Thoughts on marriage?

[Man in Black]

Take it slow and don't rush into anything. Some people just aren't fit for marriage and you gotta figure that out before you marry them or it's gonna be a messy marriage/divorce.

Some people get divorced 4 or 5 times and then some couples stay married 50-60 years till death do they part.

I don't know if that there is a special someone out there for everyone, a soul mate or even a "right" person. But for god's sake, don't make it the wrong person.

[billymadisonjd]

Marriage no...a life partner, yes.

[Porcelain]

I believe in marriage but on my own terms. For me, it's not about the bank accounts or legal matters. I want to (for one) have a wedding one day. I don't want it to "put a stake" on my partner but moreso to celebrate our love for one another and share that with family and friends. In terms of marriage as a lifelong journey, on some level there is a certain comfort in knowing that someone was not afraid to commit to me every part of who they are (as a soul and as yet another pawn for our government).

Having said that, I take marriage very seriously. I've been with the same person going on 5 years now. We have a 2 year old daughter together. He's not so much as proposed to me but I don't think I break his balls about it. I think more importantly than "if" and "when" is "why". I'm not ready to marry yet, myself. I don't feel like I've reached a state of loving him unconditionally yet and if I never do, then I'll never marry. I love my daughter unconditionally...no matter what she would ever do, I will always love her with every fibre of my being. While I love my BF, I still hold him to certain rules. I think if ever one reaches a state of having no rules, only love in a relationship...only then are they truly ready for making "marriage" what it's supposed to be rather than bastardizing what it stands for.

[higherthanamile]

Interesting thread.

While much of this may not apply to anyone outside of the States, here are some benefits of marriage that made it 'the right choice' for my wife and I...

Creating a "family partnership" under federal tax laws, which allows you to divide business income among family members.

Inheriting a share of your spouse's estate.

Receiving an exemption from both estate taxes and gift taxes for all property you give or leave to your spouse.
*In fact, you can make a one time gift of $50,000.00 to your spouse with no taxable event occurring.*

Creating life estate trusts that are restricted to married couples, including QTIP trusts, QDOT trusts, and marital deduction trusts.

Obtaining priority if a conservator needs to be appointed for your spouse -- that is, someone to make financial and/or medical decisions on your spouse’s behalf, meaning inheritance automatically in the absence of a will.
*Very important if there is a chasm between you and your spouses family. They could potentially take control of finances away from you.*

Spousal exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of one partner who is a co-owner of the home.

Obtaining insurance benefits through a spouse's employer.

Taking family leave to care for your spouse during an illness.
*I don't believe that FMLA will cover you if you need to care for your partner, or significant other, just your immediate family and spouse*

Receiving wages, workers' compensation, and retirement plan benefits for a deceased spouse.
*Again, receiving any of this could be compromised by blood relatives if challenged in court.*

Visiting your spouse in a hospital intensive care unit or during restricted visiting hours in other parts of a medical facility.
*I have personally seen this occur with friends of mine who weren't married. Though the staff eventually consented, it was drama that could of been avoided.*

Making medical decisions for your spouse if he or she becomes incapacitated and unable to express wishes for treatment.
*This by itself is enough to get married, in our opinion.*


Receiving equitable division of property if you divorce.
Receiving spousal or child support, child custody, and visitation if you divorce.
*You never know what could happen, right?*

Receiving family rates for health, homeowners', auto, and other types of insurance. Receiving tuition discounts and permission to use school facilities.
Other consumer discounts and incentives offered only to married couples or families.
*I will get a significant discount on tuition when I enroll at the college my wife is attending for her graduate degree.*

Claiming the marital communications privilege, which means a court can’t force you to disclose the contents of confidential communications between you and your spouse during your marriage.
*Who can say that ISN'T a benefit?*

Suing a third person for wrongful death of your spouse and loss of consortium (loss of intimacy).
*A terrible thing to experience, but I would want all the leverage I could get against any bastard responsible for my death or hers.*

Most of these legal and economic benefits cannot be privately arranged or contracted for. For example, absent a legal (or civil) marriage, there is no guaranteed joint responsibility to the partner and to third parties (including children) in such areas as child support, debts to creditors, taxes, etc. In addition, private employers and institutions often give other economic privileges and other benefits (special rates or memberships) only to married couples.

Certainly, I appreciate where all of you who feel differently are coming from. I'm just offering up some information that I think you might be interested in.

Be happy.

Be good to each other.

HTAM

[Sonnie]

I think marrige is bullshit, How much money is made on marrige from dresses to cakes to preists rabbis whatever. Think of all the cash flows thru the system because of marrige. Its a play on peoples emotions i think i dono.

[badgoalie85]

^ what's wrong with cashflow?

[mrprobation420]

marriage is the devil... if ive seen it once ive seen it a thousand times... my whole family both sides almost all divorced or if they arent they are in the middle of a divorce.... marriage will make a good relationship turn to shit... it makes ppl scared to death committment is a scary thing but something that is life like its like being diagnosed with cancer or something ... like i said if u have a good relationship with ur g/f or b/f marriage will ruin it eventually ... why you think the divorce stats are what they are... not to mention most ppl arent trust worthy... and your about to trust them with everything you own... i think not.... never... this is life not some chic flick... lets get real

[Porcelain]

Well that's the problem, for the most part. A lot of people dive head first into marriage without really considering all the long term effects. I couldn't tell you how many people I know who got married within less than 2 years of knowing their partner. WTF is that? They'd get married while they're still in the lovey-dovey phase and then shit hits the fan.

