Apparently I am what they call "unreliable"

Mercury · 10-28-2009, 05:12 PM

My friends have been getting on my case lately for chronically changing my mind. I may say I'll go camping with them, or have them over for halloween or go out drinking with them but then, later, I'll tell them to "nevermind". Granted, I do my best to give notice of my change of heart well in advanced, they still seem to take great offense. They take it personally. I wonder why? Feelings change. Why can't they understand that? How am I supposed to know if I'm going to want to go on a field trip a week in advance. I do what I want when I want. I would never get mad at someone else for ditching me (again, as long as he gives decent notice). I don't like being in demand.

I think it's is a habit that is common with stoners.

herbinator45 · 10-28-2009, 05:19 PM

people that don't smoke weed change their minds too.

Bearsy · 10-28-2009, 07:02 PM

Originally Posted by Mercury

My friends have been getting on my case lately for chronically changing my mind. I may say I'll go camping with them, or have them over for halloween or go out drinking with them but then, later, I'll tell them to "nevermind". Granted, I do my best to give notice of my change of heart well in advanced, they still seem to take great offense. They take it personally. I wonder why? Feelings change. Why can't they understand that? How am I supposed to know if I'm going to want to go on a field trip a week in advance. I do what I want when I want. I would never get mad at someone else for ditching me (again, as long as he gives decent notice). I don't like being in demand.

I think it's is a habit that is common with stoners.

I do the same thing... but usually it's just because I feel like sitting at home.
It's something I've been working on.

wellfleation · 10-28-2009, 07:48 PM

So, are you one of those people who makes plans and then cancels them b/c something better comes along? If so, that is not cool but selfish.

osirus2020 · 10-28-2009, 07:54 PM

It's bothering to your friends who make plans so they can do something with you, and then you flake. They probably like your company, and want to spend time with you.

Mercury · 10-29-2009, 12:56 AM

Originally Posted by wellfleation

So, are you one of those people who makes plans and then cancels them b/c something better comes along? If so, that is not cool but selfish.

Nah, I'm more on bearsy's level. When I cancel it's mostly cause I don't feel like putting on pants.

Grieves · 10-29-2009, 01:15 AM

Originally Posted by Mercury

My friends have been getting on my case lately for chronically changing my mind. I may say I'll go camping with them, or have them over for halloween or go out drinking with them but then, later, I'll tell them to "nevermind". Granted, I do my best to give notice of my change of heart well in advanced, they still seem to take great offense. They take it personally. I wonder why? Feelings change. Why can't they understand that? How am I supposed to know if I'm going to want to go on a field trip a week in advance. I do what I want when I want. I would never get mad at someone else for ditching me (again, as long as he gives decent notice). I don't like being in demand.

I think it's is a habit that is common with stoners.

It's best to remember that in any exchange it is best to leave every person feeling as though they benefited in some way....So if you don't really want to do something and want to remain flexible phrase your responses as such..."Yeah gimme a call on thursday to see if i want to go saturday", will accomplish everything, leaving both parties feeling validated...

Mydriasis · 10-29-2009, 11:34 AM

Yea just don't go handing out false promises you are oblagated to fill. Do what grieves says. Grieves ftw.

Mikey · 10-29-2009, 12:03 PM

I understand how you feel. I use to have that happen all the time to me.

And I've noticed what really worked for me, is I became very reluctant to make commitments unless I'm 200% sure that's what I want to do, you know, just like a maybe I'm not sure, we'll see, I might something else going on that day.

so it works out for everyone, no one gets disappointed and you don't end up being an 'unreliable' asshole.

Center · 11-06-2009, 12:15 AM

How about not making your day to day decisions based on how you 'feel'?

If you commit to something you need to make sure you follow through.

It really should be common sense to you to understand that other people will become angry when you don't follow through with your assurances. Find your senses man.

Mercury · 11-06-2009, 12:26 AM

Thanks. I even thought about ditching out on plans today as a matter of fact. But I dragged myself out with this person and it really wasn't so bad. We didn't have a smashing good time or anything, but I didn't die of boredom either. I guess it's just that I don't quite see the point in "hanging out". Drinking coffee at starbucks, making conversation and exchanging glances is just weird if you ask me. But to some people that is very important, it seems.

Center · 11-06-2009, 04:58 PM

I came upon this passage today and thought of you...

Quote:

Do not be Unsociable.

The truest wild beasts live in the most populous places. To be inaccessible is the fault of those who distrust themselves, whose honours change their manners. It is no way of earning people's goodwill by being ill-tempered

p. 44

with them. It is a sight to see one of those unsociable monsters who make a point of being proudly impertinent. Their dependants who have the misfortune to be obliged to speak with them, enter as if prepared for a fight with a tiger armed with patience and with fear. To obtain their post these persons must have ingratiated themselves with every one, but having once obtained it they seek to indemnify themselves by disobliging all. It is a condition of their position that they should be accessible to all, yet, from pride or spleen, they are so to none. ’Tis a civil way to punish such men by letting them alone, and depriving them of opportunities of improvement by granting them no opportunity of intercourse.

The Art of Worldly Wisdom by Balthasar Gracian