~Futile~

[Pharm Girl]

He sat naked and drunk in a smoke-filled room.
Running the blade of the knife
under his fingernails, smiling, thinking
of all the letters he had received
telling him the way he should live.
Growing had kept them going when
all seemed truly hopeless.

Putting the blade on the table, he
flicked it with a finger and it whirled
in a flashing circle under the light.

Who the hell is going to save me?

As the knife stopped spinning the answer came:
you're going to have to save yourself.

Still smiling, he lit a cigarette he poured another
drink and gave the blade another spin.

And another and another.........

[Pharm Girl]

The weight of the world lay upon my shoulders.
Needing this and that……..
Not for me, but for the wee one~
Wanting just a chance…….
Praying for a miracle.
Again, for the wee one~

Doing my best
For I made a promise……
Yet I still having nothing!
Nothing at all!

But I do have
A hint of hatred
And a pinch of spite
Add a twist of fate
And a ton of sugar and spice
And there you have it!

~Me, Myself and the real I~

[Pharm Girl]

Touch me, softly and oh so tenderly......
Whisper your desires
And gasp the sweetness of my surrender
My passion will fuel the fire
And the smell of my sweet perfume
Seems to drive his lust insane
Words must not be spoken
No promises to be kept
No lies being told tonight
No looking back and no regrets
The very moment you come near me
As I look into his eyes
And run my fingers through his hair
I can't help but feel aroused
I taste the sweetness of his neck
As I nibble on his ear
He has a taste I can't resist
Now, let’s get down to business

Memories flood as my neck arches and wet Kisses cover my throat, more……more
He gives me so much pleasure
For ecstasy is here~

[Pharm Girl]

Truthful statements
Carry a lot of weight
Sometimes a lot of pain
Understood only
When you read the words
And, please understand the environment that I came from~

I'm not property nor an ornament, an appendage to any part of anybody’s body.
I'm a human being, not a figment of someone’s imagination and all woman, yep, a real woman~
Forgiving myself for my limitations
As I would and will forgive those
Who would and will seek to limit my imagination or under estimate this little bird~
Always with a blended smoke at the end of my fingertips~

Have you ever climbed and stood on a mountaintop and felt your insignificance compared to the God’s plan?
Now, when I look back at where I’ve been....~
I tend to see the bad memories last too long~
I no longer care of who did what to who
or who was right or who was wrong~

Beauty and peace are out of place
in a world that is filled to capacity with stress~
For in the rare silence is gestation
of the Creators illuminations~

[koshiva]

Ah yes, this last one was serene, suppreme, and of course...inbetween.

Stood on many mountains and tasted insignifigance myself...hills too....those hills have eyes...some of em.....

On a lighter note...I made up some crocodile and cannabis seed soup last night. Now I have tried cannabis seed pate before and it was a little crunchy cause I didn't process it enough, but nevertheless cannabis seed pate is very nice - and I have on many ocassions eaten cannabis seeds by themselves, and they are quite palatable too. Its also my next plan to sprout some cannabis seeds in the dark and whence they immerge place on bread with smoked salmon or Canadian red salmon; or even use in a salad.

Oh right./....crocodile and hemp seed soup is one of the best soups I have ever had. It far exceeded all expectations. The seeds could have perhaps been prior soaked to soften the husks a little more before steaping in soup, yet they still came out very nice indeed. As said....amazing soup....cannabis seeds would go with any soup for that matter!!! And cerial too!!! Those damn drug warriors....fucking pieces of shite mother fricking neathanderal skulled invalids of the dark ages.....and did I mention that cannabis seed can fight famine? Yep....it can....it fricking can.....Fuck the Monekys!!!

