Day 3 - Page 3

stateofkane · 01-31-2009, 08:58 AM

Day 9. I can't help but think I am already much less paranoid and angry at the world. I was eating at a Subway in a Wal-Mart yesterday. Just sitting there alone watching people, I didn't have this disdain for complete strangers that I did as a user.

I remember when I liked people for what they were. I could get along so well in society, and accept the world. I loved life, even when I didn't. I was happy, even when I was depressed. I had control of my actions and thoughts. I rarely regretted decisions or felt guilty...

stoneric · 01-31-2009, 12:37 PM

And pot fucked you up this bad? Sorry, I just can't buy into that. I support you in your quest to be happy but I just can't fathom pot being such a negative force.

stateofkane · 02-01-2009, 06:33 AM

Day 10 - I will not smoke today

stateofkane · 02-02-2009, 06:30 AM

Day 11 - Nice to hear back from you PG and stoneric. Still truckin.

stateofkane · 02-03-2009, 04:09 AM

"the fuckin bitch isnt even married she probably thinks she can get a show out of it"
-Dezzy

So instead you write things like this. I only hope to get to your level someday, but I fail on so many different levels. Please teach me your secrets.

Day 12 - and the battle continues...

**Pharm Girl** · 02-03-2009, 04:44 AM

I'm keeping you in my thoughts............(I care) xxoo

And I think I've found a 'name'......~

stateofkane · 02-04-2009, 02:46 AM

Day 13

stateofkane · 02-05-2009, 02:41 AM

Day 14 - I can't sleep God fucking dammit. I do feel like a tool now, but this is working, so why should I give a fuck what anyone else thinks? I will remember this in the future when I may want to go back to smoking, and know what I will have to go through again. My time here has been wasted up until 14 days ago. I take my STEP test today for school, then I have to go in and see this counselor tomorrow to register. I feel weak and undetermined. But that doesn't mean I have to fuck myself in the ass any more than I am fucked up, ya know?

stateofkane · 02-06-2009, 05:25 AM

Day 15 - And I'm nicotine free. I haven't had a dip since Tuesday morning. I also deleted all of my internet porn 5 days ago. Every single file, which was accumulating since 2007, in one sweep. Haven't searched for more since and it feels good actually. Oh yeah, I took my STEP test yesterday and did well. I won't have to take any review classes. This morning I sign up for classes.

**SageTree** · 02-06-2009, 09:04 AM

Glad to hear that you are doing well man. You're half way to your goal of 30 days posting. Don't let these negative types get you down, hard times are a subjective experiance, so your feelings MUST be honoured. Especially in this forum. Thanks for being brave enough to post your story, and being ammicable enough not to trash everyone else's choices like some people have here, when they decided to quit smoking.

Good Job Man

Loving Kindness
SageTree

stateofkane · 02-07-2009, 02:42 AM

Day 16 - Thank you Sage - and day 5 without nicotine. I can't sleep well anymore. I am doing it the right way, cold turkey. I have nothing else to quit.

stoneric · 02-07-2009, 07:55 AM

Try a toothpick in your mouth to help the nicotine withdrawals. Helped me give up snuff.

stateofkane · 02-08-2009, 07:45 AM

Day 17 - I bought a tin yesterday. I couldn't handle the bullshit right now. Giving up nic is pure torture. Giving up weed... actually feels good.

**SageTree** · 02-08-2009, 11:24 AM

My Dad smoked and chewed for years and years. Said that chew was THE hardest thing to give up. Cut yourself some slack for sure man. Giving it up all at once is really hard on the body. There are lots of chemicals you head thinks you still need and that is shocking it for sure.

The Rev · 02-08-2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by stateofkane

I also deleted all of my internet porn 5 days ago. Every single file, which was accumulating since 2007, in one sweep. Haven't searched for more since and it feels good actually.

Alright, watch the crazy talk there. You don't want to get too carried away, now. Next thing, you'll be taking a vow of celibacy and committing yourself to eat only bread and water for the next 99 years.

BTW, congrats on your efforts to improve your life. It's harder than it seems it would be, but tomorrow is always a little easier (on average

). Remember to be kind to yourself in the process, and all will be well.

The Rev

**SageTree** · 02-08-2009, 01:41 PM

I knew this guy in AA and his bumpersticker was " One day at a time " , his mantra. He hasn't drank in 30 years now.

burnt_hiphophead · 02-08-2009, 04:22 PM

good for you stateofkane, it's always hard to make positive changes in your life. I need to follow your example.

SpankyMcLankey · 02-08-2009, 04:52 PM

Originally Posted by stateofkane

Day 17 - I bought a tin yesterday. I couldn't handle the bullshit right now. Giving up nic is pure torture. Giving up weed... actually feels good.

YIKES!

Last night I smoked a HUGE spliff. I got sick from the tobacco and puked. I didn't feel good for awhile, but then some one called me and I left. It felt real bad though. I would hate to be addicted to nicotine.

stateofkane · 02-08-2009, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by SpankyMcLankey

YIKES!

Last night I smoked a HUGE spliff. I got sick from the tobacco and puked. I didn't feel good for awhile, but then some one called me and I left. It felt real bad though. I would hate to be addicted to nicotine.

It sucks. Burnt, it's easy to quit weed... if you want to. Rev, I hear what you're saying, but porn = unhealthy vice. Sage, 1 day at a time is probably the best philosophy for me. 1 of few things I agree with AA on. It's all a mind game with weed. Still no real cravings, but come Spring time...

stateofkane · 02-09-2009, 06:48 AM

Day 18