My Dad Died

The Rev · 03-16-2008, 11:01 PM

The reason I'm posting this here, instead of in G&S, is because this forum is more for us fossils, and losing parents is the kind of thing that many of the people who post here have dealt with. I'm not really looking for guidance and support, either. I've been through this before with my mom back in '05. I would just like the others who've been through it to chime in. My wife has never lost a parent, so she doesn't really know what's going on, and it would be nice to have some connection with people who understand this part of every (hopefully adult) child's life.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. It wasn't what killed him. I had been corresponding with him via email because he was having difficulty talking (he had swelling in his throat), and suddenly stopped hearing from him. My brother and sister had stopped hearing from him too, so we called the police to do a welfare check and they found him dead. He'd laid down on the couch, and apparently went peacefully in his sleep. I think he probably had a heart attack, brought on by the stress of the cancer diagnosis.

It's a weird thing, because now I have no parents. I'm not anyone's child anymore, in the literal sense, and I feel for the first time in my life like I'm a 100% grown-up. It's disconcerting. I'm still sorting out my grief, too. We were finally starting to have a real relationship (when my mom was alive, she sort of dominated things, including their relationships with their kids) these last few years, and I'm sad at the fact that it was cut short.

He was 70, so it wasn't as if he didn't have a full life. He got to fulfill some dreams, and do some cool shit in his time. He had his share of hardships too. It wasn't a bad life, all day. Still, it's hard knowing I can never just call him and talk to him again.

The Rev

Smoke Break · 03-16-2008, 11:06 PM

Damn man sorry to hear your loss.

I hope I'll be ready for it whenever it may happen, although im not looking forward to it. I know your not looking for G&S, but you still get the deepest of sympathy from down south. Hope everything goes well with you man, stay up.

eace:

Smoke Break · 03-16-2008, 11:08 PM

Don't mean to double post, but that toungy guy wasn't supposed to be there.

generic_hippie · 03-16-2008, 11:28 PM

welcome to the orphanage rev

it wasn't until I lost both parents that I was able to beat my alcohol addiction, one of the last times I drank was the day of my mothers funeral

I hear you when you say your nobody's child anymore, disconcerting is bearly adequate descriptively. For the longest time I actively sought after role models to teach me the things I thought I still needed to know.

Eventually I reached a point where I realised my foundations were rock solid and which ever thing/path I chose would be forever underpinned with that foundation from my parents.

Watch those friends in your life who are yet to lose their parents, you'll be able to see a difference with those who have. Those who are yet to lose a parent are generally more needy than those who have lost both.

jag8 · 03-17-2008, 12:08 AM

my condolences.

Paranoid Android · 03-17-2008, 12:35 AM

Sorry to hear that Rev.

Sending good vibes to ya.

Man in Black · 03-17-2008, 01:17 AM

Sorry for your loss, Rev. My pops died when I was a baby, he was 45.

smokeweedallday · 03-17-2008, 04:50 AM

i get depressed everyday just knowing my parents will die someday

Oceans 80 · 03-17-2008, 07:13 AM

that sucks so bad rev, it really does...i feel you

i went to the graveyard to see my dads grave for the first time yesterday, it sucked so bad...

i feel for you bud, and although I'm not one of the "fossils," i've stil lost a parent and know how it is...

rip

critter · 03-17-2008, 01:52 PM

yep, no fun at all.

both mine and mrs critters parents died a few years back .

but now we are the grandparents.

life goes on my friend.

ya never forget them and there is always little things that bring thier memory back.

l feel for ya mate.

all the best aussie karma coming your way friend.

**slunt** · 03-17-2008, 04:46 PM

It's a shitty feeling when you face up to the reality of life. When your parents go, your biggest Fans, Your Guidance and most Trustworthy friends are gone all at once. It's sobering to say the least. Their seems to be a subtle mind set change, as a different level of maturity is realized.
You'll be O.K. Rev, after the main grieving is done. The pain never really goes away when you think of them, but it fades. Make sure you pass on the lessons you learned from your parents.

stresstout · 03-17-2008, 05:00 PM

With Sympathy my friend. My parents are getting older and having heart and stroke problems, I am preparing myself. Please accept my sympathy.

Mafoo · 03-17-2008, 05:18 PM

im sorry rev...
at least your father had a peaceful passing.
find comfort and strength in the good memories you have of him, and give yourself greiving time.
sorry for g'ing and s'ing but i cant help it.. i hate to imagine how you feel

much love to you

JcP · 03-17-2008, 06:22 PM

Rev, I'm sorry for your loss, man. Sending you good energy and wishing your father well on his next adventure.

Dell Brandstone · 03-18-2008, 01:45 AM

not really the same, but i lost 2 grandparents in the last year, and a great aunt. it sucks having someone you love die. i hope i've got another 25+ years before my parents die. despite our differences i love 'em both and i'm not looking forward to that day at all. sorry to hear of your loss.