[koshiva]

Originally Posted by Pharm Girl

Truthful statements
Carry a lot of weight
Sometimes a lot of pain
Understood only
When you read the words
And, please understand the environment that I came from~

I'm not property nor an ornament, an appendage to any part of anybody’s body.
I'm a human being, not a figment of someone’s imagination and all woman, yep, a real woman~
Forgiving myself for my limitations
As I would and will forgive those
Who would and will seek to limit my imagination or under estimate this little bird~
Always with a blended smoke at the end of my fingertips~

Have you ever climbed and stood on a mountaintop and felt your insignificance compared to the God’s plan?
Now, when I look back at where I’ve been....~
I tend to see the bad memories last too long~
I no longer care of who did what to who
or who was right or who was wrong~

Beauty and peace are out of place
in a world that is filled to capacity with stress~
For in the rare silence is gestation
of the Creators illuminations~

So as not to take away from my incessant rambling....QFT Ah I know you don't mind either.

[Pharm Girl]

Just look within your heart and find what makes you, you; I am sure if you should find that part that part will always do, so if you want to help me out, just be what makes you, you; then look around this world of yours and do, what you can do!
Everyone has a talent or two, locked somewhere deep inside, the ultimate goal we each should have, is to find it and use in our life…
To share this talent with others, who would share their talent with you, so each can build a lifetime dream, which what we all should do…
A dream that spans from heart to heart, uninhibited from the start, which frees us from our broken past, with a dream connected to our task, which is what we’re actually here to do.
When you dare to be that special part that actually makes you, you!

[Pharm Girl]

Five Little Senses

Five little senses are all I need.
To use when things are near or far.
I use my eyes to look and see colour all around.
I use my ears to hear sounds whether they be loud or soft.
I use my nose to smell your sweet scent.
I use my hands to touch both smooth and rough.
I use my mouth to taste succulent savours.

Five little senses standing between us.

To see, hear, smell, touch and taste.

The things I need~

[Pharm Girl]

Show me your mysteries and I'll show you mine
We’ll embark outside this space and time.
Clasp my hand we'll join the dance divine,
We’ll flow gently towards eternal rhyme.
Tell me your fantasies and I'll tell you mine
Show me your ecstasies that flow like wine.
Together we'll reach the highest peak,
Drink deeply from the spring of time.
Far beyond heaven and hell.
Bare your heart to me and I'll give you mine
Though we might be flying blind.
Embrace the fire and ice~

[Pharm Girl]

I mean, for so long I've had to hide what is surging inside and I'm tired..........~
Tired of having to portray the fake me so you can see who you think I should be.
With this guise I have to mask my desires and the naughty thoughts that I sire in secret.

Can I share them with you? Should I?

I promise it's not as bad as you may think!
I told of my feelings of being betrayed by those I trusted and having to hide it.
Through the pen is where it will begin to be extinguished.

~I'm not through~

I want to explore just one stanza more of my life and be prepare for what is to come.
All is summed up in the chapters that I've wrote.


As I stand fully here, now we will truly see~

[Pharm Girl]

When things go wrong, as they did.
When the road I trudged seemed all up hill,
When the funds were low, and the debts were high,
And I forgot how to smile, only how to sigh.
I got down a bit,
Rest was a must, but I didn't quit!

Life is odd with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes has to learn.
And many a failure turns about.
What he may have won had he stuck it out:

Don't give up, don’t quit!

Success is failure turned inside out,
The blackened hue of the clouds of doubt,
And I could never can tell how close I was,
It may of been near when it seemed so far;
I stuck to the fight when hardest hit!
It's then when things seemed worse,
I never quit……~

And don’t you either!

[Pharm Girl]

Get out of the way, I need to see my buddy
I haven't seen him in a while
He was gone, he wasn't there.
The last time I saw him
He was in bad shape
His heart was all messed up
His head was in a state, he was not a pretty site.

He had coke in his eyes
And heroine in his blood
His whole body was leaning forward
He just wanted to puke
No, he wanted to die!
I left him alone in his catastrophe
What do you do when all you want to do is run?
I'm sorry, so sorry!
I didn't want to leave you when you needed me the most.
I was weak, not tough at all!
I could hear his screams.
I had, had enough.
I could hear my friend screaming.
Was it an overdose again?
Yes.......

