Love

[Jimmy Coonan]

Not really sure if this is the right forum for this...

Have you ever been in love? If you were, how could you tell the difference between that feeling and your feelings toward all the people you just liked and cared about, but didn't fall in love with? How would you describe being in love with someone? What's the difference between that and infatuation?

And do you think you can be in love with two people at once?

[BearsysRevenge]

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

[The Rev]

Love, as an idea, baffles me. I don't think I've ever really been "In love" in the sense that poets and rock bands go on about it. I've been hopelessly infatuated, but I think that had more to do with my own desperate needs than my relationship with the other person. Once I started to figure things out, I stopped feeling that way about the women in my life. Now, it's more like a choice than a magical feeling thing.

Then again, I've never fucked Jessica Alba. That might change my whole perspective, you know?



The Rev

[Jimmy Coonan]

^
Would you say you're in love with your wife Rev (I'm pretty sure you're married, you certainly were if you're not now)? How are your feelings toward her different than towards other women you've been in relationships with? Is it simply a matter of degree, gotten stronger over time? Or is there something else to it? When did you know you loved her?

And what are the things you figured out?

I made this thread because I'm trying to figure some things out myself.

[The Rev]

When I was in HS and College, I fell hard for a few different girls. It was that all-encompassing bliss where I thought about them all the time, and was all hung up on them and such. Whenever one would leave me, it was like being tortured emotionally. It was the worst pain I've ever known.

What I learned since then is that much of my need for these girls, and the comfort and sense of being loved that I needed, took on it's magnitude because of things that were missing in my relationship with my parents. My folks ignored me, for the most part. They talked to me, spent time with me, etc., but they never listened to me. Who I was was who they decided I was, not who I told them I was. They weren't really interested in me at all.

So, when I discovered romantic relationships, I discovered an intimacy I desperately craved yet never knew was there for me. I was very insecure, and put alot of responsibility on these girls for my emotional needs. Since I've realized that, and put things into perspective, I don't fall so hard. I feel complete without another person, now.

As for how I feel about my wife, I love her very much. I don't live in mortal fear of what she thinks of me, I don't spend all my waking hours thinking about being together, and I don't idealize my relationship with her as some kind of end-all be-all. I just have this nice, close, special thing. She sees me for who I am, and loves me in spite of my bullshit, and the same works the other way. It's just not being hit by a tidal wave like it was when I was younger.

Does that make more sense?



The Rev

[bmennen07]

I love lamp.

"Brick do you really love the lamp or are you just saying you love it because you saw it.

I love Lamp!

[spicoli]

i don't profess to be able to put into words a definition of love. it is so profound, and complex, yet so simple, and pure at the same time.
to me, love isn't something to be controlled, i don't think it's possible. it comes from a place that you can't touch, or manipulate. it comes uncontrollably, and for me, it sometimes literally makes my heart swell. it feels as though it's really so intense that it's spilling over out of my heart because it can't be contained. i can physically feel it.
sometimes a head rush is involved, too. i can't explain it, and i really don't need an answer for it. i love love.
i think infatuation is manifested by the physical and material. it's an idea of someone being 'perfect', without knowing that really knowing the person.
infatuation either discontinues, or evolves into love, imho.