Parents!!

[NovaScotian]

Ok parents, this is for you and im asking how did you let your kids know that they smoke pot and what did you say to them?

[OldMan&TheWeed]

I know regular tokers that talk about their cannabis usage with their elementary school aged children. They do this because they see is as harmless as drinking wine, and therefore they see no reason to hide it from them. I believe this is ill advised for two obvious reasons:

1) They are putting their lives in the hands of small children. Few adults can be trusted with a secret, and they are trusting little kids with information that could (depending on where they live) put them behind bars, cost them their jobs, and separate the family.

2) It’s not fair for an adult to lay that much on a child. Parents should insulate their kids from adult cares until it is appropriate. Alcohol and drugs are analogous to sex. You should not tell them more than they need to know before they need to know it.

In our own situation the younger ones know nothing about us smoking weed. We rarely smoke anyway - maybe one or two times a month at the most. We don't live a stoner lifestyle and the kids have never been around when we were stoned. Drugs aren’t on the radar screen of our seven year-old and so she has never asked any questions. Our eleven year old has asked questions, and we have given mostly honest answers. When he asks about various substances we tell him what the dangers and effects of each one to the best of our knowledge. But when he asked if I had ever smoked pot, I lied and said no. I’m not a very good liar, my son’s pretty sharp, and maybe he saw through my deception. If he did he had the good grace not to delve any deeper.

My stepson is sixteen, and has been with us for less than a year. Because of his age, and because we knew he had smoked weed before he came to live with us, we have always had honest frank discussions about drugs and alcohol. We don’t prohibit him from indulging, but we don’t endorse or provide it to him either. We would prefer for him to be honest with us about what’s going on than impose a sham prohibition. Instead of just saying no, we talk to him about responsible use. In return he volunteers to us information and stories about what goes on with his friends and at school.

For a while my stepson talked about a kid at school who was always talking and bragging about how much weed he had, how his relatives grew etc. He said this guy would light up at school under the bleachers, in the restroom, whenever and wherever he could. My stepson claimed that he never had smoked at school, but I don’t believe him; although I didn’t push him on this. I just told him to keep his distance from that kid and never to smoke with him at school. I told him that people like this guy believed that everyone was ready to keep his secret, but at least half of the kids would love to turn him in. Sure enough, by the end of the school year he was caught and expelled along with his smoking buddies. My stepson was not among them.

[NovaScotian]

bump

[Stonie Jo]

I would like to think I'm handling things well with my son but every day is a new day with him. If I get a little too lenient he goes nuts. If I ride his ass I'm a bitch. I have been nothing but honest with him and probably even been too upfront with some information but I really thought if he knew that I know where he's comin from he might listen to my advice. I've also had to make sure that I'm advising him and not nagging him so maybe he will listen. I try telling him there's a time and place for everything.
No dice.
I'm not handling him the right way - he's not listening, so the only thing I can do is ground him until I can come up with somethin different. I remember what changed my attitude when I was 16 - spending days on end in my room with no contact with the outside world. He'll be happy to go to school and maybe even use his brain while he's there.
Sorry. So far all I've gotten out here is how I've bombed at motherhood.
Maybe he'll surprise me - there's still time. Never lose hope..............

["JuiceTMc.D"]

Originally Posted by Stonie Jo

I would like to think I'm handling things well with my son but every day is a new day with him. If I get a little too lenient he goes nuts. If I ride his ass I'm a bitch. I have been nothing but honest with him and probably even been too upfront with some information but I really thought if he knew that I know where he's comin from he might listen to my advice. I've also had to make sure that I'm advising him and not nagging him so maybe he will listen. I try telling him there's a time and place for everything.
No dice.
I'm not handling him the right way - he's not listening, so the only thing I can do is ground him until I can come up with somethin different. I remember what changed my attitude when I was 16 - spending days on end in my room with no contact with the outside world. He'll be happy to go to school and maybe even use his brain while he's there.
Sorry. So far all I've gotten out here is how I've bombed at motherhood.
Maybe he'll surprise me - there's still time. Never lose hope..............

After studying what you said about keeping him inside and maybe he'll use his brain in school.

I'm not sure what you do for a living and I'm not sure what he has planed for a living. But maybe you should talk to him about it?

Get him interested in what you are saying. Get him to realize his job will be important some day. Shitty job = not fun. Use your brain in school and you can get any job you want if you put your mind to it.

[OldMan&TheWeed]

Originally Posted by Stonie Jo

I remember what changed my attitude when I was 16 - spending days on end in my room with no contact with the outside world.

It’s not clear if you were sent to your room, or you sequestered yourself there voluntarily. The difference between the two is the difference between finding a book on your own to read and reading and reflecting on it, vs. being assigned a book by a teacher or parent.

You can take a horse to water but. . .

[Stonie Jo]

Who am I? I'm the bad example. This is what happens when you don't have your shit together or any clue of life when you QUIT school (senior year even). Crappy job, crappy house...I've pointed these things out to him. Don't be like your momma.
We have talked about what his plans are after school. He has mentioned being a truck driver so he could travel around the country and recently he's talked about the military. He's generally a good kid. When he screws up it's in a big way. Yesterday he walked out of school so he wouldn't get into a fight. He thinks he done good. I realize how hard it is for some kids to grasp the concept of biting your tounge and walking away - I wouldn't have been able to do it. That was 20 years ago, though, things have definitely changed.
I got sent to my room. Being grounded....I hated it because I was so ready to get out of that place. I was hardly ever at home. The funny thing is while I was in grade school I hardly ever left my room because I was reading books constantly. I escaped my room and this small town by living in my books. I was a good kid for a while....
Now - I'm off to my first day of classes.