R.I.P. dear Buddy, I will always remember you by your favorite song~

Tassez-vous d'là


Tassez-vous de d'là y faut que j'voye mon chum
Ça fait longtemps que j'l'ai pas vu
Y'était parti y'était pas là
La dernière fois que j'y ai parlé
Son cœur était mal amanché
Sa tête était dans un étau y'était pas beau

Y avait d'la coke dans 'es yeux
Y avait d'l'héro dans l'sang
Y avait tout son corps qu penchait par en avant
Y avait envie d'vomir
Y avait envie d'mourir
Qu'est-ce qu'on fait dans ce temps là
Moi j'avais l'goût d'm'enfuir

Je l'ai laissé tout seul au bord de la catastrophe
Pardonne-moé, pardonne-moé
J'ai pas voulu, j'ai pas voulu
Pas voulu t'abandonner dans le moment le plus rough
Je suis le lache des laches pas le tough des tough

Moé j'fais mon chemin dans la foule
En espérant qu'une chose c'est voir ton visage
Et de t'entendre crier:
J'en ai plein mon casse mais c'pas encore l'overdose
Aidez-moé, aidez-moé

Avec ta voix immense et ton cœur qui explose
Aidez-moé, aidez-moé

Moé j'fais mon chemin dans la foule
En espérant qu'une chose c'est voir ton visage
Et de t'entendre crier:
J'en ai plein mon casse mais c'pas encore l'overdose
Aidez-moé, aidez-moé

[Pharm Girl]

Oh Great Spirit
Of the Indian People
Hear my words
For they are words that come
From the heart, soul and mind.

Oh Great Spirit
Be my mind,
Be my eyes,
Be my ears,
Be my heart,
Be my soul,

So that I may walk
With dignity and pride.

Oh Great Spirit

I am a child of Thee~
You know of me.

For I am of your people.
I am Native,
An Indian of the Circle of Life

A prisoner of my own demise~
In my own Land!

Oh Great Spirit,
Of the Indian people,
Hear my words
For they are for you.
They are of you.
You are my way of life........`

In the Circle of Life.

[Pharm Girl]

They'd better take what they can get……

I’ve lured them with juicy bait.

The hook, the line and the sinker.

Together, I've got them in the net….

Not one of them a thinker.

[Pharm Girl]

Somewhere the sun is shinning
Somewhere the sky is ultra blue
Somewhere the flowers are in bloom…..

Everything could be so new;
What do I wish for my loved ones?

Return to the way things were……… When we lived in a land of sunshine?

And where the sky is always blue, not a cloud in the sky, especially that Black one!

[Pharm Girl]

Masks and wigs I have worn
Not one but many.
One for money, another for fame….
Then another for camouflage , and so on.
None knew my real self….
For I wear many masks
Was it for beauty or to hide?
No, it was for mere survival.

I had every thing that one could name,
And also a burdened soul.
Then I was removed from them all, exposing me…. I have nothing left, be it money or fame.

But I do have a lighter soul.

[Pharm Girl]

Life got rough and the road seemed longer than I expected
And there seemed to be only a dim light
The dreams I had somehow got lost
I will never give up the fight
When I look in the mirror I see a strang look in my eyes…

There is need to run and hide

Never forget who you are and what you’ve done. Always remember wherever you go you’ll find that I was there before you…… If you think about the life we once had.

Remember that the things that you took away! Those things that will never set you free.
Remember that I have the power within me
And a will that can never be broken.

I will survive and grow stronger
This much I know for fact
The angels in Heaven have spoken.

I’ll never give up on you
Never forget who you are
Always remember wherever you go
I was there before you…….

Who's watching your back……..?

[Pharm Girl]

~Daisy~

She was named after the daisy

That grows feral in the meadows

Difficult to control or eradicate

He loves me, he loves me not

She had traveled far and wide

On a quest meant only for heroic

Hindered only by the elements

He loves me, he loves me not

Certain she had found safe haven

The unspeakable unfolds

Deception and deceit

He loves me, he loves me not

Unaware that her world was coming to a halt

Her expedition begins again for a place to call home

He knows not what love is and for that I love him not!

[zero-shittola]

me like