel normal eating in front of people except for by conditioning yourself to not care.

Makros_01 · 10-08-2009, 04:45 AM

when iwas young, I really liked this girl.. katie her name was. and i went to her house for dinner. now normally, i could eat anything! but when i went to dinner with her parents, it was like my throat was constricted and i couldnt get the food down. i forced it.. i threw up. i was more embarrassed than ever. i had to go home

, and you know what
it was food i LOVE to eat.
since then i vowed to accept any and ALL invitations to meet / be with my girlfriends' fmilies. That is how overcame it.

Mercury · 11-07-2009, 10:08 AM

I don't have a problem eating in front of people but I do take notice of the action as being so carnal. So animalistic. It's natural, like pooping, and just as dirty. I think about how that's what we live off of. It's not something I'd want to dwell on too much because I love people and don't want to think of them as walking bags.