The problem I have with a lot of people who think marriage is crap is this: they're willing to bring something as permanent as a child into a relationship (who can't be removed unless it dies and thefore binds you to your partner for probably the rest of your life) but they're not willing to commit to something that can easily be earased with a divorce. Mind you, I'm part of that crew having a child with a guy I've been with for 5 years without marriage...but I piss myself off for that reason.

The thing is, someday...if it happens...I feel it's special being able to call someone my husband. To me, that's like saying "I trust this person enough to know they won't fuck me over" to put it simply. I do, however, feel that 90% of people currently married shouldn't be and that those who are not yet should think a lot harder about marriage if they plan on it.

[Vik*star*]

I'll marry a slave that serves me night and day without asking too much in return

[Mescalito]

Originally Posted by Porcelain

The thing is, someday...if it happens...I feel it's special being able to call someone my husband. To me, that's like saying "I trust this person enough to know they won't fuck me over" to put it simply.

Nice.

M

[Blue_Dolphin]

Verk and I have been together for a long time. I kept pushing it because I'm a girl and I wanted a wedding. We were pretty much "married." I mean, we had been living together for like 3 years, we have our kids, all that stuff but I wanted that one last big step. We got married of course and it feels great. I mean, I knew he loved me and everything, but I wanted that "final commitment" to seal it all together. Even when we weren't married yet, he would refer to me as his wife. I liked it but it didn't feel right to call him my husband because he wasn't. Now I can call him my husband daily and it feels so nice. It's finally complete.


Make sure you really know a person before you get married. You might think you know them but live with them for a while and things might change. Make sure you can handle seeing that person constantly and that you get along and agree on important things in life. Marriage is not that bad. It's a beautiful thing, if you find the right person.

[Micknjo]

Originally Posted by Bud Head

After seven years it's a legal bond any way. Even with out the paper certificate

All depends where you live Budhead, over here in Oz, you are classed De-Facto after 6 months of LIVING together and you can live together forever, but it is not classed as strongly here as married.

This debate can go on forever like, as noone is wrong or right, it just depends on you and your partners choice.

[spicoli]

I totally believe in marriage. I'm married, happily now for almost 6 years.
I've always wanted it, and children, and for me personally, I would not have kids without being married. NOT JUDGING OTHERS. I just wouldn't be comfortable doing that, and so I made sure I never got pregnant.
I love the romance of it and all that, promising your heart to one other human being for the rest of your lives. Quite a statement of love and passion for someone. I think saying it is one thing, but making that step, taking on that responsiblity, says alot about us. And the commitment you are making is witnessed by God, and that means a lot to me as well.
My dad once said to me, about me living with my then boyfriend, now husband, "how long are you going to audition for this part?"
That stung.

[generic_hippie]

Originally Posted by greenvibrance

getting married...well,I'll be happy if it happens and happy if doesn't....I'm cool with it....

there are entirely too many people who treat marriage, as No1 pointed out, as ownership of another person

for my wife and I marriage is not so much ownership, as companionship, we are as best I can describe a team

she is far and away the best friend I've ever had, the emotional and physical intimacy I can access by maintaining the relationship is beyond any sense of self-oriented desire for independance

marriage though is not a cure-all for your problems

you don't get happiness from a marriage, you bring happiness to a marriage

if more people considered that last sentence and acted on its simple wisdom before taking the plunge into wedded bliss, the divorce rate would drop like a mo-fo

[Porcelain]

Originally Posted by generic_hippie

there are entirely too many people who treat marriage, as No1 pointed out, as ownership of another person

for my wife and I marriage is not so much ownership, as companionship, we are as best I can describe a team

she is far and away the best friend I've ever had, the emotional and physical intimacy I can access by maintaining the relationship is beyond any sense of self-oriented desire for independance

marriage though is not a cure-all for your problems

you don't get happiness from a marriage, you bring happiness to a marriage

if more people considered that last sentence and acted on its simple wisdom before taking the plunge into wedded bliss, the divorce rate would drop like a mo-fo

Very well said. It's so true...people treat marriage like a cure. Child bearing too. Those are two steps people should take when they have a healthy relationship and not act like those things are meant to cure problems.

[generic_hippie]

there's only one way to solve marital problems

you sit her down and give her a good listening to

[higherthanamile]

Originally Posted by generic_hippie

there are entirely too many people who treat marriage, as No1 pointed out, as ownership of another person

for my wife and I marriage is not so much ownership, as companionship, we are as best I can describe a team

she is far and away the best friend I've ever had, the emotional and physical intimacy I can access by maintaining the relationship is beyond any sense of self-oriented desire for independance

marriage though is not a cure-all for your problems

you don't get happiness from a marriage, you bring happiness to a marriage

if more people considered that last sentence and acted on its simple wisdom before taking the plunge into wedded bliss, the divorce rate would drop like a mo-fo

Well, you and I have had a go around or two, but I have to say that I stand shoulder to shoulder with your POV as stated in your post.

I once told my wife, 'All my life I've felt like I've been on the battlefield swinging a claymore at anyone who I perceived as a threat. Now, for the first time in my life, it feels like I am back to back with someone who is doing the same thing.'

She laughed at the analogy but really liked it as she had been playing Warcraft for some time when we met.

Nice post, Fucker.

HTAM

[FineazPR]

I was never into the whole marraige thing....until I met my husband, and even then, it took like nine years and a child. While expecting our first child, we moved in together because he wanted to be there every day for her. We enjoyed each other immensely, still do. We just celebrated 21 years together,and still going strong.