Peace seeker · 03-18-2008, 09:47 AM

my condolences Rev

kamikazi89 · 03-18-2008, 04:45 PM

this reminds me to call my dad, it's been awhile

Vertigo · 03-18-2008, 05:58 PM

Sorry to hear about that Rev. my dad died of cancer when i was a baby i never even got to meet him. tbh, my mom didnt love me as much as she should maybe due to the dpression.. but me and my mom havnt had a good relationship at all. i think maybe this is why i have anxiety/depression but i dont think its because of my dad dying, i think its caused by a rough childhood and life. i havnt had the best life but ive mad the most of it and im trying to get my feet on the water and get a job and an apartment. just got my first car and lost it but tomorow its getting fixed and paying for my insurance. my dad would be proud, yours probly is too. keep your head up Rev.. your a good man

Vertigo · 03-18-2008, 05:59 PM

hope hes in a better place and u meet up with him in the next llife.. u have my condelences rev

wannasmoke61 · 03-18-2008, 08:24 PM

So sorry for your loss Rev......I dread the day when one of mine goes

03-16-2008, 11:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
The Rev ~ Herban Legend ~ Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: In my head, somewhere. Posts: 11,899 Thanks: 18 Thanked 166 Times in 98 Posts	My Dad Died The reason I'm posting this here, instead of in G&S, is because this forum is more for us fossils, and losing parents is the kind of thing that many of the people who post here have dealt with. I'm not really looking for guidance and support, either. I've been through this before with my mom back in '05. I would just like the others who've been through it to chime in. My wife has never lost a parent, so she doesn't really know what's going on, and it would be nice to have some connection with people who understand this part of every (hopefully adult) child's life. My dad was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago. It wasn't what killed him. I had been corresponding with him via email because he was having difficulty talking (he had swelling in his throat), and suddenly stopped hearing from him. My brother and sister had stopped hearing from him too, so we called the police to do a welfare check and they found him dead. He'd laid down on the couch, and apparently went peacefully in his sleep. I think he probably had a heart attack, brought on by the stress of the cancer diagnosis. It's a weird thing, because now I have no parents. I'm not anyone's child anymore, in the literal sense, and I feel for the first time in my life like I'm a 100% grown-up. It's disconcerting. I'm still sorting out my grief, too. We were finally starting to have a real relationship (when my mom was alive, she sort of dominated things, including their relationships with their kids) these last few years, and I'm sad at the fact that it was cut short. He was 70, so it wasn't as if he didn't have a full life. He got to fulfill some dreams, and do some cool shit in his time. He had his share of hardships too. It wasn't a bad life, all day. Still, it's hard knowing I can never just call him and talk to him again. The Rev __________________ THE SECRET OF SUCCESS IN ALL THINGS IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH REALITY DISRESPECT INCORPORATED The Order of the Illuminati "Jesus, I've just realised I've been posting on yahooka for more than a quarter of my life!" -Sir-Ex R.I.P. Governor We know you're smokin wherever you are.

03-16-2008, 11:06 PM	#2 (permalink)
Smoke Break -Custom User Title- Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Louisiana Posts: 665 Thanks: 94 Thanked 32 Times in 13 Posts	Damn man sorry to hear your loss. I hope I'll be ready for it whenever it may happen, although im not looking forward to it. I know your not looking for G&S, but you still get the deepest of sympathy from down south. Hope everything goes well with you man, stay up. eace: __________________ Think for yourself, question authority.

03-16-2008, 11:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
Smoke Break -Custom User Title- Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Louisiana Posts: 665 Thanks: 94 Thanked 32 Times in 13 Posts	Don't mean to double post, but that toungy guy wasn't supposed to be there. __________________ Think for yourself, question authority.

03-16-2008, 11:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
generic_hippie question authority Join Date: May 2003 Location: 20 km's from Nimbin, Australia Posts: 4,179 Thanks: 61 Thanked 190 Times in 139 Posts	welcome to the orphanage rev it wasn't until I lost both parents that I was able to beat my alcohol addiction, one of the last times I drank was the day of my mothers funeral I hear you when you say your nobody's child anymore, disconcerting is bearly adequate descriptively. For the longest time I actively sought after role models to teach me the things I thought I still needed to know. Eventually I reached a point where I realised my foundations were rock solid and which ever thing/path I chose would be forever underpinned with that foundation from my parents. Watch those friends in your life who are yet to lose their parents, you'll be able to see a difference with those who have. Those who are yet to lose a parent are generally more needy than those who have lost both. __________________ All we are saying is give POT to everybody all the time...

03-17-2008, 12:35 AM	#6 (permalink)
Paranoid Android Down is the new up. Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: BC, Canada Posts: 2,980 Thanks: 26 Thanked 24 Times in 19 Posts	Sorry to hear that Rev. Sending good vibes to ya. __________________ "We're not scaremongering, this is really happening."

03-17-2008, 12:08 AM	#5 (permalink)
jag8 nug get Join Date: Jun 2001 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 1,275 Thanks: 20 Thanked 40 Times in 28 Posts	my condolences.

03-17-2008, 01:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
Man in Black sic semper tyrannis Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: the rust belt Posts: 923 Thanks: 227 Thanked 83 Times in 65 Posts	Sorry for your loss, Rev. My pops died when I was a baby, he was 45. __________________ Which of you, to gain me, tell, will risk uncertain pains of hell? I will not forgive you if you will not take the chance.

03-17-2008, 04:50 AM	#8 (permalink)
smokeweedallday YaHookan Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 21 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	i get depressed everyday just knowing my parents will die someday

03-17-2008, 07:13 AM	#9 (permalink)
Oceans 80 _`! TwiSTed !'_ Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 1,470 Thanks: 18 Thanked 22 Times in 11 Posts	that sucks so bad rev, it really does...i feel you i went to the graveyard to see my dads grave for the first time yesterday, it sucked so bad... i feel for you bud, and although I'm not one of the "fossils," i've stil lost a parent and know how it is... rip __________________ Drugs Taught a Whole Generation of American Kids the Metric System... Shift+3yahooka W.W.L.D What Would Lunaria Do?

03-17-2008, 01:52 PM	#10 (permalink)
critter just me Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: critterland,australia Posts: 215 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	yep, no fun at all. both mine and mrs critters parents died a few years back . but now we are the grandparents. life goes on my friend. ya never forget them and there is always little things that bring thier memory back. l feel for ya mate. all the best aussie karma coming your way friend. __________________ go kindly my friend

03-17-2008, 04:46 PM	#11 (permalink)
slunt ArcticMystic Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: People's Republic of Kanada Posts: 2,753 Thanks: 12 Thanked 124 Times in 85 Posts	It's a shitty feeling when you face up to the reality of life. When your parents go, your biggest Fans, Your Guidance and most Trustworthy friends are gone all at once. It's sobering to say the least. Their seems to be a subtle mind set change, as a different level of maturity is realized. You'll be O.K. Rev, after the main grieving is done. The pain never really goes away when you think of them, but it fades. Make sure you pass on the lessons you learned from your parents. __________________ I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

03-17-2008, 05:00 PM	#12 (permalink)
stresstout YaHookan Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Detroit Posts: 10 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post	With Sympathy my friend. My parents are getting older and having heart and stroke problems, I am preparing myself. Please accept my sympathy.

03-17-2008, 05:18 PM	#13 (permalink)
Mafoo nice daze Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: a crazy place called my mind Posts: 1,455 Thanks: 77 Thanked 70 Times in 59 Posts	im sorry rev... at least your father had a peaceful passing. find comfort and strength in the good memories you have of him, and give yourself greiving time. sorry for g'ing and s'ing but i cant help it.. i hate to imagine how you feel much love to you __________________ PLUR "Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens" Hendrix "A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger"- words to live by

03-18-2008, 09:47 AM	#16 (permalink)
Peace seeker YaHookan Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 6,136 Thanks: 162 Thanked 87 Times in 67 Posts	my condolences Rev

03-18-2008, 05:58 PM	#18 (permalink)
Vertigo ??????? Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: So Cal Posts: 315 Thanks: 70 Thanked 21 Times in 20 Posts	Sorry to hear about that Rev. my dad died of cancer when i was a baby i never even got to meet him. tbh, my mom didnt love me as much as she should maybe due to the dpression.. but me and my mom havnt had a good relationship at all. i think maybe this is why i have anxiety/depression but i dont think its because of my dad dying, i think its caused by a rough childhood and life. i havnt had the best life but ive mad the most of it and im trying to get my feet on the water and get a job and an apartment. just got my first car and lost it but tomorow its getting fixed and paying for my insurance. my dad would be proud, yours probly is too. keep your head up Rev.. your a good man

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03-18-2008, 05:59 PM	#19 (permalink)
Vertigo ??????? Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: So Cal Posts: 315 Thanks: 70 Thanked 21 Times in 20 Posts	hope hes in a better place and u meet up with him in the next llife.. u have my condelences rev

03-18-2008, 08:24 PM	#20 (permalink)
wannasmoke61 YaHookan Join Date: May 2002 Location: waayyyy over yonder Posts: 409 Thanks: 1 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts	So sorry for your loss Rev......I dread the day when one of mine goes __________________ "Nobody thinks the way that I do, I guess nobody dares. My head's so full of things, I set my mind free of them. I'm breaking the rules, breaking all the rules. " -Ozzy Osbourne